Outtakes from Tripod
by vampirelover44
Summary: Deleted Scenes, Backstory, and extensions from the original Tripod story.
1. Gift

A/N : All disclaimer regarding original characters applies. So anyway, here is the deleted scene from Jasper's birthday. It is solely Carlisle's POV because I love me some dad and son moment.

* * *

**Gift**

**Carlisle POV**

"Love, why don't you take the couch and get some shut eye?" I said to her softly as I pulled her up from the chair and guided her bodily towards the piece of furniture in the semi darkened surrounding of Jasper's room. The kids had finally left and returned to the apartment, it was 11 and the evening was had winded down.

"Mmm...in a moment..let's just stay like this for a bit…" She murmured into my chest, melding her body to mine, if that was possible. Her elegant digits were pressing ever so gently onto the skin of my back, massaging me, pushing at stress points I didn't even know existed until her fingers were there, releasing them. I fought the urge to groan against the wonderful treatment. Instead, I let my own fingers roam the expanse of her back, and my head to fall down and relax atop her head. We swayed wordlessly to the silent music that was seemingly dancing and traipsing the air around us this holy night.

"This evening was good wasn't it?" She asked softly, her left hand skating across my chest to rest on my right shoulder. I covered her hand with mine and hummed my answer. Despite my earlier worries, she was right, this evening had been good. To be honest, this was the best day I'd had, feeling wise, since the day Jasper seized for the second time and they discovered the clot in his brain. I was more than just grateful for this small mercy, this respite.

The days prior hadn't been easy. If only because I was dreading this evening's outcome. Knowing the merriment and joy that had always accompanied today's double celebration years past and not knowing how, if – my sons, my wife, I – would be able to go through it this time around with our hearts intact. Today we would have been treated to his cheerful laughter all day and all evening. Today he'd have been all bouncy and excited; his cheerful mood would have blessed the evening and infected everyone. 18 years we had celebrated his birthday after every Christmas dinner. That should have been the case. It would have been the case…

"Honey… don't dwell in it," I heard Esme's soft urging, as if she'd read my mind.

"I'm sorry.. I just got distracted…" I murmured apologetically and managed a smile, despite my watery eyes.

I felt her sigh into my chest. Was she sad? Resigned? I wasn't sure. I buried my nose in her hair, letting her scent distract me from the sad thoughts piling back into my head.

"I expected today would be hard for everyone … but it's funny, I haven't felt this lighthearted in days."

I caught her upward gaze and felt a small smile curling on my lips again. My eyes answering her, sharing her sentiment.

"It feels as though he's with us…doing what he does best this time of the year.. you know what I mean?"

I nodded and squeezed her hand slightly.

"I know...I told Edward the same thing this evening… it does feel like it."

She laughed suddenly.

"That boy… you never know if he's 22 or 5 when it comes to his presents…he always gets so excited…remember last year?"

I chuckled at the memory. I had bought him a NIKON D3 camera and lens set – something I knew from his brothers he'd been eyeing for quite a while but being a student with limited income – it was just way over his budget. While he had been passionate about writing for ages, he recently became engrossed with photography again and had been experimenting and teaching himself the finer techniques of shot taking. I had always tried to support the boys in expanding their creative talents and photography was definitely one of Jasper's. Just as good as he was at emoting feelings; I found that he had an eye for capturing them on people's faces as well. I could easily see him carving a career out of it if he chose to. I laughed just remembering how huge his eyes had gone when he realized what his present was. From the initial exclamation to the boyish laugh and then finally the jig he did in front of all of us. Esme was right – he didn't seem at all his age considering all that reaction from him. He was so chuffed that he almost knocked me to the ground when he mauled me for a hug.

"_Thanks dad. It's awesome. I promise I'll take good care of it.."_

Here I thought crying was a woman's thing.

I should have known better than to dwell on memories, even if they were happy ones.

I found myself struggling for air even as the burden of sorrow hit me.

_There goes the good day…._

"Carlisle…."

She sounded like a siren calling a sailor to his death against rocky shores then. The longing – the ache in my chest bloomed even as my lips trembled and whispered them out without permission.

"I miss hearing his voice Esme… I miss hearing his laughter tonight – we should have been hearing him laugh and joke today... I miss seeing those blue eyes staring back at me when I talk to him....I just……I just.."

"Ohh sweetheart..."

"God... I miss hearing him so much that it hurts…"

"Let it out honey…let it out…"

I wept it out. All that pain and longing, I wept it out silently, while she, my angel of a wife, held me tightly in her embrace, her tears falling even as mine did. The pain increased in not so minuscule an amount when I turned and glanced over to the bed and saw our son, lying – still as a statue, as he had been for the last 1 month and some. Cut off from the world, from everybody – from us.

I just...I wanted my son back. I just wanted my boy back.

I needed him back with us.

************

She left me alone to sit up with Jasper. Bless my wife for her intuitiveness. She probably thought I needed this. She was usually right.

"Happy birthday son…you made it.. you're 23.." I smiled and traced the invisible patterns along his arm for the hundredth time.

"You'll be happy to know that the girls have spoiled you rotten with presents this year…It'll probably take you a whole week to open everything.."

I didn't know why I decided to talk, rehash old memories and just ramble, but once I started, I couldn't stop. It was cathartic – the words slipping out of my tongue, the chuckle here and there when a funny memory drew them out of me, my fingers running up and down his arm just the way he loved it when he was small.

_(Flashbacks)_

_***********_

_He was 6 at the time, and was sick in bed with fever. I got an early off time from the hospital having just spent a gruelling back to back long shift from the weekend and was looking forward to just chill in and sleep the tiredness away. I found him tossing and turning in bed, restless and unable to sleep from the fever._

_I ended up carrying him downstairs to the lounge. I was tired as hell, but never too tired to have a chat with my son. He asked me about work and we chatted about all sorts of random stuff his restless mind could think of. He was a bright kid. _

"_You're an angel daddy.."_

_I looked at his medicine lidded eyes curiously and wondered for a second what he was mumbling about. I could sense he was about to fall asleep soon. _

"_Why do you say that?" I asked softly, running my fingers down his arm absently._

"_Well…Mrs. Cope says that people who help other people are angels… you're a doctor and you always help sick people get better… and you work really hard…and you never complain.."_

"_So…I'm angel then? Cause of that?" I asked softly, grinning at the simplicity and innocence of his mind. _

"_Yeah… but then," he pursed his tiny mouth for a second, as if trying to remember something._

"_I always knew you and mommy were… since the day I saw you.." he murmured dreamily and snuggled further into my hold, sleep finally claiming him. The smile on my face grew exponentially wider at his little admission. The sincere words a balm that soothed my tired bones. I ran my hand over his forehead, swiping the curls away from his still too warm skin and settled myself comfortably in the couch – knowing it would be a long, restful afternoon for the both of us. _

*********

_"I'm sorry daddy…I... Owww… that hurts!" He yelped as I wrapped the bandage around the makeshift splint over his hand and wrist._

"_Well that's what happens when you don't listen to mommy and dance on a stool.." I chided firmly, all the while trying to hide my own emotion at his pain. I got a tad angry with him when Edward finally told us this evening that he thought Jasper might've have hurt himself this afternoon because he'd been cooped up in his room all day after having fallen from the stool. The boys knew I didn't condone hiding truths and lying – even if it was by omission._

"_Sorry….I won't be punished still will I?" He started, trying to wrangle out a deal. Cunning little boy._

"_Daddy??" He whispered cautiously, peering into my face from under his long dark lashes. I caught his peering glance from the corner of my eyes and pretended to focus on the bandage still. At my silence, he tried another angle._

"_Wow…you're good daddy..you're the best… it doesn't even hurt anymore..." Smooth talker. I almost rolled my eyes, and wondered where in the world did a 9 year old learn such trick already. Then Emmett crossed my mind. I should have known. _

_I tried to look stern but it was impossible. I felt his tiny body relax the moment he caught my traitorous grin. I snorted, but the smirk on my face stayed._

"_Hah... don't think I don't know what you're doing boy.."_

_It was pointless. He knew he was off the hook even though punishing him was the least of my concern then. He'd been in pain for nearly half the day and it hurt to know that I wasn't able to prevent it. I saw the mischievous glint appear in his huge blue eyes again – proof that he had been caught trying to smooth talk me. Seconds later, his entire body all but shook as he laughed shamelessly at being caught. My heart was soothed. The pain he felt from his from his broken wrist was forgotten for a moment._

_*********_

"_Can you tell me why you have an F on this paper Jasper?" I looked at him questioningly. _

"_Plagiarism.." He mumbled the word so softly, I nearly missed it._

"_What was that?" _

"_Plagiarism…" He repeated, a little louder. I could have sworn his head hung just a little lower than where it was two seconds ago._

_I was shocked when Esme told me that he'd been given an F for one of his papers – history for that matter, a subject I thought he loved. Since he started school, that was 11 years ago – this was the first time he'd ever been given an F for a subject. We believed in nipping out the problem at the roots so naturally Esme thought we should not let this one slide, just in case there was a bigger issue at hand that we needed to be prepared with. Girls. Drugs. Peer pressure. He was 14 after all._

"_I thought you liked history.."_

"_I do…just…"_

"_You know plagiarism is a serious offence…you're better than that son.." I sighed then when I saw his head hang even lower. The last thing I wanted was give him a complex about himself._

"_So..what have you got to say for yourself then? Or have you no excuse at all?" I started again. Just because I was giving him a chance to explain himself, it didn't mean I condoned his action._

_He grinned. I raised an eyebrow at him, hoping he knew that it was a warning._

"_Okay.. I know it's probably the wrong way to teach the old man..but something needed to be done… You know I love the subject..but he was ruining it for me..for everyone…"_

"_He's the teacher…he should be teaching us, not regurgitate the lesson word for word from the textbook…we can all read… and we still have to copy it from the board?? If anyone should be punished for Plagiarism it should be him first…I was trying to make a point.. and I did… I actually got a C at first.."_

_I looked at the paper again and sure enough I saw the outline of a C behind the F._

"_Why did he change it to an F?"_

"_I might've told him what I thought..." _

"_You gave him lip you mean.." _

_He smirked._

"_And what exactly did you say to him that he found it worthy to change your C to and F? I prompted, forcing another sigh back. The joys of being a dad._

"_I told him he should really spend a little more time at the library reading and doing research before his classes…so we didn't all die of boredom from having to rewrite the textbook..."_

"_Jasper…" I hissed, the sigh finally escaping me. _

"_Here…..see for yourself and tell me I'm not right.." He showed me his textbook and his notes._

"_This still doesn't excuse what you did.."_

"_I'm not contesting that… but this wise man told me a long time ago that I gotta lead by example…I was, in a manner of speaking…" he grinned. I, was that wise man. I groaned. _

_He knew he'd won me on the argument. The smile on his face told me so. I ended up meeting with the principal and telling him my piece of mind the next week. _

_*********_

"_Jasper..I'm sorry son… You know I don't mean to hurt you.."_

_He was quiet. 10 days he hadn't spoken a word to me. 10 days since I threw him into this place. 6 days since he tried…_

_His silence killed me. I felt as though I had failed him. I was supposed to protect my child from this sort of shit and if I had been more prying, looked closer, hadn't been too involved with work…_

_How could someone do that? Hurt my son like this? It was plain and simple abuse. _

_Another week flew by before he finally ended my punishment._

"_I thought..I don't know what I thought…I'm so stupid…I thought she loved me.."_

"_Hurting you like that is not love Jasper!" I almost lashed out in anger. He was almost 17. Surely he knew better?_

"_I know okay! I know…. She just used me okay?! Are you happy that I acknowledge that?!" His eyes flashed angrily and despairingly at me. He was lost. He was hurting. I shouldn't remind him of it any more than he already was._

"_But…I still …loved her..okay? I still cared for her, and I wanted to help her… she said she **needed** me…"_

_I gripped the handle of the chair tightly, my rage for that white trash of a girl was beyond anything I had ever felt for anyone. She used my son's kindness of soul to maim him. Hurt him!_

"_Why did she do that to me dad? Is it because I'm a bad seed? Is that why my real parents left me too?" _

"_Jasper no..you're a good person okay? This is not your fault.. sometimes.. bad things happen to good people, it doesn't mean you deserve it!"_

_The haunting look in his eyes told me he didn't quite believe it. It made me hate this Maria person even more. _

_I could see from the way his jaw was clenching, he was trying hard not to cry. I wanted so much then to embrace him and tell him that he could, and that he should cry and I would be there for him. As I had always been. But there were no more tears from him that day. Instead I saw my son shut himself, lock his heart away and threw the keys. I lost the little sunny boy we found in Texas that day._

_**********_

"_Happy Christmas daddy!"_

"_What is this huh?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him as I shook the content of the haphazardly wrapped parcel my recently turned 6 year old had just handed me._

"_Open it! Open it!"_

_I tore the wrapper with extra flourish and enthusiasm. The boys loved it when I did that and who was I to turn them down? _

"_Oh wow…"_

"_Do you like it?"_

_It was a hand painted mug with stick figure drawings in brilliant colors. One of those DIY craft projects Esme had gotten for all of them from the craft market. I had already gotten a paperweight/pen holder from Emmett. _

"_Best... daddy…in … the world…" I muttered as I slowly read the childish writing around the mug, before looking back at a patiently expectant blue eyed wonder, waiting for my final seal of approval._

"_Now this is just the mug I need for coffee right now…. don't you think so mom?" _

_He squealed even as I wrapped one arm around his tiny waist and pulled him in for a hug and a tickle._

"_I love you son..thank you..it's awesome."_

"_Love you too daddy…"_

_( end flashback)_

_*********_

It was close to 2 a.m. before my eyes finally started bailing on me. Had it been 2 hours already? I must have talked shit loads.

I shrugged the kink forming between my blades from hunching over the seat for so long and stood up to stretch my legs and back.

A sigh escaped my lips tiredly as I glanced down on his sleeping form. The small rise and fall of his chest barely noticeable in the soft light provided by the overhead reading light above his bed.

_If you could give me one gift this year son.. it'll be you waking up. That's all I'm asking for. _

The tell tale tears had unwittingly made their entrance again but I managed to sniff them back before any of them escaped. Leaning over, I planted a kiss on his forehead – the way I usually kissed them goodnight years ago when they were still kids, before settling back down on the chair to get some much needed shut eye.

I didn't notice he'd been groaning to awareness until his hand jerked slightly in my grip.

I almost jumped from the seat when I heard his raspy voice cutting the silence of the morning.

"Jasper?"

I was almost too afraid to hope that it was real and not just a figment of my tired mind.

I stopped breathing just to minimize noise so I'd be able to discern if he made any more audible groans to indicate he was waking.

"Jasper?" I whispered again.

Time trickled slowly then as I watched with swelling gratitude his eyelids flickering open before my eyes. I leaned closer, hovering above his face. My chest very nearly exploded when I saw the familiar blue pan and then slowly focus on me.

"D..ad…."

It was barely a rasp. It sounded more like a gurgle than a word. But it was enough. _God it was enough._

"… welcome back son…." I uttered, even as I cupped the side of his face tenderly.

He smiled weakly and the festering wound in my heart closed, healed at the sight. I barely managed to gasp a breath in before the tears of gratitude broke through the barricades and ran streams down my face again.

_My gift._

My son was awake. He was awake!

* * *

A/N: So????


	2. Texas Sunshine

A/N: all disclaimer pertaining to SM's original character applies. Jasper comes home to the Cullens for the first time. Fluff. From the point of view of two adults - Carlisle and Esme.

* * *

**Texas Sunshine  
**

_**Carlisle POV**_

"Wake up buddy… we're here…"

I was crouched by the door as I shook the tiny shoulders gently, trying to rouse our latest addition to the family from his slumber. Even now, I couldn't help the grin on my face – the sight in front of me was too sweet for words. He was tiny for a four year old, but well proportioned so I knew it wasn't a case of malnutrition or anything, perhaps he was just a late bloomer, perhaps it was gene.

_Shame, _I thought quietly, _the journey must have taxed his tiny little self. Not forgetting the big change he was experiencing now – for a small kid, it wouldn't have been impossible to feel overwhelmed by all of this._

As we discussed, Esme had gone in ahead of us to have a little reunion with the boys – I was sure they she was going to need a few extra minutes to spoil them with hugs and kisses, for their sake and hers. After all we had been away for almost a week this time. Even with the twice daily calls – she couldn't stop fretting about having to leave Emmett and Edward, even if they were left at the very capable hands of the Blacks, while we were busy sorting out Jasper's adoption papers in Texas. The adoption took a little longer than we anticipated, and we had had to fly down twice; but seeing the little bundle in front of me now – I couldn't but agree with Esme's initial feeling about this. I felt my grin grow a little wider. _We made the right decision with him._

"Jasper.. wakey wakey son.." I shook him a little bit more, and half considered if I should rather just carry him inside. _ I wouldn't mind._ There was no need for it though because he started rousing soon enough, his back muscles flexing and moving in not so minuscule amounts and before I breathed my next breath, he had managed to pull up to a kneeling position in front of me, sleepy face meeting my amused one. It took his lids longer than his body to wake though, but when he did open them finally, I had to stifle a shocked gasp. I was still getting used to seeing how piercing his blue eyes were. They were clear and bright, sparkling even – and an image from a travel magazine – a holiday destination on a tropical coral reef island somewhere in the tropics – flashed in my mind instantly.

"We're…here?" he mumbled, yawning and stretching his cute little arms wide open. I hummed my answer with a wide grin and extended my hand, stretching to my full height again.

"Shall we go?" I cocked my head towards the front door at him.

"Okay.." He squeaked and took my hand, jumping down onto the paved driveway, stopping to wait for me as I closed the door. I waited contentedly as his head snapped around, scanning - drinking in his new surroundings.

_His new home._

"Wow…this house sure is huge…is it even a house??" he asked loudly, wonderment lacing his tiny voice. I felt his grip on me tighten just a tad bit and concerned seeped into my heart instantly.

"There's nothing to be afraid son…I know…it looks intimidating from the outside..but it's okay inside…not too big…"

"I won't get lost will I?"

I chuckled. _He was afraid of getting lost?_

When it crossed my mind the very next instant that there might've have been some reason why he had such a fear in the first place, I wanted to kick myself in shin for my earlier reaction._ Very bright Carlisle. Very bright._

So instead I knelt down to look at him at eye level, sure enough there was a hint of fear swimming in his doe eyes; and assured him in the most assuring voice I could muster.

"I promise you won't… but there's a lot of big open space to play in… Wouldn't you like that?"

His head tilted sideways a little, pondering on my question, even as he held my gaze. When he nodded and his face lit up again a second later, I felt my own face mirroring his. I couldn't help it – his smile, his mood was contagious.

_Damn, he's going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up._

"Okay… shall we go in or do want to look around still? We can do that… although.. I am pretty sure there are two very excited people wanting to meet you now…" I hinted, winking down at him.

His smile got impossibly wider.

"My brothers?"

Oh damn… Boy you are melting my heart here. _And hurting my jaw too!_

The semi permanent grin on my face got impossibly wider as well. I nodded enthusiastically and with that, pulled his hand gently towards the door.

"Daddy!!"

"Give me a second Jasper…" I managed to mumble out the same instant his hand released mine. The boys came bounding and almost barreled my ass to the floor with their fierce hugs.

"Hey boys…you missed your dad huh?" I chuckled loudly before giving them a kiss on the top of their heads and ruffling their hairs.

"You were gone for a week daddy! Of course we missed you!" Edward said through his toothy grin.

"Sides… Uncle Billy doesn't know how to read bedtime stories…"He huffed quietly.

"Or make blueberry pancakes like you do!" Emmett whined now.

I laughed out loud, indulging the boys momentarily. A few minutes later though – because I didn't want Jasper to feel awkward or left out by my display of affection to the boys, I hushed them and straightened up again. Esme, who had gone over to stand behind him while I was busy with the boys gave me a wink while I cleared my throat.

"Okay boys… I, I mean – your mommy and I want you two to meet somebody special…"

They weren't looking at me now but rather they were staring at Jasper and Jasper at them. Curiosity piqued on all three faces. Maybe nervousness as well, I couldn't say.

"Sweeties..why don't you introduce yourselves.." Esme coaxed, pushing Jasper forward just a tad bit.

"Boys…this is.." I started again when neither seemed to want to open their mouths. But Jasper's hand on my arm halted me.

"Hello… I'm..Jasper and I'm four years old. Nice to be of your 'cquaintance.." he said formally, extending his tiny hand out.

_He is such a gentleman!_

I fought back a smile when I saw Esme mouthing the words silently to me.

"I'm Emmett, I'm the big brother. I'm five and I like to eat!" He announced then guffawed and slapped his thigh loudly, laughing at his own joke. I jutted my chin out at Emmett to shake his hand but he didn't seem to register Jasper's tiny hand still extended in front of him, waiting to be received. I could see the embarrassment starting to form on my newest son's face.

"Emmett…hand…" I tried to intervene quickly but my five year old decided to get smart with me instead.

"Aww dad…we don't shake hands…." He said boldly, and somewhat whiny too. With growing horror, I saw Jasper's face got eveny paler than his already pale skin and the hand dropped lightning speed before it curled into a fist on his side.

"Emmett…" came Esme's reprimanding tone. I frowned at my boy slightly.

"Shaking hands are for strangers…" he responded coolly, unfazed by our reaction. The next I knew, he stepped forward into Jasper's personal space and practically engulfed him in a bear hug.

"Brothers hug.. right Jas?" he smirked looking at the stunned pint size boy he had just smothered.

As a doctor, I was pretty much a man in control of his faculties – emotions included. But I just about shed a proud tear at Emmett's beautiful, warm welcome. My wife, I didn't even have to look at her – I knew she was already glistening in the eyes like all women would. The stunned appearance on Jasper's face had disappeared and was replaced by a wide grin of approval.

"Eddie…now it's your turn…" Emmett nudged my youngest son forward. For a second, a little scowl formed on Edward's cherub of a face. For some reason he absolutely hated being called Eddie.

"Hi Jasper…I'm Edward and I'm this many…" Edward voiced out next, raising three middle fingers proudly.

"Hello Edward… wow…three and you're as big as I am!" Jasper responded cheerfully, and that comment somehow made up for Emmett's little jibe with his name and all was right in his world again.

Across from where I stood, I watched with a content smile as my wife positively melted – her brown eyes glistening with joy, her one palm rested on her chest as if trying to keep her heart from turning to goo from the scene playing in front of us. I shared her sentiment. It warmed me to see Emmett, Edward and Jasper amalgam so easily and smoothly.

"Hey Jas.. you wanna go outside and play with us? We're building a fort! You can meet Auntie Sue too.. she's outside with Jacob and Seth…. They're our friends..from the reservation…"

"Oh….shi…shoot! I forgot about Sue and the kids!" Esme exclaimed in slight horror. My lips twitched at her near cursing, which the boys noticed immediately. We had a rule in the house, no cursing allowed. As parents we wanted to lead by example so if Esme of I were ever caught muttering profanities – we had to give a dollar each to the boys to add to their piggy banks.

"You almost cursed mom…..you owe us a dollar…each.. Jasper too.." Edward muttered nonchalantly, to which Jasper and Emmett snickered quietly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart… slip of tongue….." my wife responded apologetically, blushing just a tad bit at being _reprimanded _our youngest.

"So you wanna come build a fort with us?" Emmett prompted again, clapping Jasper's shoulder lightly.

"Yeah..sure!..Oh wait…." He swiftly looked up at me and Esme. "Can I mister.... I mean…Carlisle? Esme?"

"Sure you can honey… just don't tire yourself too much okay?"

"Thanks dad, mom! Come on Jas…You'll absolutely love Jacob and Seth!"

With those words, Emmett pulled Jasper's hand, Edward his other – and they ran towards the patio on their little feet instantly.

I pulled my wife into my embrace and slipped my arms from behind her elbow before resting them on her tummy. Her head fell back against my shoulder languidly, giving me access to land a chaste kiss on her milky neck.

"I didn't expect that… but that was perfect wasn't it? Emmett is such a darling.."

"Yeah… although, I'm afraid to think if he's such a smooth talker now, how will he be in two years time, hell in 5 years time…"

She laughed, throwing her head back against my shoulder and I just had to kiss her neck again.

"He's perfect honey…. I'm so glad we decided to take him.."

"Me too sweetheart.."

"So ….are we still going to look for a girl next?" I whispered, leaning over to rest my head against her head. For months, before we even flew down to Texas – she had been pressing for us to adopt a girl, _balance the testosterone in the family_ she had said. Four might be a handful to handle but if my wife wanted a girl still, there's was no way in hell I wouldn't try to fulfill that. Ever since the day I met her, I always knew making her happy was going to be one of my purposes in life. Money was no issue, with my job, and her freelancing career in home decor, we could afford a bigger family.

"Hmm….I don't know… feels complete now.. don't you think?"

"You sure? You don't want a little Esme around?" I teased. She laughed. I fell in love just a little bit more.

"I'm sure….I already have Emmett and Edward for that…."

She twisted her body in my embrace to face me then, looking radiantly happy.

"You're positively beaming love…."

"Ahh..I'm just sooo happy baby… He's perfect… now we have a little you running around in the house too…"

_Oh my love._

"You're such a sentimental nerd.." I teased again.

"Oh shush…you love it when I'm a sentimental nerd.."

"Not complaining…not complaining.." I muttered, dipping my head for a full on kiss on the lips now. Who would have thought studious, nerdy bookworm Carlisle Cullen from a rainy little county called Forks would end up being so lucky so early in his life? A beautiful wife, a prospering career and now three gorgeous, healthy kids.

"I better go and see them outside.. make sure they haven't killed Sue yet…"

"I'll join you shortly.. Need to get the suitcases out…"

_She was right again. With Jasper in the picture, it felt complete. Our family was truly and absolutely complete now._

* * *

_**Esme POV**_

"Oh my God..Esme… the pictures don't do him justice…he's adorable!" Sue gushed as we had tea outside while the boys played. My jaw was starting to hurt from grinning so much for an entire week but I couldn't really help it. From the moment we got the adoption papers signed and confirmed by the lawyers, and then later when Jasper was officially handed to us, I had the weirdest feeling that I was tripping on pure unadulterated sunshine energy or love. For some reason, the little blond boy, my mini Carlisle, _mini Carlisle! _seemed to radiate sunshine.

"He is isn't he? I don't know how to explain is Sue, maybe I'm just crazy..but he just feels… he just radiates happy energy, do you know what I mean?"

"You're not crazy… I can see it.. you've got yourself a little piece of heaven, right there.."

"We were a little worried about the boys not liking another boy in the mix… but look at them.. it's as if Jasper's been their brother since the very start…I'm not just imagining it right? God…I'm certifiable..aren't I?"

Sue laughed and slapped my arm hard.

"Will you listen to yourself? … You thinking you're mad is what's crazy.." she shook her head, grinning and laughing at my antic disbelievingly.

"I'm no seer Ez, but just looking at that," she jutted her chin at Jasper who was busy with a very jovial Edward tying the one end of a blanket around the slender trunk of our lemon tree, " I'd place my bets early that your kids are going to be each other best friends for life…"

I didn't answer Sue then, but I reckon the beam on my face was enough of a response. I caught Jasper's eyes right then when he looked up and saw that we were watching him and he waved at us happily, his cherubic face beaming. I waved back, even a little enthusiastically.

_My little piece sunshine._

"Oh God…look at that smile and that dimple!! Ez, he's so damn adorable, I'm tempted to just go there and pinch those cheeks right now…. awwww.. Ezzie he's just too cute for words, please, please can I pinch his cheeks ?!!"

It was my turn to laugh at her now.

* * *

_Evening_

Sue was right. By the time supper came, Edward, Emmett and Jasper looked like they were joined at the hip. The way they were bantering and cracking jokes – the palpable kinship forged between my two boys and their new brother made the fact that he had just arrived today quite surreal, almost unbelievable. It even made me just a tad envious, only if because I wished for the same instant magic with him. While he didn't outwardly shy from our affection and returned it just as easily, he was still battling to a large degree – the idea of us being his parents. The counselor had told him just as much but he still called us sir and ma'am, Carlisle and Esme, instead of daddy and mommy.

_Call me crazy, but the thought of hearing that reverent, affectionate title uttered by my little Texas sunshine turns me into warm butter inside._

The counselor told us we just had to be patient. When he was comfortable enough with his new home, us – it'll happen. I couldn't wait.

After supper, Emmett and Edward gave Jasper a little surprise. Before we left for Texas, I'd taken them shopping as they wanted to get him a welcome - to – the - family present of sort.

"Jas…me and Edward got you something…we hope you like it."

His blue eyes practically went saucers size when he saw the big wrapped gift in front of him. I thought it was such a cute reaction. But his response made my heart cry a little.

"I've never gotten such a big present before…" he mumbled absently, touching the package almost reverently, before he turned his face up to look at his brothers again – gratitude overflowing from his face. He almost looked like he was about to cry.

"Well now that you're our brother Jas, you'll get just as much presents as we do every year – on Christmas, and on your birthday… loads and loads! Mom and dad likes to spoil us sometimes...not always… but sometimes…" Emmett chirped then, whether he noticed the sad look in teary look in Jasper's face and was trying to cheer him up or he was just being boisterous as usual, I wasn't entirely sure. It was Edward that cheered him up though and his meaningful gesture – a hug that Jasper received and returned just as tightly sent my hand back clutching at my chest. He just knew when somebody needed comforting.

_Such a perceptive observer that one… then again.._

"Open it !open it!" he exclaimed at Jasper not a moment later, practically jumping with excitement.

With a big grin pasted on his face, he tore the paper with flourish and revealed a brown soft toy – a teddy bear half his size looking at him. I could hardly believe it when his face lit up like a christmas tree before squeezing the teddy bear tight in his arms.

"We thought you'd like it Jas…. Eddie has a Lion he calls Thunder and I have a gorilla called Kong…maybe you wanna call him G.I…."

"I'll call him Snow." He said grinning, hugging the toy again.

I caught the frown on Emmett's face instantly.

"What? But he's not even whi…"

"Emmett… it is Jasper's teddy bear.." Carlisle intervened instantly.

"Oh right… okay Jas..I guess Snow…is ..err cute.."

He thanked his brothers again, pure happiness reverberating from his small frame from the gift. And for the rest of the evening the teddy bear did not leave his side.

* * *

In the days that followed, Jasper quickly assimilated into our lives. It was almost hard to believe that just days before, there were only two boys in the house. It felt as though he'd been with us since we've had Emmett and Edward a few years back.

And three weeks later, I finally got what I had been waiting for.

He called me mommy. No guessing how overly excited I had been when the word reached my ear. I even interrupted Carlisle at the hospital just to relay the news. He told me I sounded like a giggling schoolgirl.

What made me really happy though was the fact that with that one word, I knew with certainty then that our little sunshine was finally at home.

And I was ever thankful for that.

* * *

A/N: Flffflufflefluffy goodness - that's right. What better way to embrace the coming season.


	3. Maria Maria

Disclaimer: Names belong to SM although I am claiming the tripod...

A/N: Jasper's feelings on his tragic relationship with Maria.

* * *

**Maria, Maria**

Maria Lene Torres.

Devil Spawn.

That's what Emmett and Edward call her. My first love, first sex, first … heartbreak. First everything. Four years my senior, my 16 to her 20. At first glance, we seemed like a match made in heaven. Physically you could say our combined features were quite a sight to behold. They contrasted in such a fashion – my ivory pale skin, her olive brown tone, my blue eyes, her deep gray ones, my dirtyblonde and gold curls, her shimmering brunette waves; it was quite impossible to not notice us when we were out together. A visual explosion. _Not my words, her friends, my brothers_. Ignoring the finer points of our relationship – I suppose I could agree to the notion that I was a lucky bastard. How many guys from school had come up to me and said these very words to my face when the news leaked out that rebel boy Jasper _( Rebel? A total misnomer but that's high school to you) _and not even the popular Cullen at that, was dating a college hottie four years his senior. _How'd I do it? Did she give good head? Any sex tips? You're paying her right?_

Bullshit stories and questions you wouldn't believe unless you heard it.

_Okay,_ I get it, she's beautiful. And with beauty like that there's bound to be some envious, rotten eggs somewhere – males and females alike. The first time we saw her, our jaws practically fell to the ground from all the saliva collecting in our mouths. Before meeting her, I was pretty content at the thought of keeping my V card until college, where my chances of meeting someone who cared more than just how much makeup was on her face was probably higher because honestly, getting it on with a girl for the sake of popping my cherry didn't sound that enticing to me at all. I didn't know how Emmett could treat his heart ( and the girls') so callously the way he did, but I'd always envisioned my relationship, when I delved into one, to be something that I would be treating with reverence; _yes, call me corny_ but that forever stuff was, is the way to go for me. I mean, I only needed to look at mom and dad and know that shit was the best of the best.

But I digress. I was talking about Maria.

Dating Maria elevated me into demi-God status in school. From that perspective, Maria wielded power, just being Maria. Half Spanish, half German – that would explain the exquisite look that she had. She was curvy but lithe like a panther as well. Warm like Spanish sun but she could be as cold as the Baltic wind just as easily. She had a gene pool worthy of a Pirelli calendar spread.

But that was as far as it went. Her good genes I mean. Who knew such ugliness could exist behind such God given features? I sure as hell didn't. By the time I was given a taste of things to come, I was neck deep. In love. And it was torture, quite literally.

At 16, I admit I was a little more than a wet puppy. And like any other teenager, her beauty blinded me. I wanted to believe that I had better sense than some, but apparently at that age, boys weren't really capable of thinking with their brains. Me included. In any case, that's what the counselor at the center, dad, mom kept on telling me. Giving me a sorry excuse for my own stupidity. I was young and naive they said, and my mind was clouded in a sex induced haze, hence it was easy to mistake my lust for love; hence it was not impossible to not see Maria for who she really was – a selfish, manipulative, hateful human being with a penchant for suffering. _Their words, not mine._

Maybe they were right.

Maybe it was as easy as that. That I was blinded by my own juvenile shortcomings.

_But fuck did that make me sound so pathetic. _

But then I sit and think of my own reasoning, why I let this happen to myself – I don't know if their excuse isn't better than what I can give myself.

The fucking sad truth was this – I was dumb enough to believe that what we had meant something to her. For the first two months, it seemed like she was this perfect angel that flew down right into my arms. Everything about her just screamed perfection and even my brothers thought she was a real gem. She seemed real happy to introduce me to her college friends, even invited Emm and Ed a few times to join us. And when she came with me to my social thing with my friends, she practically mesmerized everyone. Having gotten practically everybody's approval, how could I not fall in love? How could I not?

For a brief while – I was soaring.

There was no indication at all that she had a volatile temper or was prone to destructive behavior. And then one afternoon, the monster came out of the closet. It was so unexpected that I could have sworn I returned home that evening with a whiplash.

It was just a little piece of article she'd read on a tabloid magazine – a tabloid magazine of all places, about her estranged ex-model turned socialite mother. She was getting married again and it said in the blurb that she was 'excitedly' waiting for the arrival of their baby. _She was excited to be a mother._ To think that it was just these few words that had managed to bring out the tempest that had been hiding inside of her all this while. Maria had sneered the words to me as if it was poison. 10 seconds later, the magazine was in shreds, and I had to watch from the corner of her lounge area as she wrecked the entire apartment to pieces.

She was terrifying. Almost rabid, if I could put it that way. When I tried to intervene to calm her down, she threw a heavyset candle holder at me. Thank God for good reflexes.

I could have turned my back to her then, I had a good enough reason to run – but I couldn't leave. For some reason, despite seeing all that terrifying, rabid reaction – I saw a wounded, lonely, lost creature in her. And just as it had been with Jack, the old stray mutt that we took in many years ago – the second I saw that flash of vulnerability there; my reason lost the battle. I wanted nothing more than to take care of her. Of course, when compounded by the fact that I was already in love, it was hard for me to walk away.

And when she pleaded with me to stay, how could I not?

"_Please Jasper... I need you. Don't leave me like everyone else…. Promise me you won't leave me!"_

From the frightening tempest I'd witness her become just minutes ago, she'd gone all terrified and desperately clinging to her last piece of hope. Me.

"_Don't leave me alone… PLEASE!"_

"_I'll die if you leave me… I'll DIE."_

Foolish boy that I was – to wear my heart on my sleeve. Whether it was all an act or not, I took the bait. I promised her I would never leave.

Her violent tendencies cropped up regularly shortly after.

She always had an excuse for it. And always came after me with her tears. And her begging.

At first, it made me feel good and kind of powerful too that I was doing something positive, adding to someone's life. And the fact that it was Maria's only made it ten times sweeter. It wasn't her fault that she ended up being hateful and bitter because she grew up without real love from either of her parents. Daddy was more in love with money than her and thought all the luxury he pampered on her would replace his presence in her life. Mommy left when she was barely five and 15 years later, having abandoned her, she had the nerve to tell the world she was excited of becoming a mother. Maria grew up in the hands of strangers instead of the people she needed most. I could definitely understand why she had so much anger in her. Loneliness, being abandoned by the people who were supposed to love you most in the world could do that to anyone I reckon. I needed only to imagine how my life would have been if I didn't have Esme and Carlisle loving me the way they did – and it was enough to make me shudder in pain. I felt sorry for Maria for her loneliness. And I wanted nothing more, nothing more than to take the pain of that loneliness and bitterness away from her, and replace it with my loving. Honestly, I thought if I showed her that she was loved, she'd be alright. We'd be alright. I thought she wanted what I wanted for her. I really did.

I tried to shut my ears from the mocking laughter ringing in my ears. The demon was looking at me piteously and I could feel my soul shredding once more even as it whispered cutting words into my head, my heart.

_What would a kid know about fixing a broken human soul? They have special places for that, why do you think you need several years of studying and a fucking doctorate to do that?_

The first time it happened, I hadn't seen her for two weeks - she was in New York visiting family or something. When she returned, I was horny as hell and was only too happy to see she felt the same way. We barely made it to her bedroom before our clothes were off. One thing about Maria that I loved was the fact that she was a voracious and dominating lover. I mistook that for her maturity - thinking that she knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it. Barely 2 minutes of me being on my back, she pulled out something from her drawer and the silver metal flashing in the sunlight creeping through her curtains was my first indication of just what she had in plan for us that afternoon.

"_What the fuck?! Mar…what are you doing with that?!"_

_I tried pushing her away but she was pretty strong and had me on a death grip somewhat over on the bed. I remembered looking frantically like a crazed man at the paper thin razor blade gleaming between her index finger and thumb and her own dark eyes, looking at me sinisterly, almost hungrily._

"_Don't you fucking make a move Jasper… Or I'll cut your throat."_

_My skin practically erupted with goosebumps at the malevolence on her face, in her voice. I was too shocked to be able to form a reply._

"_I learned something really, really nice back in New York… and I want us to try it… you trust me don't you baby?" _

She cooed at me in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"_Mar…sharp things aren't…"_

She shushed me up with one hand over my mouth and I still remembered the razor blade slicing the air so fucking close to my face that I flinched in her grasp. I was that afraid.

"_Shhh…baby… I just want to have fun with you… just trust me alright? I promise this is going to be good… Now tell me you trust me baby…"_

"_Mar…not with that thing…"_

_Before I could even finish my sentence, she ran the square piece of sharp metal swiftly over her arm, slicing her flesh open. My heart practically stopped beating as the horror of the sight hit me. She was the one who was bleeding but it felt as though I had been cut open a 100 times. I couldn't even begin to fathom the pain I felt at seeing her mutilate herself like that. I stopped thinking rationally.  
_

_I gripped her hand that was holding the razor blade - hard, and pried the offensive thing from her fingers and threw it as far away from us as I could on the floor before I grasped the sides of her face with both hands. I was shaking._

"…_Don't you ever…ever do that to yourself again!!" I breathed harshly to her face._

"_If you have to cut…let it be me…"_

"_But you don't trust…" she started, the inflection in her voice telling me clearly that she was agitated again. _

"_I trust you baby… okay? I trust you…" _

_The only thing running in my mind then was convincing her so she'd never do that again.  
_

"_Well..if you say so.."_

_I wondered why it didn't register in my head how easy she complied._

It was the beginning of our horribly wrong and sick relationship.

She didn't bother with permission after the first time. From that hour on, our relationship had been defined. She took and took and took.

"_Say my name bitch!"_

_Wince._

"_Say it!"_

_Slice._

_Grit._

_Pain._

"_Maria. Your name is Maria."_

_Slice._

_PAIN_

"_Tell me your mine. SAY IT! "_

_Maria. Please. Stop._

"_Jasper, I can't hear you baby….."_

_Wince._

_I could almost hear the zing of the thin metal as it cut across my sensitive skin._

"_I'm…..yours. I'm yours…only yours love."_

"_Good boy… you're a good boy.."_

_Slurp. Cool, wet licks. _

"_I love you Jasper."_

_Purposeful, accurate, torturous slow slits drawn against the planes of my chest. My arms. My hips. Wherever, whatever took her fancy.  
_

_Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly wicked, the slashes would be unexpected and quick. And messy. _

_Thank God I didn't scar badly._

_Red beads of blood would bubble out in stark contrast to my pale white skin._

_And she'd lap it up. Kissing the cuts, sealing them with a lick of her tongue even as we fucked. _

_I'd close my eyes and pretend the blade didn't slice my skin, that the cuts weren't real and the blood wasn't either._

_I'd close my ears and ignore the horrible words coming out of her pretty lips. It was painful enough that she seemed to be enjoying the physical pain – that she was exacting on me, somehow her taunts felt even worst._

'_She's angry, she doesn't mean it….she doesn't mean any of it. She never means any of it.' _I'd tell myself every fucking time.

_The satisfied, grateful smile on her face at the end was the only thing that kept me sane._

The counselor asked me why I didn't leave when I knew that what we were doing didn't feel right, wasn't right.

"_I couldn't… I promised her."_

"_She was hurting you Jasper… physically, mentally.."_

'_No shit Sherlock. You didn't think I was aware of that?!'_

If she had been constantly violent, perhaps I would have come to my senses early enough. Maybe I would have had the strength to break away, even if I did love her. As it were, just as she could be violent, other days – she'd revert to the Maria I was in love with. Here was the truth. It was because of these intermittent normal days with her that made me stay. Those days, I'd see the lost girl who cried for help. Or I'd see sweet Maria and it gave me hope every time. Or it would put the fear in me that if I left, her blood would be on my hands somehow. She had already made it known to me, she had no qualms about taking her life if I left her.

It was not long before I became numb. Numb from her pain, numb from mine. After that I stayed because… she'd become a part of my identity already I guess. I was her savior. It was that simple. It seemed that simple.

_It's so fucking scary to think how easy it is to have your perception twisted by the people who supposedly love you._

When the bloodletting became monotonous, she taught me new tricks. Drugs. And like a lamb to the slaughter, I followed.

I was trapped.

Maybe she really was the devil. When I'd kissed her that first time in her car, I'd inadvertently sold my soul to Jezebel. In return for a chance at saving the vulnerable lost girl I thought I saw in Maria, she would have her ways with me.

_Why couldn't I leave her?_

_Because…._

I loved her.

_How is it that people - dad, mom, the counselor cannot understand this simple fact?_

_I couldn't care less that she was the devil incarnate, I loved her. I loved her._

I did. Didn't I? That's why I wanted to save her so badly wasn't it?

**********

"_Young man, I've about had it with your unruly behavior…"_

I slipped up. One evening, I slipped up.

And dad caught me with my shirt off, my recent scars and scabs – only a day old, in full visual glory for him to see. I deserved his barging into my room like that, but I never expected him to do it. I tried in vain to cover myself up but by then, dad's eyes had taken a shocking shade of black and his own hands swiped my hands away from my body as if I was mere feather.

"Jasper…what…what happened to you?"

The shock, horror and sadness mingling in his voice as he whispered the words to me broke my heart. The way he was looking at me – his eyes was filled with so much pain, I felt ashamed that I had hurt him. Until realization hit him, that the cuts weren't inflicted by my own hands. Well most of it.

"Wait…Who did THIS to you??"

I was still shocked by his reaction that it didn't occur to me that I had immediately defended her the moment he asked.

In my 13 years of being under the Cullen home, I had never seen dad get as enraged as he did that evening.

"You ARE NOT to get out of this room until I tell you so! And I swear if she comes within 100 feet close to you from this second forth, GOD help me I will make sure she's locked up in jail for the rest of her young life. Do you hear ME?!!"

"Dad…please…please no…no…it won't happen again…PLEASE! "

My pleadings fell on deaf ears. I knew I would never meet her again and the thought killed me. I went mad in the ensuing days. Mad at not knowing what my father was going to do to her, if she was going to be alive after this. I was so afraid of losing her that I lost all rational sense.

"_She's a sadist Jasper! She hurts people for her own satisfaction! She's hurt you!" _ I could still hear Dad's angered rant at my face.

"_I don't care! I love..her! You don't understand dad..... She…she needs me.."_

He thought I was crazy. I bet my brothers thought I was crazy too.

Three days later, my parents threw me into my own personal hell. If it weren't for mom's begging, I seriously would have tried to run away.

In defiance, I guess, or maybe it was because I had already lost everything, so I thought – I broke the mirror in my bathroom and used a broken piece on the floor to cut myself.

'_Yes…you tried to kill yourself didn't you.... poor Jasper…'_

'_You know your mommy and daddy cried themselves to sleep for weeks because of what you did…'_

'_Stop it. Don't say anymore.'_

I never meant to hurt them.

I just... I just felt lost without her.

**********

"_Do you think she feels the same about you Jasper?"_

Morgan. That was the counselor's name. He was a bitch. I couldn't blame him. He had a tough job.

"_Do you?"_

_Yes. No._

"_It doesn't matter."_

"_It does. If she doesn't love you… then it's not what you think it is… it's not love."_

"_She said …"_

"_People lie…_

"_No. She didn't lie. She wouldn't lie to me."_

"_I'm sorry Jasper… I think she did... and you need to come to terms with this.."_

"_You love her right?"_

_Yes._

"_Would you ever wish for her to come to harm? Would you?"_

_No. That's why I never wanted her to cut herself ever again. That's why I told her to cut me instead._

"_If she felt the same way for you the way you did…Then answer me this question. What are those scars doing on your body? Why would she hurt you intentionally?"_

"_No.. you don't understand.. it's complicated.."_

Even locked in that facility, I was still defending her. Because I refused to see the truth of the matter. Because I honestly thought her reasons were justified. Because of my feelings for her. Because I still believed she loved me, in her own flawed way. She loved me.

"_I know it hurts. But you need to see facts."_

"_No…"_

"_She abus.."_

"_Don't say it… please… please don't say it."_

No amount of cutting and taunts from Maria could tantamount to the pain I felt when my heart was finally ripped out by this realization that they were right.

I called her. Stole Emmett's phone when he came for a visit one day, waited till the evening and then called her.

"_Maria... it's Jasper.."_

Honestly, I expected her to cry and tell me she missed me.

"_What do you want you son of a bitch? You've caused me enough shit already… couldn't handle a little pain so you went crying to daddy, huh?!!!"_

"_Maria.. I didn't… I swear.."_

"_Look crybaby… I always thought you were too beautiful to be a real man anyway… and now I know just how much of a wimp you are… all those times I was taunting you, challenging you to grow some balls and stop me, you never did.."_

"_I didn't want you hurting yourself Maria…you know I'd never lay a hand on you!"_

_You know very well why I let you cut me. I didn't want you to hurt yourself!_

_She mocked me with a shrill laugh. I was too shocked to react.  
_

"_What do you take me for Jasper? You'd think I'd really scar myself??? You're stupider than I thought…"_

_You don't mean it. You don't mean it._

"_Look sweetheart, I don't have all day listening to you cry… It was FUN while it lasted but I have to go…"_

"_I love you."_

_She laughed at me then. Shrill and condescending, like the demon I heard in my mind._

They were right.

I was just a play thing to her.

Toy.

Object.

**I loved her.**

**I trusted her with my heart. **

**I fucking gave it to her on a platter.**

**And she broke it.**

_**********_

Maybe I did deserve it.

Maybe I was just as sick as she was. Who in their right mind would let other people cut them voluntarily right?

Dad tried pleading with me. I remembered when I was a boy, even though mom was generally the one who could comfort me with her touch, I had always felt a connection with dad. Like he could read my mind and understand me even when I was complicated as hell. I knew it killed him when I shut him out for as long as I did.

"_But…I still …loved her..okay? I still cared for her, and I wanted to help her… she said she __**needed**__ me…"_

All lies. Nothing but lies.

_Her hurtful jibes while she cut me, reeled back into my mind as if they happened only yesterday. _

"_Why did she do that to me dad? Is it because I'm a bad seed? Is that why my real parents left me too?" _

"J_asper no..you're a good person okay? This is not your fault.. sometimes.. bad things happen to good people, it doesn't mean you deserve it!"_

I wanted to believe dad. I wanted to believe him so much.

But the pain she inflicted on my soul was just too deep.

It was just too deep.

* * *

A/N: all i can say is that I am so glad Bella and Alice came into his life....

How was this you lovelies?


	4. XMas Special: Thank You Santa

A/N : Disclaimer on SM's characters apply, though the tripod Cullen are mine...

Anyway, here's a wee little pressie . Fluffy Jasper goodness. ( because it's simply the best!)

* * *

**Thank You Santa**

It was almost 12 o'clock, and like every other house in Forks that night, the Cullens' home was shrouded in darkness, save for the family lounge downstairs which was blessed with a little respite from the flickering fairy lights dotting the branches and leaves of the impressively decorated 7 foot tall Christmas tree._ Leave it to Esme to have only the best decorated Christmas tree in all of Forks, perhaps even all of Washington_. The pitch black darkness could have been due to the fact that the moon was nowhere in sight tonight, and the jewel encrusted sky was also hidden by a thick blanket of snow bearing clouds. Outside, the once barren ground was slowly being covered by layers upon layers of snow; promising a day of fun and mischief for sure for three little boys when morning came.

_The night was perfect_. Thought one boy at least. Under the cover of darkness, two little figures crept surreptitiously out of their rooms and into the room closest to the stairs, the one that belonged to their newest brother who had yet to experience the magic that was to happen in a short while.

"Jas..wake up…it's time.."

It was the 6 year old, the oldest of the three mischief makers of the huge home. With his burly size, Emmett Cullen could easily pass for a 7 or even 8 year old. Not so his two younger brothers - they were 5 and 4 respectively, the blond one he was trying to wake having just turned the great big 5 only a few hours ago. Unlike him, they were both so tiny and looked so fragile at times, he sometimes felt sorry whenever he got a little rough with them when playing. Fortunately, what they lacked in size, they more than covered in their indomitable spirit. They were undoubtedly each others best friends and _brothers_, that much could be said. Emmett shook his brother's sleeping form while the youngest - the copper haired one who still had the propensity to stuck a thumb into his cherub mouth every now then when he wasn't aware of it, sat on his knees by the bed quietly, observing the 'boss' with an acute yet nonchalant look on his 'baby' face. Jasper Cullen, latest recruit, brother and fellow mischief maker grumbled softly in his sleep and pulled away from the annoying _nudger_; he was having a far too interesting dream of him opening his many Christmas and Birthday presents – they were so many that they sat on a pile in his room as high as the Christmas tree downstairs. He was simply overwhelmed by the sheer number of it that he was almost hyperventilating with excitement. So good was his dream that he didn't want to be disturbed. Not if he could help it.

"Jasper…wake up…it's time…he's coming!" Emmett hissed to his ear a little louder only to be met with a swat of his brother's hand as he snuggled deeper into his sport themed duvet. The brunette haired boy frowned. If they didn't hurry, they'd miss the magic. They'd miss out on watching the red suited grandpa as he laid out their presents under the Christmas tree and in the oversize red socks their mom had hung over the fireplace. He had yet to miss out on watching Santa since he woke up one night 2 years ago and caught him in the act. And last year, mom told him that he should include Edward since he would be big enough to catch the 'magic' with him. And he did and found to his liking that it was more fun to have Edward watch the spectacle with him than by himself, after all, a shared experience bode so much more excitement the following morning than one unshared. And this year, Jasper, their newest brother would be joining them. And boy it was going to be three times more fun in the morning. He could feel it already.

"Come on Jas..wake up..."he tried a little bit harder. Downstairs, the grandfather clock had begun chiming in its baritone note, indicating that midnight was upon them. If they didn't hurry, Santa would have done what he needed to do and leave. He couldn't possibly miss the magic!

Sensing his oldest brother's worry, he was after all an astute little boy, even if he was barely one hand worth of years in age; Edward pulled out his thumb from his mouth and crawled over to Jasper's other side, leaned over to his face and shouted.

"Jas!!" He grinned and pulled back quickly.

That did the trick; Jasper was up at once and for a brief second looked like a startled deer in the middle of the road, helplessly caught in the trance of headlights from an incoming car. His head snapped left and right in panic for a second before Emmett's hand on his shoulder calmed him down sufficiently.

"Thanks Eddie..."Emmett whispered to his youngest brother for his quick thinking. The grin on Edward's face was replaced by a slight frown. He hated being called _that._

Jasper on the other hand, having realized he had been unceremoniously interrupted from his wonderful dream, grumbled and pouted non too happily at both of them.

"You two ruined my dream..." he whined, raising his hands and rubbing sleep from his eyes with the heel of his palms.

"Sorry Jas… but if it makes you feel better… it's time!" Emmett offered happily and waggled his eyebrows and head towards the door, towards the direction of downstairs to be exact. For days he had been reminding his two brothers of tonight's mission. As if a light had been turned on in his little head, Jasper's blue eyes cleared and brightened instantly, like those of his brothers and a wide smile crept to his once pouting face. He had forgotten all about it!

"Come on! And keep quiet... otherwise he won't come.." Emmett whispered as he led the group out into the passage. Towards the stairs they crept and tiptoed, passing their parents' room in a stealthy silence that would have made GI Joe proud.

"I wanna go further down…" Jasper whispered when Emmett settled down on the second topmost stair.

"Shh…and no…you don't want to scare him do you? If we scare him, he won't give us all our presents... I certainly don't want that.. I made a long list this year you know.."

"I don't think he'll be scared of three little boys…" Jasper started to argue, but then Edward's quiet gasp of 'Ohh' distracted his attention at once. His own eyes averted downstairs and sure enough he saw what Edward had gasped at.

'Santa!'

All three boys sat in awed silence at once as they watched the bearded old man appear from behind the Christmas tree and started pulling out wrapped presents from his huge bag.

Jasper had never seen Santa before. At least he's never seen a real one. Back at the orphanage, Sister Angeline had stressed to them that Christmas was not about Santa and presents but about Baby Jesus being born and bringing light into the world and saving mankind. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

"He's real…" he whispered, more to himself really, even as he gripped the steel banisters tightly, watching with growing saucer eyes as the old, fat man in the red suit pulled out boxes after boxes of presents and piled them under the tree, joining the litter of presents already there, the ones given by their parents. He recalled mommy asking him for his letter to Santa a few weeks back and how he had, after thinking about it for hours, tried to condense his wishlist to a neat bulleted form of only 10 of his topmost wishes. She didn't say how many he could wish for, and when he had asked Emmett about his letter, which he had done a month back, Emmett told him with a loud guffaw, as he always did; that he had about 100 requests written in his letter this year. _100? Surely that was too much?!_

"Well, I have been a good boy this year and the more you wish for the easier it is for Santa to get the presents for you, you know..he's an old man and all and very busy too…I just think that if you give him a lot of choices, there's an off chance that he can get half of those for you, than if you made one very hard wish to fulfill."

"Wow..you're clever..I never would have thought of that..."

"Of course I am..I'm 6."

_Of course._

But a 100 was still a lot of wishes to make and last year he had only made one wish. Maybe Emmett was right, maybe that was why it took Santa a while to grant it for him, because he didn't give Santa a few choices to choose from. But he always believed it was mostly because he never wrote that letter to Santa last year and only murmured it softly to himself before he went to bed the night of his birthday.

Using a colored paper in red, to which he glued bits and pieces of pine leaves on to create a miniature version of a Christmas tree on the paper and white wool to resemble snow, he wrote his 10 wishes or requests in the neatest handwriting he could come up with, which took a lot of effort and time, him being only almost five and his dexterity still needing some work. And when that was done, he folded the piece of paper, placed it in an envelope mommy had given him and promptly gave it to her to post.

He wondered now, even as they all continued to watch in silent amazement as the pile of gifts continued to grow, if his letter was really posted. It must have been, if the lot of gifts that the bearded old man was pulling out of his magical bag was of any indication. _Unless they were all for Emmett? Surely not?_

Last year, his Christmas wish, the one that he hadn't written and merely muttered to himself, was to have a new mommy and daddy and a new family, just like his good friend Evan had in October of that year. Evan had been to Disneyland and flown everywhere since he had a new mommy and daddy, and a new sister too. He looked really happy in the pictures Sister Angeline had shown them. It was the smile on Evan's face that made him long for the same thing, not so much the Disneyland and flying stuff Sister Angeline mentioned.

His present came three months late but it came nonetheless. And it was the best gift he could have ever asked for. Undoubtedly busy, and old as Santa was, and even though he had made it extra hard for him to fulfill his request by not having written it down on a piece of paper like every other kid out there, and in addition to that - he hadn't even given Santa the benefit of a few choices like Emmett had cleverly pointed out to him; regardless of his next to impossible wish of last year, Santa had made it possible anyhow. Late as it was, he granted his Christmas wish. Santa made his dream come true.

Overcome by a sudden feeling of happiness mixed with something else in his tiny person, Jasper suddenly had the urge to do something brave. He wanted to thank that old man personally. After all, he wouldn't have mommy or daddy or Emmett and Edward if not for him.

Before any of his brothers could react, he stood up and scrambled down the stairs quick as lightning, but stealthily so because he remembered Emmett's warning about the old man disappearing if they scared him. He ignored his brothers' stifled gasps and crept up behind the old man with pursed lips but somewhat resolute determination.

"Err…excuse me Santa sir?"

He tried to speak out, but his voice was choking with trepidation and a feeling he could not quite describe, only that he knew it was threatening to make his eyes water, even if he wasn't in pain nor did he feel sad.

A squeak it was but it was enough to make Santa whirl around and look startled for a second.

_Did he just hear Santa curse? _

For a second there, Jasper lost his wits and his train of thought as the large old man, in red no less, stood towering before him, looking down at him from behind his bushy beard and bushy eyebrows. If he weren't Santa, Jasper would have been very scared. He knew he would. Big Fat Old Men could look very _intiminating…inti... intimidating…_ after all. He could choke and die if he were hugged by one. Ugh.

"Ho..Ho. Ho...what have we here… seems like I've been caught tonight!" Santa's voice pulled him out of his thoughts instantly. Hearing the warm tone of the old man's voice, Jasper felt his wits returning again and he smiled graciously at him now. Daring himself to step closer, he reached out for Santa's gloved hand tentatively and pulled down gently, something he did whenever he wanted an adult to come down to his height.

"Sorry to disturb you Santa….this won't take long I promise..do you mind coming down so I can speak to you quickly?" he asked peering up at the snow covered face.

"Sure thing my boy…"

His courage grew exponentially wider when the old man crouched and he saw kind eyes looking back at him. Kinda like his daddy's eyes; kind and comforting and full of love.

"Now what is it that I can do for you? Have you got an extra wish? A letter I missed perhaps?" Santa uttered in his warm tone of a voice, peering into Jasper's face with the tenderness of a grandfather.

Truth be told, Jasper hadn't known exactly how or what he would say to the old man in the red suit when he decided to come down and speak to him, but he knew exactly what his mind wanted to do now. Without waiting a second more, he threw his arms around the red figure and hugged the old man tightly around the neck, letting the soft beard tickle his skin. He smiled into the fluffy beard even more when Santa's pudgy and soft arms came around his back and hugged him in return, making him sink into his rotund belly. He couldn't stop a giggle when the hairy face made his neck itch with tickles now.

"Thank you my boy…. But what was the hug for?" Santa asked him when they finally pulled away, but only just. Jasper was still wrapped in his arm and partly sitting on his lap.

"That was for my present last year…even if it was a few months late…" Jasper whispered, twirling a finger in the bushy beard.

"It was my fault so I shouldn't even blame you for being late…but I just had to come and thank you for making it come true, even though I never posted a letter to you – it must have been really hard for you to have to guess what I wanted, and secondly, I only made one wish and that made it even harder because I didn't give you a few choices to choose from…" he said rather wistfully.

Santa looked a little perplexed suddenly and seemed to be pondering on an adequate response now.

"I'm sorry… Jasper.."

"How did you…know my name?"

For a second Jasper's eyes grew wide because he was shocked that Santa, Santa knew his name. He thought that _that_ was simply beyond exciting, until it dawned on him that Santa probably knew every kid's name in the whole wide world.

"Sorry Santa…I'm being silly… of course you know all our names…. You're Santa after all.. but..carry on.. I'm sorry for interrupting you…"

Even beneath all that bushy hair, Jasper could see Santa's approving smile. One thing his mommy need never worry about was his manners. He was always very good with his 'please', and 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry's.

"Well, I was going to ask you Jasper… you know being in this business and all and being as old as a grandfather that I am…I sometimes forget what and who wished for what…do you mind telling me what it was that you wished for last year again?"

"I wished for a mommy and daddy…and maybe a brother or sister.."

"And..and… you gave me my mommy and daddy and the best brothers in the whole world.."

"You were a little late, but that's fine cause like I said..it was my fault I didn't put it on a letter and posted it to you…" he explained sheepishly.

Santa was caught in a momentary lapse of coherent thought and he looked like he was about to cry which made Jasper a little worried suddenly.

"Santa.. you okay? You look like you're about to cry…"

Behind him, Jasper could hear his brother Emmett groaning something that sounded like _Oh man..now Santa's gonna leave…_ He tacitly ignored it.

With a loud snort and a HO HO HO, Jasper relaxed when the old man seemed to have regained his merry old self again.

"So tell me Jasper… are you happy? With this new family?"

_He just had to ask._

The look on Jasper's face was pure joy. There was no denying that he was.

"The best. My mommy and daddy are like angels.. they love me very much and I love them very much too… and I have the best brothers, they're my best friends in the whole wide world.. Thank you Santa." It was Jasper's turn to sniffle a little. He was really, really very grateful to him for having granted his almost impossible request. With that, he hugged the old man one more time and breathed in his somewhat floral scent. It reminded him of his own fresh cleaned shirts that his mommy always made him wear. He thought it was funny that Santa smelled exactly like his clean clothes but pushed the thought aside, choosing to revel instead in the warmth of the embrace with the old man who seemed to be hugging him just a little tighter and a tad longer than previously. When the hug ended, and he looked back up into the snow covered face, it seemed to him that Santa's blueish eyes had gone a little misty, kinda like how he felt, but then maybe it was just his eyes playing tricks with him because he was getting sleepy again. Just as the thought crossed his mind, he let out a huge yawn.

"Ho Ho Ho.."

Santa bellowed softly and ruffled his hair.

"Me thinks someone is getting sleepy now… you and your brothers best return to your rooms and get some sleep if you boys want to get up early to open your presents and play some snow too.."

"There's snow?"

"Yup! look there.." With that he pointed at the window and watched with quite wonder as Jasper's face brightened at the spectacle happening outside.

_His first white Christmas._

"I guess I better go now…I hope you're not mad that I disturbed you while you were busy…I know we weren't suppose to know…"

"Ho Ho….Santa makes an exception every now and then…but off you go…and your brothers too… … otherwise I might have to take away some of the presents…"

A little noise came from the stairs then.

"We heard you Santa…. And we're going to bed now.. leave the presents where they are okay?…" Emmett hollered, getting up instantly. He and Edward had crept down to sit closer to ground but stayed on the stairs nonetheless.

"Come Eddie….let's go…" He pulled an already sleepy Edward up and pushed him up the stairs gently.

"Good night Santa…. Make sure you fill my socks with plenty of yummy things okay?" Edward muttered sleepily, smiling even as Emmett continued to push him up.

"Jas..come on… before he takes away half of my presents…" Emmett whispered loudly.

"Night Santa…Happy Christmas! " Jasper yawned happily again as he trudged up the stairs behind Emmett.

"Night boys…and Happy Christmas.."

*******

"I take it you heard all that?" Carlisle mumbled as he undid the Santa costume quietly in the safety of their laundry room 15 minutes later. Esme giggled as she helped her husband to get out of the Christmas suit.

"Only the last few words while they were coming up…so who sprung up on you?" She inquired as she helped to undo the bandage that was strapping the fluffy cushion around Carlisle's waist.

"Jasper…" He mumbled as he stripped the oversize red pants down, and appearing in his pajamas again.

"Yeah? Hmm…did he want to ask Santa for something extra?" she asked, eyes lighting up in mirth as she folded the red suit into the TEVO bag again. She'd compress the thing first thing tomorrow with the vacuum cleaner so she could store it away for next year.

"Actually sweetheart.. he came to thank me… Santa…I mean..for his present last year."

She turned, curiosity mixed with that obvious "aww" fluffy goodness only a mother could get away with written all over her face. Carlisle chuckled softly. Women were too easy to melt sometimes.

"Really? What was it babe? What did he ask for last year?" She asked, just as he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms.

"He wished for a mommy and daddy and a family last year…" He murmured to her face gently. Just as it had almost done a number on him in the lounge with Jasper a short while ago, he could see Esme's eyes misting instantly.

"Ohh…." She gasped quietly instead, before biting her lip and burying her face into his shoulder. He savored their closeness for a second before mumbling to her the rest of his conversation with Jasper that evening. It was all Esme could do to start sniffling when Carlisle mentioned to her Jasper's exact words to him about his new family. To know that he was happy to be with them, that he felt loved and he loved them just as much, not that his actions in the last 8 months would have proven otherwise – but somehow hearing him tell Santa that, even if it was really in fact Carlisle, it was the best Christmas gift she has ever received from anyone. She had had a feeling that Jasper was a special child when they first laid eyes on him, but to be on the receiving side of his enormous and innocent loving soul, it was overwhelming at times. More so since he was only 5. She could understand it coming from an older child perhaps, and even that was an anomaly because most kids took rather than gave, needing, craving affection - it was expected of kids - but someone his age? He seemed like a really old soul in a child's body and mind the more she thought about it.

"You know we're blessed right? We're so blessed. All our kids are so beautiful and wonderful..I never thought…I'd be privileged again you know? And now..after all that's happened….I have a naughty, mischievous but totally irreplaceable son in Emmett, a wise, astute and prodigious son in Edward, and a passionate, enormously giving and loving old soul in Jasper. I'm too happy for words… how did we get so lucky Carlisle?"

He tittered softly.

"I don't know babe…maybe I have a standing relationship with Santa..you know?" he teased, rubbing her nose with his finger playfully.

Esme swatted her husband's chest in mock irritation.

Carlisle only laughed louder before he remembered something else that Jasper had told him.

"You know… even if he was grateful for his gift… he did point out to Santa that his present arrived three months late."

"He didn't?" Esme responded, mouth gaping slightly.

"He did… although he was _very_ understanding about it.. citing that it was probably because he hadn't written a letter and that's why it took a while for Santa to find out what exactly he had wished for."

Esme chuckled. Their son was not only bloody cute, but he was a smart ass too!

"Oh dear babe … I think I've fallen in love…" She tittered again, causing her husband to roll his eyes dramatically.

"Oh yeah…I can see that written all over your face honey… just remember though…I'm the Santa okay.. the SANTA…it was I who made his dream come true…so take that Jasper.." he snorted jokingly.

"I best remember that now hey?" she raised an eyebrow at him suggestively before breaking into another giggle. Jealous Carlisle, even if he was only joking was very cute. Very cute, in a sexy way.

"You know what babe?" She spoke out just loud enough when they had reached the safe enclosure of their room.

"Hmmm..?" Carlisle answered her silently as he closed the door behind him.

"I think Santarina wants to say thank you to Santa too for her gift…a special thank you.."

The ensuing chuckle couldn't be stifled this time as a low growl answered her and she was swept off her feet and thrown onto their huge bed with a soft thud.

Carlisle smiled. _Being Santa had its advantages, even if he had to wear the enormous, ugly red ugly suit, and had a 'heavy' responsibility and not to mention baggage to carry one single night every year. This year's surprising gift from his newest son had just made it even sweeter than ever. It was magic all right. Even for an adult like him._

_'Thank you Santa.. for bringing Jasper to us..'. _He whispered silently to the darkness again before turning in his bed and pulling his Esme to his chest, settling in for a good night's sleep._  
_

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_A/N: Did'ja like it? _Enjoy and have a happy, safe Christmas all...angst returning in the new year!


	5. Maria Maria Part Deux

Disclaimer: All disclaimer pertaining to SM's original characters applies.  
A/N: Hope you all had a wonderful new year. Here's another outtake for Maria Maria from Edward's and Emmett's POV.

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**Maria Maria - Part Deux**

_**Edward POV**_

_What the hell was he thinking?_

Sure, he'd been acting a little off kilter the last few weeks – he was distant, kept to himself more than usual. And sure I had caught him smoking a joint a couple of times, but then so did we. I never thought he went beyond a spliff or two in any case; we were after all at the age of experimentation. What high school boy didn't?

I had tried asking a few weeks back what was troubling him but got 4 words in retort – _none of your business._ I knew better than to push him, having learnt a not so nice lesson not so many years ago courtesy of Emmett the bulldozer. That stunt ended with a verbal blowout and subsequent cold war in the house for 5 agonizing days. The house never felt as cold or more fragile as it did then. Moody Jasper was way worse than moody me. At least I only filled the house with melancholic music when I got angry. Jasper? Jasper seemed intent on making everyone in his vicinity feel just as bad as he was. He just has a way with feelings that it makes me think sometimes he has special powers. Of course he doesn't. He's just one badass mope-r. Mom was a little more successful than Emmett and me in prying information from him. He relented, probably because of those famous brown eyes, and confessed that there was slight trouble in paradise. It sounded like straightforward teenage relationship squabble to her so she left it at that. Clearly he left out the finer details of said issues. A lot of it.

Maybe I should have pressed harder. Hell, I should have listened to my instinct perhaps and voiced my concern out. The mere fact that their relationship became serious and almost a secret after the first couple of months should have alerted Emmett and me that he was maybe diving into this relationship too fast too soon. But then again, he'd seem so happy and content; well at least until the last few weeks – how could I take that away from him? Besides, he was the wiser one of my two brothers; and if Emmett could survive his many failed relationships so far, logically Jasper could only sail through with flying colors.

Well… he was the master of deception.

_Fucking liar._

My nerves bristled at the thought that one of my brothers, one of my best friends for as long as I'd been alive, betrayed me, betrayed my trust. And just as the thought ran past my mind, I caught the same look of anger flit across Emmett's face.

"Angry?"

He huffed then threw a fist down onto the couch. _Poor couch._

"Okay.. no need to destroy mom's couch.."

He rolled his eyes before wiping the exasperation on his face with one palm.

"He lied to us… fuck how did he manage to hide this? Did you notice something was wrong?"

I told him what I thought.

"I'm just as angry as you are Emm.. I'm livid that he lied to us, but then again… this is Jas. How can we have expected him to treat his first relationship the way you treat yours?"

"Hey! What do you mean by that? Should I be insulted?"

I grinned despite the circumstances. Emmett was… well Emmett.

"Sorry bro...I didn't mean it that way. But you know Jas, if he falls in love… trust him to fall hard. And trust him to go the distance for the girl who owns his heart."

"Well a lot of good that did him...."

Sadly, his strong point was also his Achilles heel. I shrugged.

"What can I say, rebel Jas is not quite what he really is...he's too emotionally driven for his own good sometimes.."

Apparently the anger had not totally passed him because he growled again.

"Arrghh! He's our brother I know, and I'm supposed to be understanding, but still… I can't believe he let her do those things to him! This is Jas! He's not some dumb jock, dude got brains! She fucking cut him Edward! Fucking …abused him! I get furious just thinking about those marks on his body! I have to side with dad here.. how can he be so fucking…stupid?! I'm not as bright as he is but even I can tell what's right and what's wrong and those cuts are fucking wrong!"

It was painful enough to have the image of Jasper's scarred torso flashing in my mind again, but I cringed even harder at Emmett's obvious anger at our brother. I wondered what Jas would feel if he was privy to Emmett's cutting words right now. Would it put some sense into his love clouded judgment?

"And you think getting angry or alienating Jas right now is going to be of help? Correct me but I think dad's rage is enough to cover all of ours…"

Emmett scowled at me, but calmed down discernibly. I was right.

Watching Jas break down in his room like that was a first. He might not be built like Emmett, and he might've passed off as a pretty boy as a kid and in that sense possessed the delicate and fragile qualities normally associated with the opposite kind, but his outer shell had always belied the inner strength he possessed. I should know, I grew up with him, I observed him. Jas could humble a man twice his size if he wanted to – and he needed only open his mouth. Where Emmett used brute force, Jas used his wit and sharp tongue. In all my years growing up with him, I'd never once seen Jas look as defeated, as helpless and lost as he did than this evening. And it pained me somehow to see him like that. As if someone had finally stripped him off of his tough inner shell and made him vulnerable.

The more the images simmered in my head, the clearer the pictures became. If there was one person to blame for this, it was that bitch. She played him. Hell she even played us those first couple of months when Jas was eagerly trying to seek our approval of her. Hadn't we all said he was one lucky dude earlier in the relationship? The truth was, those first couple of months, even I had been a little envious of my brother because he found happiness in someone as gorgeous and perfect as Maria Torres. Who knew she was actually a wolf in sheep's clothing?

"You want to get mad at somebody Emm? Get mad at her. She fucking us played us all…Jasper relied on our approval of her, remember? I gave my approval, you gave yours. Mom thought she was fantastic?"

He gave off a tired sigh, looking at me dejectedly. At least he agreed with me on that.

I just hope we weren't too late to save him from being totally broken by her.

************

"Hey..you wanna talk?"

I wasn't sure if he was embarrassed to see me or if he was genially in a sour mood to talk because he didn't bother to look up when I came in. For a second I was torn between leaving and planting my ass there by force, until he inched backward against the headboard and pulled his legs up to hold them against his chest; making space on the bed for me; not that he needed to make space on the king size bed. I plopped down on the edge of the mattress and looked at my brother silently for a second. Emmett was still too angry so that left me. Mom had been begging one of us to try and speak to him all evening, since dad was still fuming with rage as well and had locked himself in his office, under orders from mom.

"I'm…sorry.. for keeping this from everyone.."

I couldn't help but notice the red rimmed eyes. He'd been crying. Damn, he looked really helpless.

"The question is why Jas? Why let it happen in the first place? I mean…how long has this been going on? I'm angry by the fact that you thought you couldn't trust us to help…that's what brothers are for you know?"

"If I told you or Emm… you would have barred me from ever seeing her.."

"Well yeah!..Have you seen those marks on your body Jas?!" I lashed out unintentionally, the anger still bristling in my mind escaping the tight rein I thought I had on it. He flinched at my tone. A tiny surge of guilt flitted through my conscience.

"Sorry.. I didn't mean to raise my voice.. I'm just.. why didn't you tell us Jas? What happened?" I asked.

"It's not my story to tell okay? It's complicated..All I can say is that I can't leave her.. and I won't. I can't expect any of you to make sense of this, but it's not just a game..I know you think like dad..that she's a sadist or something.. But it's because she's got a lot of things on her plate okay? So she lashes out once a while…with razors.."

"Jesus Jas...razors?! Are you mad!?"

"Please don't tell dad… I swear, it doesn't happen a lot…" he mumbled, not looking at me, fidgeting in his position. My eyes narrowed sharply at him.

_Lying again._ I let it go for the moment, sensing it futile to address that issue with him right now.

"Dad's still mad?" He inquired softly, glancing up at me. Guilt was written all over his face. At least he had the sense to feel he was wrong in this still. There was hope.

"Mom has him on lockdown in his office to calm down." I shrugged and couldn't help but smile a little. He returned it.

"Hey ... whatever decision dad comes up with, I hope you know he's doing it because he cares for you. He may be Hurricane Carlisle right now, but it's only because he's hurt that you're hurt like this…You know he loves you right? We all do.."

He pulled a ragged breath in, tired eyes closing, head falling against the headboard again – a stance I assumed was him contemplating on what I'd just said to him. We had yet to know what dad was planning to do with Jas. Ground him for life I suppose. I just hoped whatever it was Jas wouldn't take it too bad.

"I love her Edward."

"I can tell."

He may be lying about the cutting, but there wasn't an ounce of doubt in me about the sincerity of his words as he said them to me now. I was torn between wanting to comfort my brother and slapping him awake.

"I care for her… and she needs me."

"You have to help me convince dad Edward… I have to see her…"

_And then there's that. _

Shock coursed through me as I sat there looking at him, my brain still trying to process what he had just asked of me. Convince our dad so he could see her again? What part of her abusing him didn't he understand? The way he was carrying about what's been happening, what's happened, it was as if he was on a different reality altogether. What did this devil spawn do to my brother?

I pulled away from him, feeling my anger surface once more. And for the first time since we found out this evening, I let it surface in all its intensity.

"You want to see her still? Even after what she's done to you? Jas.. are you even listening to yourself? What's happened to you? Maria… that bitch cuts you open like you're a piece of meat and you're telling me to convince dad to overturn his decision??! Have.. Have you seriously lost your mind?"

I failed to see the black cloud hovering over our heads, just waiting for an opportune moment to burst. Apparently I'd said something wrong in my rant because he was on me instantly, pushing me down against the mattress, eyes misting with anger.

"Don't you dare call her that! You've got no idea who she is, and the problems she's facing – I do! And for the record… it isn't just her. I did it to myself. I asked her to cut me! So don't blame this shit on her – I knew what I was doing!" He hissed to my face, fist bunched around the collar of my shirt tightly. And just as quickly as it had appeared, the rage disappeared and was replaced by another emotion. Shame.

I was flabbergasted, shocked. My brother had just admitted to me that he voluntarily mutilated himself. The look of shame on his face at his admission, which I realized he didn't exactly intend to reveal, but revealed all the same, just stoked the fire in my heart even more.

"Well... that's just fine then Jas.." I said coldly as I pulled myself away from his grip roughly. My intention of coming to talk to him rationally when I stepped into his room earlier was gone. There was no sense in talking to him rationally when he wasn't …

"I'm sorry…"

My raised hand stopped him mid sentence. Cold rage seethed from my pores.

"I don't know what she's done to you… but clearly you're not yourself anymore… and you know what? I'd rather you hate me for life than help you convince dad to change his mind so you can continue to cut yourself, hell maybe one day you'll kill yourself for her! Is that what you want?! You'd do that hey Jas… if she asked you to?! Emmett was so right to be furious with you!"

"Edward.. please… please I'm sorry..it's not like that…look I'll explain.."

I stood there stuck in a momentary stasis while I watched with detached feelings this stranger try to placate and convince me to help him get off the hook. Where was my brother? Where was the strong willed, steady and wise thinking brother that I grew up with? What happened to him?

"NO. No Jas. You'll thank dad one day.. but I won't help you… I can't…"

"Edward..please!"

I ran before he could utter another word, slamming the door shut behind me. I flinched at the sliver of pain cutting through my body even as I heard him angrily screaming '_FINE' _before something heavy crashed against the door behind me.

I didn't know who the person behind the door was anymore. And it hurt more than I thought possible.

************

Dad was serious about keeping Devil Spawn away from Jas for good. He filed for a restraining order. He called Mr. Torres and threatened Maria with a heavier charge of statutory rape if she as much as tried to get in touch with Jasper again.

Three days later, despite Jasper's teary pleading to mom to not send him away, dad packed him off to a rehab center in Seattle anyway. I got even angrier at Jas because now mom was hurting.

Fine, he apparently thought he was in love with this... this devil in disguise. But I didn't think, none of us thought for a second, that he'd do something worse than what he'd already allowed to happen. I didn't think he'd be that far gone.

Not a few days had flown by after Jas's admittance before I was woken up late at night from noise coming from outside my room. I opened the door to see mom and dad looking absolutely distraught, and _fighting? _

"Mom, dad? What's wrong? What happened?"

Mom broke down, only to tell Emmett, who'd also been woken up by the noise, and me that Jas had apparently tried to kill himself. He broke the mirror in his bathroom and using one of the broken shards, sliced his arms open. She lashed out at dad. The first time I'd seen her 'fight' with him over something so vocally, so angrily.

"You correct this Carlisle! I told you we shouldn't have sent him away! As much as this is that woman's fault, it's yours too, it's ours! We're so enraged by the fact that he's made this mistake... but did we try to listen to him? We should've been there for him and instead he's locked up somewhere … like this is supposed to solve his problem? All it does is alienate him even further from the people he really needs support from. And look what good that did!"

"Carlisle…If I lose my son…"

I hugged mom tightly, effectively stopping her from uttering a word more. She was trembling in my hold. I was riddled with guilt. Was mom right? Had I been too hard on him? Had I been blindsided by my own anger and disappointment that I failed to see that maybe subconsciously he was reaching out for help? The distraught look on dad's face only made me feel worse off.

"Mom…please stop crying…please? We promise we'll be there for him from now on, okay?" I implored softly.

It was a promise Emmett and I worked hard to deliver from the very next day. Not that it helped at first. The cuts on his wrists weren't too deep - thankfully, and they had caught him early before any lasting damage took place. But he went from an angry, raging teenager to a mute, detached reclusive shell. Day in day out we'd go there after school to try and speak to him, he'd either lie on his bed with his back to us, or he'd just stare into space as if we weren't even there. And yet, even with his self imposed silence, he couldn't hide the pain from his eyes, no matter how stoic or removed he tried to appear. I could fucking feel it in the room, hanging over him, over us like a black cloud.

One evening we were returning home, Emmett realized he'd lost his phone. It didn't take a genius to know what happened to it. The phone was on the side table the next day we came for a visit. He looked even worse than ever, as if he'd been crying all night.

"You wanna talk Jas?" I asked again, as I had done the last 7 days. I didn't expect him to respond, but I tried anyway.

"You guys were right. I'm a fucking fool." He mumbled numbly.

If I was startled to hear him speak finally, I kept it to myself. I could see relief washing over Emmett's face finally. He was very close to bullying Jas to speak again.

He was still not looking at either of us, rather continued gazing at nothing, lost in his own thoughts.

"You called her?" I asked, trying to make a conversation. I got an acerbic chuckle in return.

"What did she say?"

"Enough to let me know what a dumbass I am for believing her…y'know the only reason I told her to.. to cut me… was so she didn't hurt herself again.. The first time it happened.. she cut herself in front of me..just slashed herself like she wasn't worth anything…I couldn't."

Even I cringed at the image of Maria cutting herself. It couldn't have been easy to see the person you cared for hurt herself so recklessly.

"I told her to cut me .. because.. I couldn't bear to see her getting hurt.."

I felt my anger rise in spite of myself. Not at my brother but at the cunning bitch. I could already guess the content of his call to her last night. Bitch probably told him she set him up.

"It was my fault. I gave her permission…I told her to cut me." He laughed again. The same acerbic, derisive tone aimed at himself.

"But she wouldn't stop after that…kept threatening to kill herself if I left…I was so afraid. I was afraid for her. I was afraid she'd kill herself if I said no. She's right, I should have said no the next time… but I was too much of a wimp to say it…it's my fault.."

"Jas.. listen to me. This is not your fault! It's so clear that she manipulated you.. You loved her, there's nothing wrong with that. Listen to me… she used your feelings to her advantage. Can you see that? The only person that's wrong in that picture is her, not you. I'm sorry you got hurt. I'm sorry she hurt you bad… I know it doesn't seem like it's going to get better now, but it will.. I promise you." Emmett tried to comfort him although I could see he was battling to keep his own anger in check.

I could only watch silently as Jas swallowed what could only be a sob. I was wrong about that evening. He had never looked as vulnerable and as lost as he was right now. "I trusted her Emm…" He whimpered, voice cracked. The significance of his tiny admission, of the word itself did not escape us.

"I know and I'm sorry…I'm sorry Jas."

He looked absolutely broken, just leaning his forehead against Emmett's shoulder now. From where I sat, I could see he was shaking.

I'd seen Jas cry numerous times as a kid. A few times he'd bawled out crying even. But watching him weep quietly on Emmett's shoulder now, I knew the pain he was feeling was incomparable to all the other physical pain he'd been through before. And the worst of it was, there was nothing we could do to take that pain away from him.

I wanted so much to kill that bitch for hurting my brother.

He was broken and I wasn't too sure if we could help patch him up again.

************

_6 years later_

_**Emmett POV**_

I never thought the day would come.

It happened in a car park of all places. We were heading to Dulce's café just across the road to meet mom and the girls for coffee and lunch, after their morning of shopping. It was a Saturday and we were bored out of our minds at home and had decided on a spur to drive to Port Angeles and hijack the shopping trip quickly. It was supposed to be just Edward and myself as Jasper still had the normal restrictions with regards to going to public places but apparently this afternoon was his self elected Free Pass day or something. Truth was he almost threw a tantrum when Edward and I wanted to leave him.

_That's right…a tantrum._

_************_

"I'm going with you guys…I'm sure I can survive a coffee shop!"

"Jas...you've got restrictions…public places – germs, remember?" Edward tried reminding him at first.

"We won't be long anyhow, an hour max…" I said next, trying to keep the grin off of my face. The look on Jas's face was just too 'gold', I wished I had a camera right then. His bottom lip stuck out and he looked like he was going to start crying if we stepped out of the door.

"Well then I can come with…you guys won't be long there… I just need to get out guys.. please?"

"No Jas… now be a good boy and wait for daddy… he should be coming home soon…" Edward smirked. The grin on my face only got wider. If we knew Jas at all, he was going to get pissed with that statement.

My brother fucking rolled his eyes. _Princess._

"But I'm boooorrrrrred!"

He practically wailed. Like I said, _princess._

"That's it, I come with you guys or I drive myself there… You can't stop me…" He threatened shortly after and quick as a cheetah, he'd taken the keys to the bike before Edward and I could react. I didn't know why I didn't think of that earlier on.

"Besides, the way you guys are hovering around me like my personal Secret service, even germs won't have a chance to come within 100 feet radius of me.. I swear.. I'll be fine.."

"Mom and dad are gonna have our heads, you know this?"

Now he smirked.

"Let's get going…I'm dying to see the horror on mom and Alice's face..."

"And Eddie…you better watch your back this evening…for that statement you made just now.." He warned, but the glint in his eyes told me he was only teasing.

"Aww Jazzy…you know you like it when dad gives you special treatments the way he does sometime…"

I laughed and shook my head even as Jas pummeled a fist at Edward's shoulder, hard. He was right of course. Dad practically babied him for the first month after he woke up from his coma and subsequent brain surgery, and while Jas didn't outright tell dad to back off, because he felt guilty himself for causing the trauma in the first place, he did a few times bitch to us about dad's mollycoddling. Poor Jas, it took mom's intervention to finally get dad to step back a little. We couldn't blame him though – he personally felt responsible for Jas's complications. Even mom's distress did not compare to his.

That was months ago, and yet, every time the memory came to mind, I could not help but shudder. It was the most intense time for everyone. Jas went through one horrible complication after another and that last blow with the brain bleed, I was honestly tethering on the precipice myself, a step away from having a nervous breakdown.

***********

"Fucking hell.."

Edward's barely there cursing did not escape my attention. I turned to him instantly, wondering what could have gotten him pissed suddenly. Jas was still crouched on the ground tying his laces up, with his mobile pressed against one ear, placating dad with his break free from jail excursion.

My blood went cold when I followed his train of sight.

_Oh No. That's not who I think I it is…_

"Is that…?"

He nodded.

"Fuck."

"Fuck what Emm? What's wrong with you guys..." Jas finally stood up, sliding his phone into his backpocket.

I didn't know then what to do – whether to tell Jas who it was we saw or just let it slip quietly.

"Oh…nothing.." I mumbled hurriedly, hoping he won't see what we just saw and we could just let it slip by.

"Ohh…"

_Oh well there's that._

His body tensed and his eyes turned a darker shade of blue for a split second.

"Just ignore her Jas... let's go this way," I suggested.

_Too late for that too_. Apparently the bitch had seen us and was already making her way towards us.

"Well well well… I didn't expect this…Jasper.."

"Stay the fuck away bitch…" Edward hissed as we both stepped protectively in front of Jas. I knew for sure Jas wouldn't appreciate the stance we took if only because he was more than capable of handling Devil Spawn here himself, but I simply could not trust her to be anywhere near Jas, EVER again. I still remembered how broken my brother was during his stay at the center. I still remembered the many years it took for him to get back where he was today. Plus, Jas was just getting back on his feet again from the illness that almost took him away from us in December.

"Emm... Edward..step aside…"

I ignored the thinly veiled warning in his voice, my instinct to protect him from this bitch having a stronger hold on me.

"Listen to your brother boys.. or is he still the little kid who ran to daddy those years ago…" She laughed snarkily, a laugh that turned into a scared whimper when I stepped right into her space a second later, my towering height hulking over her frame.

"Just give me one measly excuse so I can wipe that ugly smile from your face witch..." I growled lowly.

"Emmett…Step. Away. From. Her."

I flashed a glare at Jas now. Did he just defend this woman?

"I mean it." He growled, pulling his hand away from Edward's grip. The dead calm awashed on his face belied the murderous gleam in his eyes now.

I glared back at Maria when she dared to snort at me, maybe she thought Jasper was going to run to her once more.

Taking a controlled breath in, I exhaled slowly, stepping aside finally while Jasper took a step forward and met Maria's now smug face.

"Hello Maria."

"Well hey there stranger...missed me?" She purred, her disgusting fingers reaching up to finger Jasper's chest instantly. I wanted to take those hands and chop them to pieces, remembering again just what they did to Jasper's body 6 years ago. If Jasper felt repulsed by her touch which I assumed he was, he did not show it.

"My, you've grown even taller and more handsome since I last saw you…even if a little thin and pale…self tanning lotions could do wonders on you, you know?"

_What the fuck was this bitch on about!_

This woman was beyond shameless. To carry on purring and flirting with Jasper like this, in front of us on top of it, as if we didn't know of the sick things she had inflicted on him all those months years ago.

The storm in Jasper's eyes reappeared, just waiting for the merest trigger before it would unleash. Then just as quickly it disappeared again, but the dead calm mask was back on his face. Then gripping Maria's wrists with his hands, he pulled her groping hands off of him tightly.

And then he asked her the oddest question there was. I was expecting some bitch slapping retort and he wanted to trade updates? I wanted to slap him upside.

"How's your mother and sister?"

_What the hell?!_

I was about to pull my brother aside and teach him a thing or two about making scathing comebacks. Apparently the seizures and brain op had taken away his ability for witty remarks. But then I saw her reaction. The color drained from Devil Spawn's face so fast, I almost thought she'd faint right there in front of him. I was secretly hoping she would. She didn't look so smug anymore, rather she looked like she was going to cry instead.

"You know something Maria? You might have hurt me 6 years ago, but the reality is you've been hurting all your life and it looks like you're still not past that. I might have been young and naïve then, but there are some truths even you can't run from. I loved you enough… to want to help you see that you deserve to be loved? My mistake was thinking that I was capable of helping you overcome your issues. I feel sorry for you that you justify abusing others for your pain instead of facing it. It only alienates you further from the thing you're desperately seeking for and that makes you one very, very lonely girl."

I watched with interest as she tried to form some hissy retort to Jasper's statement but her mouth merely puckered and pursed soundlessly and I was just as shocked as Edward when her eyes suddenly glistened with tears. Evidently Jasper had punched her right where it hurt the most. I held my snort. I guess he hadn't lost it.

"One more thing, I hope we never cross paths again because next time, I won't hold them back."

"Let's go guys." He muttered softly and started walking away. Edward and I ambled after Jasper quietly, leaving a now shell shocked, slightly trembling, teary form of the Devil Spawn behind.

"Wow Jas, way to go with handling Devil Spawn there…" I slapped his shoulder cheerfully when we were a distance away. I instantly regretted it when I saw the storm still clouding his eyes.

"Hey you okay?" Edward asked concernedly, stopping him for a moment.

"Hmmm..yeah... just..didn't expect to see her again.."

We left it at that, knowing well enough if he wasn't ready to speak about it, he wouldn't.

"You ready to get your ass whopped by mom, Rosie, Bella and your fiancée?" I changed subject instead and clapped his shoulder again, grinning.

"You mean after they whoop your asses for letting me leave the house in the first place?"

He quirked an eyebrow at us, grinning confidently. Whatever bad feelings that might have cropped up from the meeting with Maria, they were gone from his face.

"Jasper!!? What are you doing here?!" Mom's alarmed voice greeted us the same instant that I felt the girls' deathly glares aimed directly at Edward and me.

I groaned loudly. We were so gonna have our asses whooped.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are cherished!


	6. Hale Special: Brother & Sister

Disclaimer pertaining to SM's original characters applies here. The tripod is mine though..haha.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed and put this a favorite. I was thinking of writing a short piece for the Jasper's reunion with his biological parents but then it got out of hand, primarily because I suddenly thought Rosalie and Jasper should have a nice chapter of just the two of them bonding. So here is part one of the Hale reunion special. Let me know what you think of Rosalie.

* * *

**Hale Special: Brother & Sister**

_**JPOV**_

We were by the pool talking, just Rosie and I. Bella and Alice had gone out with mom to get some groceries and stretch their eyes and legs a bit. Emmett and Edward were inside – stuck in what I could only presume, another heated round of Halo or whatever game it was they were playing. Judging from the shouts coming from Edward – he was thumping the big man. I chuckled lightly as I continued to listen to Rosie chatter about her work. I didn't know how the topic changed, but soon we were talking about my and Alice's plans after my year of restriction at home ended. The possibility of a relapse, while it continued to loom at the back of everyone's mind, wasn't factored into the equation. I didn't know what everyone else's reasons were, but I simply didn't want to waste my time worrying about something that was beyond my power. If it happened, it happened. I would deal with it then.

It had been a little over three months since my last hospitalization. I could put that experience down to one word – nightmare. A one month long nightmare that no one, not even Dr R could have anticipated. It could have been because I'd been doing so well since my transplant, and I was in fact getting treatment to control the virus. They thought it was a cold bug initially, but so many hours later – I was rushed to the ICU with CMV meningitis. The initial therapy didn't work, and the inflammation eventually spread to my actual brain. The pain was beyond excruciating – it was as though I was perpetually being tortured with a device clasped tightly around my skull, while my brain matter was desperately trying to squeeze out against the constriction. My condition worsened after the first seizure and I lapsed into semi coma. Just when we all thought that I was on the mend – I had another attack, this time caused by a hemorrhage in my brain, blood vessels weakened from the initial inflammation. I had to undergo emergency surgery for that.

I couldn't say for sure I understood the horror I must have put my family through in the duration. But gauging from the looks on their faces when I woke up, and the way they treated me the first few weeks afterward – it must have been total hell.

3 months later, I was still recovering from the side effects of the disease and its landslide of complications. Weakness on my left limbs, lingering headaches that bordered between mild and killer ones; blank pockets in my memory. Things could have been much worse though – paralysis, mental retardation, a vegetable – I was lucky to have escaped with relatively minor issues.

Everyone's been nothing but 1st class in helping me go through these latest hurdles to my total recovery. More reason for me to be grateful and I was.

_Although…sometimes, I just wish they would lay off the coddling a bit. Just a bit._

I cleared my head.

Complications and recovery aside, having proposed to Alice within the first weeks after waking up, and with our wedding happening in two months time – Sunshine and I had been having a lot of discussions regarding our future together; specifically where we were going to start our own little life and family after my year at home ended.

"So..have you and Alice decided where to go after your year is up?" She, my recently reunited sibling by blood, asked casually as we sat languidly by the pool; her long legs soaking in the water, mine pulled against my chest, my arms wrapped about them as I rested my chin on my knees. While I contemplated my answer, I felt her nimble fingers reaching for my head, pads brushing against my scalp, massaging me gently. I couldn't suppress the contented sigh from escaping my lips and flashed her a quick smile for the indulgence she was giving me.

"Nice?" She asked, inching a little closer to me so she could press her fingers a little firmer against my skin. I hummed in response as her movements soothed the itch on my scalp away. I was finally growing my hair again, now that it was looking healthier than the wiry patches in the initial two months after my chemo ended. But the short buzz cut and mild skin GVHD that appeared made my scalp annoyingly itchy to the point of driving me mad at times. Again, this was just one of the occasions where I was reminded of just how lucky I was to have such an excellent support system. Now every time somebody sat with me, a head massage was almost a given. I couldn't complain, it was therapeutic, even more so when the killer headaches made their appearances.

"We've been going back and forth on that for days now. New York seems to be the obvious choice. I still have my studies to continue, and Alice could easily get her career restarted again there…that's my opinion about it though – but hers? I'm …..I'm not really sure what to think of Alice's main reason for liking New York..." I chuckled softly at the memory of our talk.

"Let me guess? Shopping?" Rosie prompted, quirking a knowing eyebrow. I nodded before we both laughed .

"Alice and shopping…I like shopping, but Alice takes it to a whole new level! You should be lucky you're well heeled brother of mine, your future wife has a rather expensive hobby!" she prattled. I groaned.

"Yeah! Tell me about it. I guess becoming a high school teacher is out of the question…"

"You want to be a teacher?" Surprise marred her features mildly before she added, "Seriously, I would never have pegged you as a teacher candidate Jas.."

"So you don't think I qualify?" I asked in mock offense. She shook her head.

"Oh no…that's not what I mean. You've the brains for it, but you're too handsome… too tempting for high school teacher material…imagine the scandals! No... I don't think high school will be safe enough a workplace for you Jas.." She intoned, laughing at me.

"Ohh very funny Rose…very funny." I huffed, then carried on to explain. "Nah, it was just one of the options I was considering back then…Honestly, I'd love to do something with writing – literally or work at a publishing house like an editor or something. That or pursue photography again. Alice seems convinced my future lies there…"

Her face lit up.

"Now that's something to consider. From what I've seen, I can't disagree with her... You've got talents there, you know this right? You've got an eye for it – trust me, with the work that I do, I've had my share of photographers as well. That said though, I think whatever you put your mind into, I have no doubt you'll be a success.."

"Aww Rose.. are you kissing my ass for a reason here?" I teased, raising my eyebrow suspiciously.

"What? Can't handle your big sister complimenting you is it?" She retorted smugly."You should be lucky Jas that I'm not giving you a hard time – after all that's what siblings are supposed to do…" Mirth danced in the blue orbs that I knew almost matched mine.

"Oh I can handle the compliments Rose..its' the motives I'm not sure of…" I smirked in return. The banter went back and forth between us seamlessly.

I thought I had Rosalie figured out fairly easy after the first 6 months of getting to know her. She was the dragon lady who ruled the roost that was Emmett's and her relationship – tough, highly independent, knew she was absolutely gorgeous and had no qualms about using it to her advantage, easily ticked off, did I mention dragon? But every now and then, she'd surprise you with her other side – the maternal, gentle, caring protective side of hers that was rarely on show to the public; rather choosing to only come out at private moments like the one we were currently having.

Sitting beside her now, feeling her care and love and natural protectiveness flowing through her fingers into me; I realized yet again how happy I was with the fact that we turned out to be siblings after all and that she was my _big sister_. I wouldn't trade my life as a Cullen for anything; but knowing I had family somewhere still, knowing I wasn't alone in this world, and that I had a sister who shared my DNA – that sense of belonging different to the sense of home I felt with my brothers and parents; comforted me much. The plus of it was, her affection for me was just as strong as my brothers' were.

"Yoo hoo…" Rosie's calling pulled me back from my inner reflection. My mind had gone off wandering again.

"Sorry…got distracted by something else there for a minute…," I started, earning another smile from my sister.

"Tsk tsk tsk.." She clucked.

"I swear Jas… sometimes you channel Alice too much, I'm not sure if that's at all healthy!" She remarked playfully, veering me off the topic again. I did tend to wander off sometimes. Something my sunshine did, only hers was more pronounced, it trickled to her actual conversations a lot. I felt my neck warm embarrassedly at being caught.

"Oh God you're blushing! Wonder what'll happen if I mention something about sex," She trilled. I was reminded instantly of a conversation I'd had with Alice on her birthday last year, when she told me that Rosie had in fact offered to get sex toys for her.

_Great. _The hot flush on my cheeks now was only going to fuel her even more.

"Stop teasing me Rosie…" I whined in response.

"Can't help it sweetie – I'm making up for all those years I couldn't make fun of my baby brother.."

"Rossiiiie…." I warned.

"Benjiiiii…" she sing songed and leaned sideways away from me. She was in a very playful mood today, yet another facet of hers that people rarely saw. I grinned at the mischief reflected in her eyes. My heart was warmed over by our playful banter. I couldn't help but wonder exactly how close our relationship was then and what it might have been had I not been taken. I thought of the strange spark we shared whenever we were in close contact with each other. I was used to it now, that I hardly noticed anymore, but if I paid attention – like I was now, I'd feel it, buzzing between us. A thought appeared in my conscious mind suddenly and I was awashed with a sense of tender nostalgia.

_I'm having a brother sister moment with my sister again. The two of us playing and laughing in the sandbox._

"I love you Rosie." The words flowed out effortlessly.

Her teasing stopped. I thought I heard her breath hitch a little. She turned her face to me again and I found glistening eyes looking at me.

"I love you too Benji."

"I'm so glad I found you back..." She croaked emotionally. Pushing my own heavy feeling inside of me, I pulled her close and kissed her temple lightly, feeling her breath hitch once more. She was crying. I hadn't intended to make her cry.

"Now..now…don't start with the tears again…Emmett'll kill me.." I implored, rubbing her back in circular motion gently.

"Besides, I'm _the Princess_ here remember?" I added, recalling Emmett's current favorite jibe at me.

"You're such a twerp…" She huffed, snorting back tears.

"Only the best sis.." I answered, chuckling.

She laughed finally, and pulling away from me, wiped at the few tears remaining on her cheeks.

"Okay..okay.. tell me..so New York?"

"Yeah.. I think New York it is. Depending on my first year assessment, obviously. But to be honest, I know Alice would rather I stay close to the center and I don't have to ask mom and dad what they think..I know they agree with Alice.. and that means Seattle.. " I sighed and scratched my head. This was the stalemate I had with Alice. Even though she was drawn to New York, her concern for my health made her want for us to stay close to home. I understood her worry, and while they were valid – I didn't like them. Rose seemed to understand my hesitance about the issue.

"You feel that if you stayed here or in Seattle – you'll always have that fear looming above your head? Holding you back maybe?" She said, reaching out to touch my forearm tentatively.

"Something like that. I just don't want to live my life flying half mast, being afraid you know? I'd like to know that after all of the shit I've put everyone through, there's something worthwhile to be had from this."

I felt her squeeze my hand even more but she remained quiet, her gaze still focused on me.

"Can I share something with you that doesn't, might not make sense?" I asked, letting a tiny puff of breath out. Aside from Alice, I had never shared with anyone else my experience being stuck in that comatose sleep late last year. Probably because it was a sore point, and with the blank pockets in my memory still, I suppose the assumption was I couldn't have remembered much. Not the pain, not the dreams, or the experience of being cut off from everyone. They couldn't have been more wrong about it,.

"Tell me," she prompted.

"I know I didn't remember a lot the last time I was in coma, but it was different in this last one. As much as you guys went through with everything, I was there as well, only I was alone on the other side. Anyway…I remembered this one time where I must have dreamt somehow, it felt like a dream – I was on a beach somewhere. Paradise literally. And when I was there – I was healthy. I was exactly how I looked before cancer got to me.."

I saw her forehead crease uncomfortably at my word, felt her fingers digging slightly deeper into my skin.

"Sometimes.. . I still dream about it, about being there. The feeling I felt being there. I remembered I was happy and I felt relieved."

"Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is, when I had that dream, it was like I'd arrived at a crossroad in my life. Like God or the Universe was finally giving me a choice. I could either escape this disease and its accompanying pain and fears and in that sense end everyone's troubles as well. Or..I could continue trudging on through this and face whatever obstacle that might come along the way. Truth was – at the time, and seeing myself whole like that again, I'd gotten really tired of it all."

I stopped momentarily if only to wipe the silent tear escaping her lashes. Recalling the dream and my feelings then, sent a wave of melancholy in my own chest, the reality of my ongoing battle over this disease weighing heavily on me for a brief moment.

"It was really tempting to just want to stay there and not look back."

Rosie's face creased even more.

"But if I did that, I'd have given up all the little victories that I've fought for, tooth and nail all those months. Not only the fight to regain control of my body and health again, but also the intangible victories – the strength, perseverance, courage, the love I've gained through my own and from everyone. I'd have to give up all the effort and sacrifices everyone has made for me."

"I just couldn't. And I'm glad I didn't. As wonderful and tempting as it was to be the old Jasper again – I realized that I am actually more whole now than I ever was before cancer hit me. Feels like I've been given this chance to live my life differently, as it should be. Really live life instead of simply passing through it like a tourist. I know the difference now, and I want to honor that, you know?"

She nodded her head quietly in response. I carried on.

"I know we don't like to talk about it, and I admit - there are days when I find myself struggling to be positive with everything still or worrying about if this is the morning I'll find a new bruise on my skin. I know it's always going to be a struggle, and I know everyone's just trying to be helpful and I appreciate it. But in the same breath, staying here isn't going to keep me safe from a relapse or some other new complication. It's always going to shadow me Rosie. I can't always be brave, but I don't want to hide from it either. I don't want this fear to dictate how I'm going to live my life. I'm not going to be afraid anymore."

Her arms reached around me wordlessly and pulled me into a tight embrace again. I could feel safety, love pouring out from her being into the hug, into me.

"Then you must do what you feel is best Jas. I'm sure if you tell Alice and Esme and Carlisle about what you want, they'll understand. You just need to talk to them…okay?" I nodded in return, too content to remove myself from the hug.

"For what it's worth Jas, I'm proud of you. I'm so proud to be your sister. You've been through a lot, and yet look at you, listen to yourself – you've come out of this ordeal braver, stronger, wiser. When we first met – I remembered seeing fear in your eyes. I think you were trying to be so brave for everyone, but it was so obvious to see the fear in your eyes. And now... now you're nothing like that. I'm awed by your strength, you know that?"

She eventually let me go, even as I blushed again at her compliment.

"Thanks Rose…" I responded, my lips curling into a tiny smile despite her emotion laden response.

"When I grow up someday, I want to be just like you…"

That made me laugh. I had to tease her back.

"That's funny… I thought… you're the older sibling here... Shouldn't I be the one emulating you?"

I readied myself to run as Rosie's eyes grew exceptionally larger and she stared at me. "Jasper…are you…are you calling me old?!!" She retorted, her normally alto voice raised an octave higher.

"Maaybee…" I started, pulling backwards away from her.

"Why..you….."

I chortled out loud even as I took off from our position by the pool and ran about the backyard, trying to escape my sister's clutches. After a few rounds around the pool and garden, my still recovering body got the better of me and I had to raise the white flag.

"Uncle…Uncle.." I pleaded, gasping to catch my breath and laughing at the same time. I cried out a mock 'Ow' when she hit my shoulder with her fist.

"You're soo lucky you're not 100% yet, otherwise… I wouldn't be as merciful…." She remarked, chuckling with me as her hand started rubbing my back to ease the gasping fit I'd put myself into for running in the first place.

It occurred to me then that this was the first time, since we first met in March, that Rosie and I had engaged in a game of play that we probably would have done a lot of if I had grown up with her. That simple realization clutched at my heart something fierce.

Alice and I had in fact been discussing a lot of things with regards to our future. The other thing that we've talked a lot of was about me meeting my biological parents. While my wishes back then was to wait until I was at least a year in the clear from Leukemia, with our wedding approaching, I couldn't help wonder if I didn't actually want my biological parents to be present on our special day. They deserved that at least for bringing me out into the world. The more I pondered about it, the more I wanted for it to happen. We wanted them to be involved in the new life we were making for ourselves.

"_Angel...whatever you decide, you know I support you fully," _Alice had said to me, unconditionally.

I was as ready as I could ever be. There was no point in delaying the inevitable.

"Jas? Honey you okay? Jas?" I was pulled out of my reverie by Rosie's anxious fussing suddenly. Her hand was on my shoulder shaking me ever so slightly, and I caught the familiar look of worry marring her beautiful features again.

Shaking my head to pacify her, I took a deep breath and ….jumped.

"Rose..I think I'm ready."

************

_**Rosalie POV**_

Whatever thought process I had, whatever movement my limbs, my body parts were going through or my mind was in the process of executing instructions for – they stopped. The second the words hit my ears and the millisecond it took to register the gravity of their meaning in my head – time, it seemed to me stopped. I felt as if I was suddenly suspended in a time bubble – I could see everything around me moving, buzzing away still, whizzing by in dizzying steps, as if spurred by some unknown invisible force, their whips lashing away at every animate thing.

It took me a few seconds more to hurtle myself out of that bubble and land back in real time, Jasper now looking at me with concern.

Funny, seconds ago, I was the one fussing over him.

I was overcome by the genuine concern clouding over his warm blue eyes.

_Benji, my baby brother. _

"Are.. are you sure?" I had to ask. There was no need to confirm what it was that he was ready for, I knew what he meant by that. He wanted to meet our parents. _Jesus, Mary and Joseph_, he wanted to meet our parents!

The day I found the brooch and then selfishly pressured him to accept the suspicion that had clicked in my head, I'd dreamed of this day. I was ashamed of my behavior then – practically bullied Jasper to accept my ideas until he collapsed. I guess the sudden recollection of my having a brother; the guilt of losing him that fine day at the park overrode my rational mind. It took a verbal lashing from Emmett to make me realize that pushing him wasn't going to make it any real anytime soon. But I was still selfish – despite his wishes; despite the fact that it would not be confirmed for some time, I had in my mind embraced Jasper as Benji from that day. Our whole dynamic changed. If he was uneasy about it, he never said a word and on my part, I quietly kept my candle burning, hoping for the day he'd give me the go ahead to pursue the matter to come sooner than later.

And then when the day I'd find out if my suspicion was true had unexpectedly arrived, I went about it totally the wrong way. Freaked out was putting it succinctly. Thinking back about it, I guess that's what they say about getting way ahead of oneself before its time. The moment Carlisle mentioned that he'd done the DNA testing for us and had the result, instead of being excited about it, I got scared. Only because I had already fallen in love with the idea of Jasper as Benji and that idea, no matter how stilted it was could be dashed away in the next moment.

'_Rosie… I am ..Benjamin.' _ I was so out of my mind he'd had to say it to me twice. I cried. I felt redeemed. I found the brother I'd lost for a fucking sweet. It was the happiest day of my life yet.

_And now, now he wants to meet our parents! _

To hear him say those words to me now… they sounded almost like church bells clanging – bringing message of joy and peace…to the world.

Okay that was just corny…

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed, finally giving the response his statement deserved. We almost ended in the pool when my body collided with his, the ferocity of my hug driving the air out of his body that he hissed in response.

"I'm sorry…I didn't hurt you did I?" I asked, checking his face for signs of pain instantly. He grimaced slightly, but seemed okay.

"Way to bruise your still recovering brother Rosie… or did you want to lose me again?" He joked.

"That is sooo not funny Jasper! Please..you wound me.." I retorted, slightly hurt by his teasing.

"Ohhh I'm sorry…it was a bad joke…I take it back," he hushed, squeezing my side placatingly. I relented after a second, leaning to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you Jas… it means a lot," I muttered, flashing a sincere smile at him now. I was a little surprised when his face looked lost suddenly.

"What's wrong? You're not regretting wanting this are you?" I queried, worry tingeing my voice.

"No.. not that. I'm just… okay.. I don't actually know how to handle this...here I am telling you I'm ready, but I'm gonna be honest with you – I have no idea what the next steps are going to be..how this is going to happen, how we are going to tell them, where we're going to meet…"

"I'm not going to lie ... The idea of this even happening, it's overwhelming…" He muttered with just a touch of distress in his voice.

I threw Jas a pacifying smile. He'd taken a huge step forward towards our family reunion simply by telling me he was ready to meet our parents. He had a lot to deal with in regards to his recovery process still and by his own admission not an hour ago – was still struggling sometimes; I had no intention of adding more stress to his life right now.

"Jas.. don't worry about it, I'll deal with the details, keeping you in the loop all the time of course. You just need to give me the okay for the day. Seeing as you can't really fly yet, we'll have to fly them here for the meeting to take place.. You're… you're okay with that right?" I asked peering into his eyes, watching yet again for any sign of hesitation or regret in them. I was relieved to find none but anxiety swimming in them.

"Yeah… I'm okay with that ..although I'd have to talk to mom and dad as well..I'm sure they won't mind…I think..I hope.. arrgh.."

I had to chuckle. He sounded so much like Emmett right then. It was too cute. Yet another evidence that they were, in every sense of the word, DNA aside – brothers.

"Jas.. relax..don't stress yourself about this please?" I pleaded. The anxiety on his face was still evident.

"Jasper... I'll handle everything okay? Trust me? The worst thing you can do is stress about this unnecessarily and fall sick as a result. You just keep on focusing on getting your health back, baby brother…"

He frowned. Probably at my 'nagging' tone.

"Okay???" I pressed a finger into his chest lightly, waiting for his nod or acquiescence.

"Okay… Okay, I can't promise I won't…but I'll try.." He answered wearily finally. But not before a tiny grateful smile appeared on his face. It was enough to placate me.

"You had better be… I'll be watching you baby brother.." I nattered teasingly again.

He scoffed this time.

"Oookay sister… let's get something straight here…this… this calling me baby at every other sentence…that shit, I don't care how cute you think that is… it's gotta stop. I'm 23…" He remarked, a petulant pout on his face. I tried to keep my face straight. It wouldn't surprise me if he started stomping his foot suddenly.

"And I'm 25 this year… I'm still older than you..eh eh eh..NOT OLD, just ol-DER, so technically there's nothing wrong with that statement…so stop whining…BABY…" I clucked smugly. He rolled his eyes at me but suddenly shivered involuntarily when a light gust of wind blew at us. The frown on my face was instant - worrying over Jasper had become a reflex reaction. I held myself closer his body instantly, my hand by now rubbing the gooseflesh on his arm briskly. Without asking, I was already veering us towards the direction of the house – already planning to ask Emmett to go and grab a jersey for him.

Sometimes, in our well intended love and concern for him, we forgot that Jasper was 23 and not 5. I blamed his last brush with death in December.

"Rosie..I'm fine..stop.." Jasper voiced, his words clipped and tinged with irritation.

It was no secret that he hated the fact that we mollycoddled him. Too much.

To a degree, I understood; I wouldn't have enjoyed being handled like a fragile flower myself. Were I in his place, I'd have probably burned some relationship bridges after the first month. We've all had to practice some form of self restraint so we didn't end up overwhelming and stressing him even further; some of us more than others obviously (that some being Carlisle). Poor Jasper, the first month after he woke up – Carlisle's babying nearly drove him to jump out of the window of his 6th floor room. But to be fair, could anyone blame us really, or Carlisle for that matter? The one month or so that he was in hospital with brain inflammation, we'd all been to hell. Just when we thought he was improving, wham – another complication hit him. I'd personally witnessed Jasper in both seizure attacks and the memory of it – the way his body went stiff, the uncontrollable shaking, the way his eyes rolled back into his whites the first time – still made me feel sick with pain. And when Emmett told me he'd suffered a brain hemorrhage that morning after the second seizure, I didn't even know if he had it in him to fight anymore… or if I had in me to keep hoping that he would survive the operation, or worse - more complications following the procedure.

Before I knew what was happening, I was blinking back tears again. Every time I revisited that place, the hopeless feeling I had felt then would never fail to drown me.

"Sorry…I'm just.. you know…" I mumbled unintelligibly; not really wanting to start talking about his near death stint in December again. I heard him sigh. I didn't miss the guilt feeling there.

"That's okay… I shouldn't have let it get to me either……"

"Rose.. I'm sorry for putting you through that nightmare.." He mumbled ruefully, rubbing circles on my forearm. It was my turn to feel guilty. It was enough that he was still struggling sometimes to recover, us feeding his own guilt for putting us through so much emotional pain last year wasn't helping. Especially when it wasn't any fault of his.

_Today is a happy day!_ The thought flickered like a neon sign in my head.

"The important thing is, you're standing here and you're getting better... right?" I said now, willing myself to feel happy. I was glad when he accepted my peace offering and smiled back in return. For the umpteenth time it seemed today, I hugged my baby brother tightly again.

"Come on.. let's go in… I'm getting hungry," He murmured a second later, lightness returning to his voice.

"You making lunch?"

"Geez… what kind of P_rincess_ am I if I have to make my own food? " He asked incredulously before giving me a wink. "But I bet Eddie will never say no if I ask him to make his famous sarmie.."

I could only shake my head in amusement as we trundled back into the house, my arm linked through his, Jasper calling out Edward's name and sarmie before we were even at the door.

* * *

A/N: I enjoyed writing Rosie's maternal and playful side here. What did you guys think?


	7. Hale Special: The Reunion

Disclaimer: SM's original characters are hers, I'm borrowing them indefinitely. Catherine and William are mine though.

A/N: Hey hey... So here is the much awaited reunion outtake. It's told in both Jasper & Rosalie's POV. I think that's only fair that we see through both of them. This has been quite the chapter to write, as you can see I got carried away again..... I hope you guys enjoy it.

* * *

**Hale Special: The Reunion**

_**JPOV**_

Emmett and Rosalie flew back to Texas on Monday.

After our conversation by the pool, we had discussed the matter further with my brothers' inputs that very afternoon; and later that night Alice as well. She was cautiously ecstatic that I had decided to take the step forward finally.

"Angel, you're going to be okay with this right? This isn't going to make you have sleepless nights is it?" She looked at me with genuine concern.

I smiled weakly. _That _was going to be easier said than done. I was already anxious to begin with.

"Jazzy…" She started worriedly. We'd all been through that long lecture by dad and Dr R about stress and how it could easily setback my still 'baby' immune system. Even now, I was barely at 40% of what a normal adult immune system should be. It would take some time for it to get back to where it was.

"I won't babe.. it'll be fine…" I said regardless, hoping my voice would be convincing enough to placate her concern for now.

_I just had to keep distracting myself from thinking about the goddamn meeting every 30 seconds. Piece of cake. I hope._

Rosalie had promised me she'd let me know in advance before breaking the news to her ….errr…_our _parents_._ On Tuesday afternoon, gripped with a maddening burst of anxiety I rang Rose to ask if she'd made any plans yet.

"Jas…what did I tell you about stressing?" She started nagging instantly. Alice parroting her behind me wasn't helping matters. I fought the urge to hit the receiver against the edge of the desk repeatedly. Really, I was stressing just fine by myself, I didn't need the extra help.

_Give it a rest already! I can take care of myself!_

"Yeah.. Okay okay… there – I'm not stressed anymore." I huffed, cutting her mothering short. "Have you made plans yet?"

"Jeez… will you back up there a little Miss Impatient…" She scoffed over the phone. If I was on a yellow level of stress before this call, I was on orange now. I swear the people who supposedly know what's best for you are the greatest threat to your sanity, and in my case – _stress_ level. As she carried out yammering like a mother hen over the phone, totally oblivious of me, I couldn't help but wonder if I maybe made a mistake in admitting she was my sister.

_Focus on the air flowing through your nose and into your lungs…breathe calm in…._

I tried to practice the breathing instruction we'd learn from Alice's Yoga DVD series to pass time instead, smiling to myself when I felt my irritation easing despite the continuous clucking in my ear. We'd been doing yoga as part of my PT program at home, and while I would never be caught dead in half of the poses we did if Emmett or Edward were ever around, Alice was right about it helping with my recovery – both physical and emotional. While PT sometimes left me emotionally worked up, mostly due to the fact that I had a barking pain loving bitch (but a good one nonetheless) for a therapist, a yoga session with Alice usually left me calm and peaceful. It helped a _hell lot_ that my yoga partner looked unbelievably hot even in sweaty gears. _Who was I kidding? Even more so in sweaty gears!_ Boyshorts were nothing to seeing her in her yoga pants – especially with all that inappropriate bending....

_Wonder if I could make my baby do some of her moves in bed one night, would make for some very interesting *gulp* positions…..hmmmmm… _

_Jesus Jasper… Mind out of the gutter, Now!_

I nearly chuckled out loud at my inner monologue, the same time Rosie was alerted by the fact that I had probably tuned her out.

"Uh..what? Yeah….course I heard you Rosalie..yeah..yeah.. you're right sis..thank you..uhmmm" I had no idea what she'd been saying the last 10 minutes.

'_When in doubt, say yes, thank you, agree. Remember always agree.' _Rosalie 101 – I learned that vital lesson from puppy numero uno himself. Thank God for Emmett; at least I had some guide of sorts on how to handle my relationship with Rosalie 'Dragon' Hale. She was sweet, and then there was the other part …that couldn't be mentioned. I had had a taste of that already and kissed the floor as a result.

"We're having them over for dinner on Friday night. I plan to break the news then and depending on how well they take it, we'll fly up on the next weekend. Would you be okay with that?" She asked.

I gulped. As much as I hated the fact that my feelings were see sawing between excited and anxious all the time, I couldn't help it. I felt Alice's soothing hand immediately on my back, reminding me to take a breath again. She was a lifesaver.

"Yeah…I guess I am… I'll speak to mom and dad tonight too, will you let me know how.. how their reactions are after ..well when it's all done?" I mumbled.

"Of course…" I heard the smile in her voice.

We talked for a while more before I ended the call. The countdown had begun.

That evening, after supper I gathered my wits and spoke to mom and dad about it. Dived right to it, no sense in beating around the bush. While I knew both of them would only support my decision in the end, I wasn't too sure how they'd take the news of the reunion happening so soon; and in their home for that matter. Had I another choice, I would have taken it – but this was the best one considering my limitations still.

I was worried about mom.

When she found out about the news that I was in fact Benjamin, she hadn't been just happy for me or Rosie. In fact, she had seemed a little sad, maybe even slighted by it. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why, I could understand – I'd been hers for 18 years and now suddenly there was another woman with rightful claim to the title of my "mom". It would be like having Alice to myself forever only to wake up one day and see her in someone else's arms. I shuddered internally at the thought. I hoped _THAT _would never happen, _EVER._

"Are you sure about this?"

Dad was the first to recover. Concern reflected all over his eyes. Perhaps he was worried I might repeat my performance like the time he told me about the DNA test result.

I nodded my head.

"I'm…" He paused and gave mom a quick glance before correcting himself. "We're happy for you, obviously, I'm just… I just want to be really sure that this is what you really want and you are ready for it?"

I nodded again, quietly pushing the anxiety of the impending unknown down before it could threaten to overwhelm me, or alert dad.

"I know I'm contradicting my own wishes from previously…but with all that's happened… it doesn't make sense to wait any longer; I'm ready as I'll ever be – now, 2 years from now. The fact isn't going to change – my biological parents are alive. I'm getting married soon dad, Alice and I are making a new life together – I need to reconcile with my past first for any hope of embracing our future on a positive step."

I was pleasantly surprised when dad leaned forward and gave me a quick hug, patting my back as he did so. When he pulled away, his face was all aglow with pride. I nudged my chin curiously at him.

He shook his head then said almost wistfully, "You're all grown up now my boy..." before wiping fake tears from his cheeks. The grin on my face widened. _Such a sentimental man – my dad. _

Mom had remained exceptionally quiet in our conversation so far and it was only a matter of time before we both turned our attention to her.

"Mom?" I tried peering into her face, wanting to know how she was feeling about all of this, but she was hidden from me. Her eyes remained for a time on her tightly gathered hands on her lap. I knew that stance only too well – she was unhappy about something. I looked at dad flummoxed, at a loss at how to handle mom's silence.

"Esme…Jasper's talking to you…" Dad started, touching her arm tentatively. I was dumbfounded when her shoulders started shaking and she sniffed. _She was crying? Oh shit._

"Mom?"

"I'm sorry...." She started only to break into a sob.

I was on my knees in front of her in a flash; pulling her into a firm embrace all at once; pouring my love and reassurance into the hug, if it was even possible. It was funny how easily upset I could get when it came to mom - like how it upset me now that I was hurting her, no matter how unintentional it was. After a minute or two, mom seemed to collect herself, found her voice. As usual, apologies flew out of her mouth first, before she started explaining herself. If Edward and I were gluttons for self guilt, it certainly wasn't hereditary. We'd learned it from her and dad.

"I…I'm such a selfish person… I should be happy for you baby..… but …I can't help but…be sad because I feel like I'm going to lose you somehow..." Her voice wobbled with emotion as she spelled her fear out. Her usual weapon of choice – those beautiful brown eyes that I had never been able to say no to; shimmered with tears.

I shrugged with bittersweet resignation. From the beginning, some part of me had always known that this reunion, when it happened; would cause pain and hurt to the people I cared about no matter what the outcome would be. The shitty part of it was that there was no avoiding it, the best I could do about it was try and minimize the effect.

"Mom…you're being silly. How are you going to lose me? I'm not going anywhere… I'm not going to stop being your son just because of Rose's parents…"

"You mean _your _parents…" She corrected. I didn't miss the barbed tone in her voice.

"Okay… my _birth_ parents…." I conceded, rolling my head in return. I pulled her flush to me again. Mumbling apologies because I didn't know what else to say. When she pulled away from me a second time, she looked embarrassed.

"I'm sorry sweetheart…I guess your mother isn't quite above jealousy." She muttered, upset.

"Oh mom, please…you have nothing to be sorry about. If I had thought this would be easy, I'd have done it the day I found out. If anyone is sorry, it's me. I'm the one with the complicated life story - makes me wonder if I'm not actually stuck in some daytime soap reality. God... that's not even funny…" I groaned at the thought, raking my head instantly.

_That's just wonderful, my life is a soap drama._

"It's not that bad Jas.. not ..quite General Hospital yet.." Dad placated, smirking slightly at me. I felt my brows rise slightly at his mentioning of General Hospital – _he watched the show?_ _What other secrets was he harboring? _

Mom didn't budge. If I wanted any shot at all in nipping the insecurity cankering her psyche, I was going to have to do better than a stupid remark about my life being a soap – drama, that is.

"On the other hand…" I drawled, smiling mischievously at her, the gears in my head cranking to work simultaneously.

"It's totally understandable if you're jealous… it's no secret I am your golden child right? I mean…look at me, I look like an angel…who can resist this pretty package…." I added deadpan. This time, dad snorted loudly at me. I watched quietly as a tiny glimpse of a smile tugged hesitantly on her lips.

It was a start.

"But seriously mom, there is no reason for you to feel that way. You know why?"

She shrugged.

"As awesome as I am – I'm a whipped puppy. Your whipped puppy. I always make dad think that it's because of him that I came with you guys, but the truth is, the first time I saw you – I told my clever 4 year self that I had better look and act my damn best today if I wanted to get that woman's attention. You got me hook, line and sinker the moment you winked at me mom…"

She scoffed at my remark, but I could see mirth returning into those brown eyes. And yet, she was still refusing to relent to the charm that was Jasper Cullen. _We'll see._ I slapped on the honeyed statement real thick this time.

"Remember what I told you on your birthday? How mom's are every boy's first love? That wasn't a joke. You are my first love mom. Before all the other women in my life, you're first. And you know something else, I compare Alice to you. I'm only with her because she reminds me so much of you. If someone should be jealous, it's me of dad…or.. or dad of me… or Alice of you…"

_Home run._

I bit my lip, trying to hide the smirk on my face even as I watch her go all doe eyed at me for a second before she broke into a laugh. Finally. I hugged her again, relieved to feel the tension all gone from her shoulders now. Behind her, dad mouthed a silent thank you to me.

"You silly boy…if you think that was charming my pants off, you're so wrong… where'd you learn that from? Your dad?" She quipped, snorting at me and then flashing a pointed look at dad.

"Oh shush woman… you know you love it….Right dad??" I chuckled, ducking away just in time when I caught her hand flying towards my head.

I felt slightly better now that mom didn't look like she'd eaten a whole piece of lemon. The conversation wasn't over yet though, especially when my chest was still begging to share the load it was carrying. When they settled down again, I took the cue.

"Seriously, I don't care what my blood says. So the Hale blood runs in me, so what? It doesn't change the fact that I was brought up under this house, went by your rules, suffered through your punishments and over the top parenting…"

Another snort from dad. I grinned, carried on.

"If that doesn't make me a Cullen through and through, then you two better have a good explanation as to why you put me through all that torture for nothing. I was always meant to be Cullen, just as much as Edward and Emmett are too."

I felt something tug inside me slightly even as more words slipped past my lips.

"As far as I'm concerned, you are my _real_ parents. And nothing, not a paternity test, not blood or a piece of paper from a judge will change my thoughts on that. You can't just chuck me out after 18 years... especially not after last year. I'm sorry, there's no getting out of this relationship... the two of you better just deal…"

I didn't finish.

I was engulfed in a tangle of arms. I could feel dampness spreading where their faces were plastered against my skin and shirt. It reminded me again of that evening last year after I'd told them I had cancer – they'd reached out for me then, hugged me, cried on me, with me even as I cried. I surrendered to the embrace completely. I had prayed for these two. And they came into my life, took me in, loved me as their own. They were and would always be _my real family. _I wouldn't change anything.

************

After that almost failed conversation with mom and dad on Tuesday night, I felt a little less anxious about the impending reunion and had a good sleep that night. I wished it had stayed that way though until the day arrived. By the time Friday came, the anxiety was back full throttle.

Be as it may – that I would always be a Cullen, I couldn't help but be curious about how the Hales – William and Catherine would react to the knowledge that their son, me – the one lost to them 20 odd years ago was in fact still alive. There were a lot of questions in my head begging to be answered. Some were obviously crap, others well within plausible grounds. I wanted to know how long they kept looking for me? When did they give up the search? Did they just assume I'd died then? I wanted to know why they erased my existence from their life the way Rosie said they did? Did they stop loving their son then? Did they do it because it was easier to just forget the 2 years that I had existed? Was I that expendable then?

I hated the fact that the blanket of security built from the years of being a Cullen – that blanket that told me that I was loved and cherished, and wanted and that I belonged; was now being tainted by doubts stemming from these very questions running in my head.

_Fuck. It's exactly because of these negative feelings__ surfacing that I didn't want to pursue the issue way back in the beginning._

Some of the other questions though were directed at myself. Would I remember them somehow if I saw them, if I felt their presence close? As far as I knew – I was about two when I was abducted. I knew from my records, and from my vague memory, I'd been at the orphanage for about a year before mom and dad adopted me. That meant that I couldn't have been with my abductors that long. For the life of me, I couldn't remember how my fake parents – my abductors looked liked, neither could I remember much about my time spent with them. All I knew was that there had been a car crash, they died and I was the only survivor. Was I even involved in the accident? Maybe that was why I couldn't remember – I might have suffered some sort of head injury? Or maybe, there were things of the past that were just too traumatic for a 2 year old to carry that my body's survival mechanism just kicked into gear and repressed everything. Who knew what kind of secrets was locked in the deep recesses of my mind? More worryingly – what would happen if they were somehow unleashed again after this reunion took place? Then what would happen to me?

And then, there were the 'other' questions – trivial ones, but pertinent nonetheless. In the off chance that we got on well with each other, what would I call them then? I couldn't very well call them _mom_ and _dad_ as well. Not only would it be too confusing, but just the thought of calling them that felt like a betrayal to mom and dad. How would I even address them when we met? I could just imagine Rosie happily introducing "mom" and "dad" to me – literally. God I prayed she'd have more tact on the day. Would they be offended if I chose to call them by their first names? Would that be rude of me?

_Fuck it. I'm getting a headache just thinking of all these relentless questions!_

One hand swept over my face to wipe the invisible sweat off my skin even as I fought to regain control of my mind again. Alice's face came into my view.

"Angel… you're doing that thing again… worrying…"

I was fortunate enough to have Alice pull me out of my ass just as the questions started overwhelming me. I threw her a grateful smile, thanking my lucky stars yet again that I had her in my life. Where would I be now if I didn't have her to balance me? To complete me? I might give David Kelly a run for his money with regards to intriguing and shocking drama plots, but regardless of the mess that was my life currently, I had a few good reasons to be thankful for it.

"Will you distract me then sunshine? Keep my mind off these stupid things before I run myself aground?" I pleaded shamelessly. Her face lit up like a mischievous gremlin instantly and I felt my own break into a wide grin at the same time.

"You look like you need a good stretching and a few breathing exercises baby.." She suggested, hinting the obvious.

"Why don't we do a bit of Yoga? You'd like that don't you?"

I had to admit, bonuses aside, I did really enjoy yoga. It was grounding as it was calming and it was challenging at the same time. The burning stretch I felt all over was well worth all the contortions and awkward poses we had to do.

"Only if you get into that sexy, tight white yoga pants I bought you…" I plied with a naughty smile.

"Ohhh.. you just want to ogle baby.." she teased, even as she pulled me up the stairs so we could go get changed.

"Well obviously… I need something to keep me going darling….those moves can seriously hurt my junk you know?" I contested. She trilled loudly then, eyes sparkling brightly. I thought of tinkling bells and fairy lights again. My heart lifted.

_What reunion again?_

************

_Texas, Friday Dinner_

_**Rosalie POV**_

After dinner, Emmett offered to clean up and promptly left me with mom and daddy. I took a deep breath. I'd been nervous all day for this conversation and I sure as hell was fucking shitting myself right this moment.

And how I wished they weren't smiling at me like that right now.

"Isn't Emmett going to join us honey?" Mom asked sweetly, as if fishing for something. I gave her a somewhat confused glance. Huh?

_Oh Hell no.. they weren't thinking of …Great…they think Emmett and I are wanting to get married?! Just fucking great! How the hell am I going to top that news now? Maybe I should get Emmett's ass in here… shit! Shit shit!_

I took a deep breath in and steadied myself.

"You know mom, as much as I am liking the fact that you're smiling at that thought… it's not that. Sorry. I think maybe we should go to the lounge… you're going to need to sit comfortably for what I'm about to tell you…"

_You should have phrased that better silly….._

I should have really phrased that better. Daddy stood up roughly, almost kicking the chair backwards and I was suddenly being lasered by a pair of angry looking eyes. "Rosalie Hale…." He hissed, jaws clenching so tight I thought it was going to pop.

_Oh for the love of God!!_

"Oh for Hale sakes… would you two relax… I'm not getting married and I'm definitely NOT pregnant daddy!" Moaning out loud even as daddy let out a relieved chuckle at his unfounded suspicion, I shooed all of us to the lounge annoyingly.

Looking at their faces as they waited for me to say something now, I couldn't help but feel a little bad for my parents, for what I was about to do to them. For 20 years they'd managed to live with this burden of having lost their son, it couldn't have been easy and I wouldn't even try to imagine how or what they felt. And now, I was going to rock the fragile foundation they'd been leaning on for all of 20 years. It wasn't going to be an easy ride tonight.

"Rosalie Lilian Hale… out with it… you're stressing your dad's heart out with all this anticipation…." Mom nattered as soon as we sat our asses down. Mom and I were alike in many ways. Sometimes when we went out shopping together, people even mistook us for sisters. She was fiery in nature, as I was, easily ticked off, as I was and yes…impatient too.

Daddy snorted at mom's comment about his heart; he was a strong as a bull – before gently placing a hand on my shoulder. _Tender. _Mom's polar opposite, her ballast.

"Sweetheart…what is it that you want to tell us? Is this about you and Emmett?" He asked with a gentle smile, warm blue eyes – Jas's; looking at me tenderly. Daddy might be a corporate bigwig, an intimidating man in his world of investment banking and property developments, but at home he was the sweetest man there was. Just like Emmett was. A big bear. No wonder I fell in love with Emmett.

"Oh I wish daddy… but no.. it's not about Emmett and me. At least not yet…" I grinned in spite of myself. I sighed and tried to arrange my thoughts again. I had practiced the speech over and over the whole day and it was at the tip of my tongue. And yet, as I sat here looking at these two faces, I couldn't for the life of me seem to come out with one simple sentence.

_Oh Jesus Mary and Joseph._

"Rosalie.." Mom pulled my attention to her. She had a look of absolute concern on her face now, the fine lines between her forehead deepening as she continued watching me. Despite the obvious age lines, mom was still very pretty. For some reason, those lines made me think of the years she was depressed. I probably wouldn't be able to confirm it, but somehow I felt those lines on her face right now were there because of those four years she spent mourning over the loss of her son. If it hadn't been for that, she would probably look ageless still. Guilt burst forth from my chest and I wanted to cry. If I hadn't been so careless…

"Baby girl what's wrong?" She reached out to me, her touch effectively pulling me back into the room.

_Get your shit together Rosalie Hale!_

I shook my head, to answer her, and also to clear my head.

"No mom…nothing's wrong with me... sorry.. I'll get on with it. I'm just going to go right ahead with this okay?"

"Okay sweetheart… take your time…" Daddy prompted, reaching out for me again. I was still holding mom's hand in mine.

I took a deep breath and held my parents' gaze firmly.

"I remember everything."

They looked even more confused than ever.

_Here goes._

"I remember Benjamin…_My brother._."

Mom's face fell the moment I uttered his name. My heart just about cracked at the sight of her. When I turned to look at dad, the dark angry cloud from earlier had returned, full force.

"Rosalie…what did I tell you about not talking about this, EVER?" He spoke in a low growl. I braced myself, knowing full well he was crossed only because of mom. What he did, moving us to Texas, erasing Benjamin from our lives – he did all of that to protect me, and more than anything, her. I remembered the 4 years she'd literally stopped living and simply existed.

"Please… daddy let me explain.. please don't get angry.." I entreated, shooting both of them a pleading look.

"Rosalie… please….don't do this.." Dad repeated in that same low growl, but his eyes were now pleading to me before they glanced cursorily towards mom.

"Bill, honey… it's okay, let her speak…"

Our standoff was forgotten instantly at the sound of mom's tiny, trembling voice. I couldn't help but think how different she sounded suddenly. It was so full of pain, so unlike the strong, confident voice she embodied all these years. I wondered just how much of her suffering she actually hid from me while I was growing up because there was no way in hell that amount of pain her voice carried now could have just materialized in one day. My tears started falling before I could even rein them in. _I caused this pain._

"I remember everything…" I began again, leaving the tears to roll where they went.

"I remember falling down the big staircase and bleeding at the bottom of the floor. I remember growing up those four years until I was 8 so alone, even when you and mom were there in the house. I remember playing with Benji when we were smaller, I remember what happened in the park that day.."

I had to stop momentarily when mom sobbed out at my mentioning that incident again. More tears fell.

"You said he died daddy… but he didn't. He didn't die…he was stolen!" I hadn't mean for the last sentence to come out harshly, but I was already battling to keep my emotions together that I slipped. Dad misunderstood completely.

"Rosie…I'm sorry I lied to you about your brother…you lost your memory, and we nearly lost you…your mother… I wanted a fresh start for everyone… I was only trying to protect.."

"Dad No!! I don't care about the lie…" I cut him short, wanting only to clarify everything. I would have if not for mom suddenly barging and lashing at me.

"Then why the hell are you dredging this up now?!"

I flinched at her outburst. She must have seen it because her demeanor softened instantly and she looked remorseful.

"I'm sorry baby…I didn't mean to scream at you…but…if you remember everything now… you understand if I don't want to talk about Ben... about this?" She pleaded even as her eyes begged for understanding. I wanted to cry out loud at the knowledge that she couldn't even bear to say his name. Not even after 20 years.

Well, it was time to rectify that.

"**Mom, Benji's alive. And I've met him."**

I couldn't put into words the look on both their faces even if I tried to. The silence in the lounge, heck the entire apartment was so deafening, you could hear the air hum as it passed through.

"Mom? Daddy?" I whispered a little worriedly when neither had spoken a word after 2 minutes had gone past. Daddy was the first to recover, but only just. He looked devastated and hopeful all at the same time. When he grabbed mom and pulled her into his chest, it looked as if he was clinging to her for dear life just as much as she was.

"Tell us… tell us everything…" He appealed to me then. So I did. I told them everything.

When I was done, I was emotionally finished. Emmett appeared then and sat on the arm rest beside me. Mom was sobbing hard. Daddy had silent tears running down his face. I was as bad as they both looked, I was sure of that.

"Emmett…do you… do you have a picture of him?" Daddy asked him then. I guess Emmett had anticipated this. He must have been listening all the while. With a nod, he left and disappeared into our room. A brief moment later, he came back with a stack of pictures in his hand. Wordlessly he handed the stack to daddy. The moment they looked at the first one, the one of Jas when he must have been four or five, all hell might as well have broken loose.

Mom was hysterical.

"Oh My God… Bill! It's him…it's really him..my baby..my baby!"

I sat there frozen, clinging to Emmett even as I watched my mom and dad fall apart in front of me. She was a mess, wailing like a crazed woman, clinging, clawing, and hitting at daddy. He wasn't far off. Their sorrow and pain was so tangible, it felt as if it had solidified into an entity in the room. And when they started poring over Jasper's more recent pictures, running their fingers over them reverently, again and again, as if it was the most precious thing they'd ever laid their hands and eyes on, I very nearly ran out of the room. 20 years of longing and mourning over their lost son – the pain of it all – it was just too much, I couldn't bear it.

It was my fault that they lost him.

************

_20 minutes later_

"Is..he okay now? How is he doing?" Daddy asked once they had both calmed down sufficiently. Emmett spoke.

"He's recovering... slowly. He's got some left side weaknesses from the setback in December and some lingering headaches, some memory loss…but he's getting better."

"My poor baby… after what he's been through.. to fall sick like this.. makes me feel so angry at GOD! Why does HE put him through this?" Mom lashed out angrily suddenly.

As emotional as the situation was, Emmett and I couldn't help but chuckle a little at her unexpected outburst.

"What? Can't I get angry at GOD for him?" Mom started defending herself immediately. I shook my head.

"Don't get us wrong mom… we're only chuckling because trust me – the entire family has gone through that phase one time or another…we know it only too well.." I smiled. I allowed a measure of relief to settle in me when I caught a tiny smile grace her haggard feature. And then just as quickly the guilt leaked through and swallowed me whole. It was my turn to be a sobbing mess.

"Mom, daddy... I'm sorry for losing him that day…I'm so sorry…"

"Ohh sweetheart…it isn't your fault.. you were four.. that park was supposed to be safe.. we'd been there so many times..I don't know why she took your brother but it wasn't your fault sweetheart. I've never blamed you, if anything I am sorry for neglecting you those years… I wasn't myself honey.. and I nearly lost you because of that..."

As she hugged and rocked me in her embrace then, I felt like the little girl again so many years ago. I held on to her tighter.

"Baby girl… thank you, thank you for this gift, for saving Benji… I'm so glad you found him when you did…" She spoke softly, peering into my face intently and flashing a grateful smile at me. When I realized she had finally said his name, the guilt inside me melted, I felt redeemed somehow.

When we had all settled down for the second time, mom didn't bother waiting for dad to open the conversation again. She seemed to have revitalized herself in the last 20 minutes or so. There was a spark in her that I hadn't seen in years.

"So...when are going to Forks?" She asked enthusiastically.

_Huh. I hadn't expected for them__ to receive the news so easily. My plan to give Jas some time to prepare himself for the impending reunion was in danger of being upended._

"I was thinking next weekend?" I said weakly.

"What?!"

Both my parents stared at me as though I'd made the stupidest decision in the world.

"Why so late? Why not tomorrow or Sunday?" Mom suggested, a look of sheer dismay written all over her face. She was desperate to see Jasper that much was obvious. I looked at Emmett, hoping he'd come up with some excuse for us, but he looked as stumped as I was.

"Mom, daddy… I kind of told Jasper, we'd fly next week…only,"

"But why would you say that? You thought we'd take an entire week to THINK about IF we want to see our long lost son?!" She screeched in disbelief. I could almost feel her talons flexing and sharpening as she continued to look at me sharply.

"Well yeah! I didn't exactly know what to expect from you guys!" I retorted a little hotly. My own claws came out with a _schwing._

I was definitely Catherine Hale's daughter – in that we were very similar in a lot of way, not that I'd ever admit that publicly. I loved her fiercely but there was no denying that we fought – a lot. Sometimes even over the most trivial of things. One could say we both thrived on a certain amount of volatility. Or maybe it was due to the fact that I had daddy wrapped around my pinky finger since I was 8 and so mom took it to task to be the one to keep my toes in line. Whatever the reasons were, daddy was so used to seeing us sparring that it didn't even faze him anymore when we did.

"Alright ladies…let's take a minute to cool down okay?" Daddy entered the fray instantly. I puffed my breath of flame out just as mom did hers.

"Are they always like this?" Emmett spoke suddenly, looking interestedly at daddy. I glared at my boy. I didn't hear or rather wasn't listening to daddy explaining to him in lengths how we were _always_ this way. _Now wasn't the time to be asking stupid questions like that Emmett! Now was the time to neutralize overexcited dragon Catherine over there!_ I tried in vain to send my thoughts out to him, hoping he'd read my intention somehow. I was happy when he seemed to be catching my drift, and couldn't help but smile a little knowing smile at him. It was our private smile. It meant happy hour in the bedroom later, IF he helped me.

"I think we can settle this amicably girls…" He started, flashing his wattage smile at me quickly. I tapped my foot on the floor waiting for him to deliver the disappointing blow to mom. In this scenario, Jasper's health came first. As his brother, he would never put Jasper's health second. I'd learned that the first time I bulldozed Jasper into accepting my suspicion about Benjamin and he ended up kissing the floor.

"Catherine.. I'll call Jas and ask him if it will be okay for us to fly up this Sunday…"

I almost choked on my own saliva. _My boyfriend did not just side with my mom!_

"Emmett! Talk! Bedroom! Now!" I hissed and stomped away to our private quarter like a sullen little girl.

"Aww babe… you mad 'cause you think I'm taking your mom's side?" He asked cheerfully once the door to our room was closed. I really was not in the mood for verbal sparring with my boyfriend right now, and was mildly comforted that his stupid grin was having a cooling effect on the molten lava in my stomach, but still…

"Baby…" He trudged on. I huffed, flicked my hair and glared at him.

"As angry as I am with you for jumping ship when I needed you by my side, I'm even angrier with you for choosing her needs over Jasper's health! I'm so shocked I have no words for you right now..." I fumed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Had he forgotten about that lecture from Carlisle and Dr R about stressing Jasper unduly and how _that _could suppress his immune system?

"For someone who's championing Jasper's health, you certainly forgot about that 2 minutes ago…has it occurred to you that maybe Jas needs time to prepare himself before he meets them? How do you think he'll feel if we suddenly turn up at your house with my parents on Sunday? Gee… I think I can guess – pressured, cornered, and unduly stressed? You told me not to push him before because you worry what unnecessary stress can do to his immune system and you practically give my mom the fucking master key to do so. I don't understand you!"

I had already told him how anxious and freaked out Jas had been on Tuesday. This had been a fucking huge decision for him and he would need the time and space to come to terms with what was coming. I made a promise to Jas we would do everything on his terms, his pace. Just how betrayed would he feel if I called him tonight and told him that we needed to fast forward everything to this Sunday? Fuck, I could already imagine him feeling like a cornered puppy, getting an anxiety attack because he wasn't given enough time to deal. I didn't even want to think about what the other women in his life would do to me if I forced this on him – getting my head chewed by Esme again? No thank you.

"Baby, I haven't actually said yes to your mom yet.."

"You might as well just have… Look, I know my mom okay? She'll bulldoze her way to get what she wants…or she'll make you feel so guilty, you'll…"

_He laughed?!_

"What are you laughing about! This isn't funny…" I almost stomped my foot.

"You… and how alike you and your mom are…it's too cute."

"We aren't alike, and it's not cute.." I said almost petulantly. I half expected him to retort in a similar fashion as we sometimes did, but he merely shook his head and continued to make fun of me.

"And for the record, I'm not taking anyone's side, except Jas's. I'm not going to force him, I'm just going to ask him if it's okay. If he says no, then it's no. Your mom will just have to deal with it."

"I want to see you try and tell that to Dragon Catherine out there.." I huffed. Emmett only chuckled louder.

"She'll absolutely hate you when you say NO, just so you know…" I whined a bit more.

"No she won't. This is Emmett… Everyone loves Emmett..." He chirped confidently, pulling out his phone to call Jas immediately. As irked as I was, I couldn't resist the little tug of smile on my lips at his unabashed confidence. He leaned down quickly to kiss the tip of my nose before pulling away to speak into the phone.

"Hey Jas…" I waited patiently while he exchanged quick greetings with Jasper before passing the phone to me. I knew Jas was only too eager to find out what had happened.

"Hey Jas..how you doing today? Well that's good to know.. Yeah..we just had the whole crying fest this evening...."

I cried anew as I recounted the conversation I'd had with mom and dad regarding Jas this evening. He was silent throughout as he listened and clung to every word. I smiled when I heard a sigh of relief come from him after I'd finished. He must have been anxious as hell all of today, just as I had.

"So everything is…good?' He asked, again. I didn't miss the anxious quiver lacing his voice.

"Yes….so far….But enough of mom and daddy, I want to know how you're feeling about this… You think you're ready to meet Catherine and William yet? Cause if you need time still… you must just tell me.. we don't have to go ahead with this if you aren't.."

The line was silent for a bit and for a second I thought he was going to reconsider his decision. I was happy to be wrong.

"Yeah… I think I'm ready…. I think so… so when are you guys flying up? Friday next week?"

I smiled guiltily.

"Honey… mom is a bit anxious… if you could put it that way…."

"A…anxious? Wh..What - anxious in a bad way or a good way?" I could hear the tendrils of insecurity slipping through his defenses. As much as my brother tried to appear he wasn't going to be affected by what our parents thoughts or felt about meeting him again, his voice couldn't lie.

"Relax baby brother…" I replied, using the term of endearment for him that I'd grown attached to, "she's anxious in a very good way….but sweetie, Emm wants to ask you something… hang a sec.." I practically threw the phone to Emmett.

"Hey dude.. yeah.. so I got a question to ask you..how do you feel about us flying this Sunday…?"

I cringed. I could already imagine Jasper feeling all cornered suddenly and it didn't feel good. I almost wanted to wrench the phone from Emmett and tell him not to worry about any change of plans. Mom could wait 1 week, she'd been waiting 20 years right? _God I am such a bitch._

"Yeah… Catherine's a little enthusiastic about seeing you…both she and Daddy Hale were sobbing over your picture.. yup… it was quite emotional. They've been missing you for 20 years bro…"

"Really? Oh damn…I didn't expect that… so she's alright? Yeah okay… I think you're right.... don't worry about it, I'll think of something to say to the folks here…Hey Jas, thanks for taking care of mom... love you bro..Kay..bye,"

"So what was that about?" I asked curiously after he'd hung up.

"Sunday's not possible, although he wouldn't have minded if we did..." He said casually. I stared at him. _Jas didn't freak out?_

"Really? He didn't…mind? Didn't freak out?"

Emmett tilted his head at me and grinned.

"Rosalie Hale, Jasper's been my brother for 18 years... I know him…even if he is freaking out, he'd rather get it done with quickly then be made to wait….. one thing you need to know about Jas babe, if he's made a decision, the faster it gets done with, the better it is for him. He's stubborn that way… when you give him too much time to think and analyze on his decision, that's when he gets all antsy and nuts..."

"Ohh…. now that you put it that way….." I mumbled, slightly disappointed that I'd read my brother wrong.

"So…uhmm.. .why aren't we flying Sunday then?"

Emmett sighed and raked his hair a little.

"It's my mom.. he's worried about her..she freaked out."

"Oh shit…really? How is she?"

"Jas thinks she's okay now, but he doesn't want to push her too quickly. He's told them we're only coming next week…and he thinks that'll give mom enough time to deal with her fear....she's afraid… mom's afraid she's going to lose Jas because of this…"

_Oh Esme._

"…I'm so sorry babe… I didn't even think about what your mom would feel… shit.. this is.. so fucked up.." I said wearily, suddenly feeling the weight of our decision bearing down on my shoulders, and his. I sidled up against his chest, and wrapped my arms around his bulky frame.

"Mom's just being mom…she gets emotional, her reasons get a little stilted I guess.. but she'll be fine," he muttered quietly in response, just as I felt him run his fingers through my hair tenderly. _There was something else there behind his voice…_

"I'm sorry if I got mad at you earlier Emobear.. I got emotional out there too and my reason just went flying…I haven't seen mom or daddy get worked up like that ever… I guess it freaked me out.."

"It's okay babe… I understand. You've seen me at my worst a few times already, so you cover my back, I cover yours, kay?" He smiled faintly at me before tipping his head to kiss my nose again.

"You know something else I'm sorry for? I am so wrapped up with this experience of having Jasper as my brother again, I forget the big detail that he is your brother too. In fact he's been your brother longer than I have been his sister…of course you know him so much better than I do.. and I doubted you. I'm sorry I doubted you.."

"Aww…thanks Rosie…That's really sweet of you, but no offence taken, really…I wasn't trying to rub it in either that I know him better.. okay?"

I nodded. I didn't think he was trying to.

"Do you think it's weird though? That we share a brother? I know that you guys have the real thing – him being your biological brother and all… but do you mind…" He hesitated briefly then, and in that brief second that he did, I caught a flicker of emotion flash in his eyes. "..Do you mind if we share him?"

I was quietly taken aback at what I saw in his eyes. He was sad. It took me a second to realize that maybe this 'stilted' fear that Esme had was not uniquely hers, but every member of the Cullen family as well, only in less degrees of intensity. That or they hid it better than Esme could. Another second more for me to realize just how special the Cullen family was and how blessed my brother was to have found a home, family and most importantly love in Esme and Carlisle, Emmett and Edward. They took care of Benjamin when we couldn't. How could we ever repay them for what they did for us, for him? The answer was simple, we couldn't. We were forever indebted to the Cullens for this gift.

That simple realization hit me like a bolt of lightning and I practically felt my chest cavity open wide for this man in front of me even as an immense feeling of gratitude flowed through me like a raging river beating madly upon a levee.

I pulled myself flush to his chest, and a part of me suddenly wished our contact could somehow make him feel what I was feeling right at this moment. I knew it was highly unlikely though so I tugged at his collar gently instead, effectively drawing his gaze down to me. I died just a little when his lips curled into a tiny smile, despite the sadness reflected in his eyes.

"Baby…I should be the one asking you that really… Do you? Mind?… sharing Jasper with me?"

It didn't surprise me when his bottom lip started quivering just a tad bit even as he bit on it. Neither was I surprised by the few drops of moisture hitting my face when he shook his head wordlessly to answer my question because he probably didn't trust his voice right then. I smiled, wide.

"Emmett, thank you. Thank you for taking care of Benji all these years. When I think of what could have happened to him after he was taken…"

I shook my head forcefully at the ill thoughts that ran past my mind just as the words materialized in my mouth;

"I'm grateful that he ended up with your family, that he had you for a big brother. He was stolen from us, but he didn't miss out on family or love because he had all of you. Babe, I can never thank you enough for what you've gifted him, my parents and me."

I found myself buried in his chest once more and he kissed the top of my head and threaded his fingers through my hair gently as I sniffed my tears away. Just when I thought he wasn't going to say a word still, I heard him.

"I don't know if you should thank me babe... I feel pretty lucky to have a brother in Jas…and Edward. They're both very special to me. Have I ever told you about the tripod?"

I shook my head and looked up at him again. The sadness was gone, and in place of it was something light and cheerful.

"Remind me to tell you sometime then…" He said, then chuckled and made to wipe his eyes and cheeks, and I did the same with mine. We both realized at the same time that my parents were still outside waiting for us. They were probably constipated with anticipation now.

"We should go talk to your parents…they're probably thinking we've gone to bed and left them in the dark…" He snickered. I nudged a finger into his side.

"You're telling my mom she's not going to be in Forks this Sunday… I'm going to be behind the couch hiding while you do that…" I tittered.

"She can't be that bad.." He reasoned. _Well, he'll know soon enough._

"I'm not saying anything…" I snickered softly, and quickly pulled him down for a kiss, weaving my fingers with his before we trundled out of the room together.

************

_Friday_

_**JPOV**_

_Calm Calm Calm Calm Calm Calm._

I'd been reciting that mantra all morning now. I hadn't been sleeping well the last two nights due to anxiety. As a result, I could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming and I was doing my best to ignore its presence at the moment. What did they say about certain situations, illnesses being a state of mind? Well, I was practicing that now – simply because I had no choice really. Our guests were arriving today. In the next hour or so.

"Angel.. why don't you rest a little? You didn't get much sleep last night either…"

"Can't babe.. too anxious.." I admitted honestly, wincing as a stab of pain hit the inside of my temple. I was hoping she wouldn't catch it, but who was I kidding, my baby had eyes on the back of her head. Her face didn't give away her concern but she was by me the next instant.

"Headache?" She asked quietly, yet her fingers were already in my hair, trying to massage the dull throb away.

I nodded faintly, leaning against her chest; her gentle movement lulling me even as she threaded her fingers through my short hair. Like everyone else, my sunshine worried about me, but she didn't fuss nearly as much as dad or mom or Rosie did. Yet in her relaxed, unassuming ways, she achieved the same goal as everyone - only better. She knew just the right thing to do every time. _Like now. Didn't even have to ask her to massage my head._ She just did it.

_That's why I loved her. She understood me implicitly._

"Son… you okay?" Dad approached us a short while later, that oh so familiar worried look etched on his face even as he leaned down and placed the back of his hand on my head. He must have seen the exchange between me and Alice earlier. I looked at Alice and almost rolled my eyes. She was trying to hold her laugh in her chest, judging from the way her body was shaking ever so minutely. Of all the people in this house, dad was definitely the worst. Still was. Mother clucking hen had nothing on him when it came to mothering me like shit. _Like shit I say._

"I'm fine dad.. just a little headache." I said stoically. He didn't believe me – if his raised eyebrow was any indication.

"Really I am fine.. just a teeny bit of headache. I didn't sleep well last night.." I lied. The headache was growing and I hadn't slept well for two days now, but if I let him in on it, he'd never leave my back.

"You'll tell me if it gets worse..No.…not you…" He recanted and turned to Alice instead.

"I'll tell you if his headache gets worse.." Alice replied obediently. I stuck out a tongue at her and plopped back against the backrest. With a quick nod and thanks to her, he finally left me in peace. Alice chuckled and plopped onto the seat next to me.

"Oh Jazzy… your daddy just loves you..… don't hate him for it.." She teased.

The thing was I didn't. I just couldn't stand being treated like glass every fucking time. Dad was improving but I couldn't be too lenient just yet.

"Ohh…. Easy for you to say sunshine… you try being babied by him for a month and then get back to me..." I retorted playfully and quickly leaned over to capture her lips. Her soprano giggle was music to my ears and I forgot about my headache and the impending guests for a while.

************

I stood by the lounge with Alice standing beside me while mom and dad received our guests. William and Catherine Hale. I knew I should have probably gone to the door with mom and dad but my feet were frozen solid on the floor. I couldn't move.

_Good afternoon William, Catherine. Good day Mr__. Hale, Mrs Hale. Good afternoon Mr and Mrs Hale. Oh fuck it!_

"Jazzy, breathe..." Alice whispered to me and I took a staggered breath in instantly, my hand finding purchase on hers just as the people started moving towards us. I felt the edges of my vision flicker hazily for a second and for a brief moment almost panicked that I might just repeat my performance in the hospital again, until Alice whispered for me to breathe again.

_O__hh… No wonder.._

_Calm Calm Calm Calm…_

Rosie made the introductions and I somehow managed to sputter my name out without ending up looking like a complete moron.

William seemed nice. When we shook hands, his grip was firm and just right, none of that alpha male 'break a finger why don't you' shit some people fancied. His face was open, his smile warm, shoulders relaxed. I knew from Emmett he came from old money and half expected him to show up with an attitude, but he didn't. I could see myself liking him easily. From the way Rosie was leaning against him, I had a feeling too she had him wrapped under her pinky talons.

"Hello Jasper…it's wonderful to finally meet you…."

_I know you._

I almost flinched back at the thought that entered my mind the moment I heard Catherine's voice. I was only too relieved when no one seemed to have noticed me tense and I was able to somehow form a passable smile on my face. I extended my hand to shake hers then, but she made an unexpected move and engulfed me in a quick, tender embrace instead. I was too stunned by her gesture, and then again by the tenderness of her hug that I couldn't form a coherent response. I ended up squeezing her elbow in return.

_Who squeezes elbows in introductions?!_

_Apparently I do. _

I moaned silently at my sudden loss of basic social etiquette.

After trading quick pleasantries, mom and dad, Rosie, Emmett and Alice left us by the patio so we could talk privately for a bit.

"You'll be okay baby.." Alice whispered to me furtively before giving me a gentle squeeze on my back and leaving with a smiling Rosie in her arm.

For the first 15 minutes or so, we exchanged more pleasantries - they asked me about my health and progress, I asked them about work, their home in Texas. While we managed to keep a conversation going, it was obvious both sides were blatantly ignoring the big pink elephant sitting comfortably between us. After a quarter of an hour talking about Texas weather and a recount of my health mishaps, I was ready to slit my wrist. If we didn't address the elephant soon, I was going to have to kill it myself. How though, I didn't know.

And then just as suddenly, the opportunity presented itself.

"Fucking huge elephant hey?" William said casually. I almost had to collect my jaw from the floor.

_Daddy Hale ha__s a funny bone. Nice…_

_Wait. What?_

I didn't get a chance to process my own thoughts because Catherine was suddenly slapping the poor man in front of me.

"Bill!!" she hissed, swatting his arm again. If she didn't remind me so much of Rosalie, I would have gotten a little worried ….and maybe even a little scared at the prospect of her being my mom.

"Damnit woman..stop hitting me.."

"Bill!!" Her voice went up another decibel and she slapped his arm, again.

"What did I do? Don't tell me you don't see it? It's right there…sitting next to Jasper…wearing a big pink bow too.." He carried on, ignoring the obvious blush of embarrassment on Catherine's face.

I was suddenly trying hard not to laugh at the scene unfolding in front of me. These were my parents? For real? They sounded and acted like Emmett and Rosie. _Fucking hilarious._

I chuckled even as Catherine flashed me an apologetic and slightly embarrassed smile.

"You have to excuse him sweetheart…he…"

I didn't notice her hand had come up to touch me. What I did notice was my immediate reaction to that. I flinched visibly when she touched my cheek. I wasn't too sure why, but I didn't think it was because I detested it. Maybe it was because she just caught me unawares and well there was that weird thought running in my head again. Her voice, her touches were somehow triggering these freaky "I - Know – What –You – Did – Last - Summer" statements in my head. Whatever it was that she wanted to say, she stopped, and as if burnt - pulled her hand away from my cheek instantly, clenching it into a fist on her lap instead. She stared at me with this look of absolute despair for a second before wrenching her gaze down to her fisted hands. At that very moment, I wanted so much to reach out and comfort her, maybe even apologize, but I couldn't move. So I sat there awkwardly and stared at my own frozen hands in my lap.

The fucking pink elephant was right back where it was. Irately I wondered if we were even going to be able to talk about anything of value today. They had flown all the way from Texas to meet me and I'd been having sleepless nights because of this. I had a list of highly important questions begging for answers running like a marquee gone mad in my head and they probably had a long list of their own. What was I thinking when I told Rosie I wanted to do this? I was nowhere near ready to deal with this – if my reaction 10 seconds ago was any indication. Staring at my fucking hands on my lap?

_Fuuuckkkk!_

_You weren't ready for this. You weren't ready for this__._

Damnit. Why couldn't this be easy? Why couldn't we just lay everything out and get it done with!?

Once again, it was William who seemed to be saving the day. And me for that matter.

"Let's get the show going shall we?" He asked tentatively of me.

I let out a cynical laugh.

"I don't know how to do this… I'm not good.. with this.. shit…I didn't.. don't… know.. expected…awkward…shit.." I mumbled incoherently to my lap; shame, guilt, irritation coursing through me. Maybe this was a mistake after all. The dull stab of pain from my headache this morning chose the perfect time to make its presence known again and I gritted my teeth tightly at the combined discomfort.

"Don't berate yourself son... no one said this was going to be easy. I sure as hell didn't… but look at us, we were laughing our asses off not two minutes ago…I say that's not too bad for a start…"

I gave him an unsure glance. _Really?_! _I just ... look at your wife! _I threw a furtive glance at Catherine who still looked like she'd just been meted out with a death sentence. I cringed inwardly. Nothing screamed hurt more than being rejected by the son who was stolen from you 20 years ago.

_Way to go Jasper…_

"If it makes any difference Jasper… both Catherine and I would sooner face this awkwardness with you over and over again than carry on with our lives not knowing what happened to you, thinking you were forever lost to us.."

I felt my heart clench something fierce at his admission and at the visible tremble in his voice. When I finally found my balls and looked up from my hands to his face again, I was quietly shaken to see tears running down his face. A few minutes ago, he was cracking jokes, now he was crying.

_Fuck. Why did the air feel so heavy suddenly?_

_Say it. Just say it._

"Did… did you miss me at all?

"Everyday sweetheart…… Everyday…."

It was Catherine who answered me. The longing, the pain in her voice was so heavy it felt as if I was drowning in it. I didn't allow my brain to think then, and my body moved of its own volition. My arms found purchase around her back and I melded her form into mine. And then suddenly she was clinging onto me tightly. I felt her entire body shake, and her chest heaved staggeringly in my hold before the sobs rang in my ears.

************

"So…I have another question…."

In the last 1 1/2 hours of our conversation, after Catherine's unexpected breakdown in my arms, I had been throwing the Hales a ton of questions – from what immediately took place after my kidnapping, to the months that followed, to why Rosie had to grow up alone for 4 freaking years, to why Texas and why they lied to Rosie about me.

"Rosie showed me a few of my baby pictures last year…"

"Ohh?" They both looked surprised by my revelation.

"Yeah… she told me at first that I didn't exist in any of the family albums she'd seen… she found the pictures in your attic?

William looked guilty all of a sudden.

"Don't feel bad about it… after what you've told me, I can sort of understand why you did it – If I were you I would have probably done the same… it's easier to erase me than to try explaining to her why she couldn't remember having a brother… or what happened to me."

"Jasper….I know it sounds like I erased you from our lives, but I didn't. At least Catherine and I didn't. We wronged your sister those four years Jasper... she was still so small. We forgot that we still had another child to love, she didn't deserve what we did to her, even if we never meant for it to happen… After the accident, I knew I had to do something if we were going to give Rosie a chance for a normal life. I did it for her. And for my wife. You have to understand how hard it was for me to have to wipe…"

"No..please..you don't have to explain yourself.… Like I said I don't blame you. I just wanted to understand it…that's all.."

"I never forgot. I have a folder in my office drawer of some of your baby pictures and your toddler drawings that I look at from time to time… when I start forgetting about little bits and pieces of you... that folder helps me to remember..." He said wistfully.

"And I spend afternoons in the attic when no one's at home…" Catherine added, smiling at me sadly.

They never forgot. They just…didn't talk about me to each other. Because it was easier to deal with the pain that way.

I understood.

************

We talked for a while longer before Rosie came to interrupt and told us lunch was going to be served soon.

_You okay Jas?_

I caught the silent question in her subtle glance. I never thought a nod could make someone light up like a Christmas tree so easily, but it was exactly how she looked like when I did. The grin on my face was as wide as hers.

"I guess we should wrap it up for now? Maybe continue later..or another time?" Bill suggested casually after Rosie had left. I was all for it. I was glad we had had 2 hours of enlightening conversation, but the African _djembe_ group were making a raucous noise in my head again and I needed a break and maybe some painkillers.

"I concur… but before that… I do have one last question.." I said, shooting Bill a playful smirk.

"Shoot.."

_God help me. My father even sounds like Emmett. _

_Wait. What?_

"Is it on its head…or around the neck?"

Bill erupted into a loud chuckle instantly, his whole body shaking with his boisterous laugh. Catherine though continued to stare at either of us as if we'd gone mental.

"I'm…confused…" She muttered, peering into my face intently as if trying to decipher a cryptic code. I probably should have explained to her but was having too much fun watching the confusion in her face right then as she tried to make sense of the humor in my question. And then just as suddenly, the switch flicked on in her head.

"Are you boys… is this about the pink elephant??"

Bill's laugh got even louder and I bit my lip harder, nodding at her while furiously trying to hold my laugh in. She was confused again. And just as I was about to give up hope, she found the other switch.

"Ohh! The bow!"

I vaguely registered the lilting noise coming out of her as she finally joined in on the little merriment between us. It was melodious.

………………

I was spinning around and it felt as if I was flying, my feet practically suspended in the air, the wind whizzing past me in a great speed. Above me a dizzying pattern of yellow spots…stars? Yes, stars of various sizes and shapes were busy chasing one another even as the ceiling seemed to be going round and round like a planet going on its axis. A high pitch giggle broke out, almost drowning the other wonderful noise in the room and it took me a second to realize who the happy peal of laughter belonged to. I yelled to be spun faster, my giggles only growing in strength and pitch as I watched with growing delight and innocent amazement the yellow stars above me starting to catch up on one another, slowly meshing into one huge yellow blob of a misshapen moon. There was one word to describe the moment I was feeling - _Magic._

_Ready baby?_

She trilled loudly then, and my laughter became even more hysterical than ever. Her grip on my body tightened and locked under my armpits and I was suddenly flying around in an angled arc, higher and faster than before. And then just as quickly as it had begun, the ride ended and I was deposited back onto the soft mattress below. Amidst my high pitched peals of childish laughter, her lilting, melodious laugh tinted the happy mood surrounding us.

_Mummy, one more time!_

_One more?_

_Her laughter rang sweetly in my ears even as my own giggles mingled with hers._

"Jasper? Jasper are you alright?"

I realized I was back at the patio of our home and Catherine was looking at me with deep concern marring her beautiful, fine features. I must have zoned out for bit there when I heard her laugh.

Her laugh. Her lilting laugh.

_I know you._

"I'm sorry… I must have zoned out…" I mumbled and regretted the wince of pain that appeared on my face the next instant. My head was still spinning.

_Great, she looks even more worried now._

"I'm fine…" I tried to stand up, but her hands were on my shoulders pushing me back down instantly.

"Bill's gone in to call…your…dad…we've been trying to snap you out of it for a full minute.. you don't look okay…"

I hung my head in slight embarrassment when I caught dad and Bill hastily approaching us then. The rest of the entourage right on their heels. I stifled a groan at the impending commotion.

"Dad I'm fine… I just zoned out a bit …" I plied even as dad knelt down and checked my eyes, and felt my forehead again.

"Bill said you weren't responding to their calls for a whole minute…you could be having absent seizures Jasper..." He insisted worriedly. I rolled my eyes. _ What's next?_

"No it isn't that… I promise it's not that…I was just caught up in some kind of memory…"

"And it makes your head hurt? You're wincing son.."

"Okay… Maybe a headache too.." I admitted lamely. Another stab of pain to my head brought the memory back to the fore.

"…I don't recall ever having had that memory before…" I mumbled out, more to myself than to the gathering of people around me. I heard a jumble of noise coming out of dad's mouth then, and from the rest of them. My eyes sought a face in the sea of worried glances looking at me.

"Catherine…did...did I like to be spun around like a helicopter when I was small?"

"Yes… yes you did.. in the mornings and before you went to bed…" She said with a shaky voice, her pupils seemingly dilating at my question.

"And did.. did I have stars painted on my bedroom ceiling?"

Both Bill and her nodded now and she clapped a hand over her mouth to stop a gasp from escaping maybe. I felt my chest heave with a familiar emotion when she started detailing the memory I had just witnessed in my mind.

"It was our favorite thing... you and me Benji.." She whispered tearfully to me in the end, a ghost of a smile etched on her lips. It was the first time I had heard her call me by the name they gave me.

I smiled back at her.

I remembered. I remembered that she loved me.

"I remember your laugh. I think.... I loved hearing your laugh..."

For the second time that afternoon, she cried in my arms. This time though, I felt my own tears mingle with hers.

I remembered a piece of her. It was enough.

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A/N: So???? Was it satisfactory? Bring up any memories of your own childhood with your parent/s? I would love to hear all comments...

A/N 2: If anyone has any requests for other Tripod outtakes, please don't be shy...PM me...


	8. Jasper Alice Special: Tomatoes

Disclaimer: SM owns the original characters... tsk tsk. But tripod is mine.

_**A/N: **_ With all the magic love between Alice and Jasper, it's only fair that a reader( obviously a Jasper – Alice fan) requested that they be given a special loving aka smut chapter. Here's the end result. There's a reason why this is rated MA. It may not be as graphic as some of the others you find in FFn but it is kind of descriptive in places so you have been warned.

Summary: Alice and Jasper get their freak on...

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**Jasper Alice Fan Special  
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_**JPOV**_

I couldn't help but grin when my sunshine writhed and stretched sensually beside me just as my fingers accidentally grazed the top of her exposed hip ever so slightly. We were in bed, getting ready for sleep, her in her tank and satin shorts, me in PJ pants and my reliable old white T.

_At least I thought I was getting ready for bed. Apparently my baby has other ideas._

"Jazzzzzmmmmmm….." She murmured with glazed eyes and inched closer to my body, her lips seeking mine automatically. I welcomed her mouth readily, enjoying her sudden burst of dominance when she somewhat forced my lips open with her tongue. I savored her sweet taste in mine, simply enjoying her controlling the speed of our making out. It wasn't long before she was attacking my jaw and neck with fervor, while I paid attention to her ear and the back of it. Within seconds, my shirt was gone. I chuckled softly as she threw the suddenly offending piece of material to the floor.

"You feeling frisky baby?" I chuckled even more when her fingers started roaming the expanse of my torso, leaving gossamer fires and titillating tickles in their wake. She didn't answer me, still busy with biting and sucking at my jaw and neck. They, her nimble fingers, skated desperately over my skin for a few long minutes before finding rest between my legs. My limbs parted reflexively at her not so subtle nudging as her tiny, soft, beautiful palm cupped me firmly.

_Damn. Forward, dominant Alice is Fucking HOT._

I had to hold the groan that almost escaped my throat when I felt myself harden at the thought, and her touch.

"Mmmmhmmmm….you...just looked so delectable this evening… I could barely sit still at the dinner table tonight…" she admitted sheepishly before breaking into a giggle. The grin on my face widened discernibly at her admission and utter cuteness. Who but my Alice could appear totally innocent and sinful at the same time?

_You are one lucky dude Jasper, it's almost unfair._

_I know… tell me about it._

"I wondered what was wrong with you earlier…" I said amusedly even as my hand continued brush- stroking invisible patterns all over her lower back and hip. Her encouraging but faint moans only made every inch of my skin tingle with anticipation; goading the warming embers of lust to fire up from deep inside my belly.

She growled against the sensitive curve of my neck when I touched a particular spot on the small of her back and her palm squeezed me just a little harder. I couldn't hold back the groan this time. Or the twitch. The confident chuckle that burst from her lips only speeded the need inside me.

"You're really frisky tonight aren't you sunshine?"

"I don't see you complaining…." She retorted in jest and to prove her point made me wiggle against her touch even more.

"Unghhh babe….that's go…od.." I moaned unthinkingly at the movement she was making with her palm on my flimsy PJs.

"Mmmmmmm… I love how responsive you are angel…" She moaned approvingly. _Yeah baby, moan for me.._

"Feeling you grow hard for me like this..." Was that a growl I heard? _Jesus...thank you._

"You like me touching you like this baby? Hmmmmmm?" She purred the non - question against my ear, making my neck stretch luxuriantly towards her warm breath, like a moth to a flame. A shudder coursed through my entire body when I felt her wet tongue suddenly stroking the shell of my ear. My eyes fluttering close even as I felt her approving smile against my skin. She palmed me again through my clothes, a moan that was almost too painful for my twitching member escaping her lips again when she felt my dampness finally.

"You're WET……delicious." I literally melted into a puddle just hearing her whimper the word into my ear, as if it was the most mouth-watering thing she'd ever felt. Another flick of her tongue. My neck practically curling towards her sinful mouth.

_Oh Mother of God._

"Alllcc..…mmmmpfhhhhh.." I could barely form a coherent thought in my head. My hands wanted to grip her hips and flip us over, but at the same time, it made me unbelievably horny that I was in this vulnerable position and she was dominating me, controlling our dance, coaxing my responses out. So I left my hands where they were currently, gripping and fisting the sheets on either sides of my body. She seemed to have caught my drift because the next instant my baby was suddenly atop of me, thrusting her hips against mine harshly; her dancer pins securing my hips to the bed firmly. An almost evil cackle escaped her swollen, raspberry stained bitten lips, seconds before I felt her grinding against me again, rubbing and rolling her heated center against my own heated skin. In my lust filled hazy mind, I saw her plump, delicious folds opening and closing like petals in bloom, even as she rubbed against my naked stomach in deliberately slow, languid strokes.

"Ugh… hot…" She grumbled a second later and all but shed her skimpy tank off. My hands shot up to cover her beautiful chest in an instant, touching, adoring her skin, appreciating the curve and weight of her flawless mounds as they molded perfectly into my cupped palms. How could I not think that God made this angel for me? Everything of her fitted my parts perfectly. Even her breasts were made for my hands. I wanted to feel her soft pink buds pebble in my mouth, rolling against the roughness of my tongue. I called for her then and she scooted up my chest, leaning over so my mouth could suckle her finally.

"Jasppprrmmmm….."

I winced slightly when her fingers flew into my hairs, pulling at them accidentally the same time as I engulfed one bud into my mouth and grazed my teeth around the sensitive skin, even as my tongue flicked on it. She pressed down harder, practically offering herself to me and it was all I could do to lavish her with the attention she so deserved.

I grinned at her obvious pleasure – my baby was practically writhing atop of me. If she had one super sensitive arousal spot - it was her nipples. I was more than happy when I discovered this vital information in the first few times of our lovemaking.

"Love..tongue on ..me..ohh Jasp!"

_See? Loss of coherent thought._

The grin on my face became a pained frown when her fingers gripped on my roots tighter. Even lost in her pleasure, Alice knew instinctively when something was not right with me. Her writhing stilled and she looked down at me concernedly.

"I hurt you baby?" Innocent gray eyes gazed lovingly into my face.

"You're trying to give me a hair transplant sunshine?" I mumbled, rubbing at my scalp gently, but smiling at her all the same.

"Ohhh you poor thing, I'm sorry angel…."

She leaned over and started peppering my head with kisses. In the process, she all but offered her perky breasts to me again. _How could I not?_

_And so our private dance continued._

We made sweet, languorous love under the pale moonlight streaming into our bedroom from the wide open glass door that led out to our private balcony. Even as she rode me, I couldn't help but be awed by the sight of my beautiful, soon to be wife (my soon to be wife!!) in all her naked glory in front of me – the sheen of sweat from our lovemaking making her alabaster skin shimmer almost iridescently against the silvery light of the moon, the way her lust lidded eyes would open and close involuntarily when she hit a perfect spot inside her tight, slippery, hot sex; and the way the edge of her lips would curl into the faintest of smiles in tandem with the back and forth rolling of her hips on top of me.

My moon and star. She was insatiable. Sexy. Sweet. Miniature. But big of heart and soul. So full of love, she was overflowing with it. And I got to feel all of that love from her. I was a very lucky, lucky man.

"What are you thinking?" She slowed down momentarily to sweep a soft hand to my jaw, pulling my attention back to the room, to her.

"Just how much I love you sunshine…how lucky I am…" I smiled, sweeping my hands down the sides of her beautiful silken hips. The Icarus living in my heart soared once more at the joy evident in her face.

"Oh baby…I love you too…"

She swooped down, a wide smile etched on her face. Lips met lips. I bucked my hips up to meet her once more, and she all but melded into me. I could drown in my angel, be imprisoned in her embrace for all of eternity and it would be worth it.

************

_**Alice POV**_

When I saw him take a bite of the cherry tomato from his salad during dinner this evening, I could have sworn I felt my panties go damp instantly. Just the way he was seemingly making love to that fucking lucky piece of vegetable with his oh so suckable lips, all pink and glistening from the juice from said tomato, how could I not think of Dirty Thoughts??? My mind reeled back to the day last July when we had first become re-acquainted with each other again. The week after his septic shock induce coma.

_Even sick he looked beautiful_. Those had been my very thoughts when our eyes met that afternoon.

Yep. Beautiful. Sexy. Sweet. Totally fuckable. If he was this irresistible at 40% of his normal self, God only knew what he'd do to me when he reached 100% all Jazz. I'd probably combust at the sight.

_Oh Damn. Yup I'm wet. I am soo wet._

_Mind out of the gutter Alice! Esme and Carlisle are watching you!_

"Honey, Alice… you okay?" Just as the thought ran past my mind, Esme pulled me out of my dirty inner monologue. I only hoped I wasn't drooling visibly. I flashed a stupid smile at all three and tried to focus on eating my own tomatoes.

_Oh I wish I was a tomato on Jazz's plate right now. That way he could make love to me…right now._

_Alice!!!_

_Okay okay.._

"Baby… you sure you okay?"

Jazz spoke this time. I looked up and caught the bemused expression on his face. Damn! If this supper didn't end soon, I was going to go nuts.

"Uhh… yes..Jazz..fine… just..very hungry.." I mumbled, almost reddening at the double entendre I'd just made.

"More salad baby? These tomatoes are divine mom..…" He held the bowl up for me, eyes twinkling in amusement. At the very second, I caught the tip of his tongue flick out to catch the remnants of tomato juice on his lips and almost choked on my cos lettuce.

_I am so going to tomato hell now!! Fuuck!_

"Uhmm..yes.. Esme, they're…delicious!!" I exclaimed instantly, trying to veer my thoughts away from the imagery in my head. Jasper between my legs, his tongue flitting out, sucking hard …on ME.

_Danger! Danger!_

_************_

"I wondered what was wrong with you earlier…" He said amusedly even as his fingers continued to run feather like touches all over my hip and the small of my back. If I had wings, I would have started flying already.

My Sun. He was nothing if not an observant lover. Or maybe it was just because we were just so in sync with each other, I wasn't too sure, but I sure as hell wasn't complaining either. He knew all of my hotspots just as I knew his. I loved the way he touched my skin, so reverently and adoring in their gentle and tender movements. I didn't know why exactly I felt this way, but it made me feel like he was anointing me with precious oil or painting a masterpiece with my skin as his canvas. Jazz had wonderful, sensual and artistic hands. Hands or should I say fingers that were capable of making me shoot to the moon and lick the stars in 5 minutes. I especially loved it when he paid attention to my breasts. Was it weird of me to think that his hands when cupped, fitted my mounds so perfectly? It was as if, his parts were made for my parts. That GOD made him especially for me. Maybe there was truth in the myth after all about every person in this world having a perfect half. What did they call that? Twin flames. Some wise old man said something about each of us being angels with only one wing, and only in embracing one another could we really fly. If that were true, then Jasper was without a doubt the angel bearing my other wing. With him though, I didn't just fly, I soared.

I loved riding him. There were several reasons for that. One being, it was more comfortable and less tiring for him. Even though his strength had improved much from our first night together; my angel still tired very easily. Much as I hated to admit it, the repeated chemo treatments had done their damage to his body quite substantially. He had a long way to go with regards to recovery. Another reason, and a good one too was the fact that being on top meant I had control of how fast or slow, how deep or shallow I could go. Yet another was the obvious but unsaid fact that my angel got a kick from me dominating him sometimes. I guess every man enjoyed being 'spanked' every now and then. But the best reason was definitely the view from the top that I got from this position. I could watch his face fully from this vantage point. Every nuance of emotion flitting across his face at every thrust, every rock of the hips, every wiggle, or circle I made – I could catch every single thing. And God if he wasn't one of the most beautifully expressive creature on earth when making love. I loved it when his lips would pucker into a small 'o', even as his hooded eyes would flutter close when I drove him deep inside of me. I enjoyed watching his eyes darken with lust and his tongue flitting out to lick his mouth whenever I did my little gyrations on his hips while his length was buried in me. And it certainly turned me on a hell lot when he'd bite down on his bottom lip to hold a grunt from escaping when I rode him in wanton abandon, even as our skin made slapping noises against each other. And how could I not love being on top if it meant I could pay attention to that beautiful face of his with my adoring kisses?

"Baby...close.." He grunted softly, his hands gripping my sides tightly as he flattened his feet onto the bed, pushing me into a slight tilt towards his chest immediately. I groaned on instinct, knowing from experience the pleasurable feeling that was to come from him thrusting into me at this angle.

"Ride me Alice..God..Fuck me baby…fuck me hard.." He grunted huskily again, blue eyes flaming with lust and love boring into mine intensely.

My eyes never leaving his burning gaze, I grounded my hips into his lifted one hard and fast. Again and again. The grunts and groans between our lips getting louder and louder as we scaled the heights – higher. Higher. HighER. HiGHER..

Stars. Planets….

_Holy fuck!_

I felt my whole body exploding into tiny particles of stardust even as we both fell off the edge with a shuddering shake.

"I love you baby…"

A tired, but deeply sated smile graced his beautiful face once more. I didn't have to have mirror to know I probably looked the same way.

"I love you too angel…."

*************

_20 minutes later…._

"So…what was it during dinner that made you get so…unbelievably horny sweetheart? Not that I minded…. But I definitely could use a repeat again…" He grinned.

"Emmm….it was the tomatoes really…" I mumbled sheepishly, feeling myself blush slightly at my silly admission. Jasper's eyes grew wide seconds before his grin broke into a loud chortle.

"You're so weird sunshine! Tomatoes??"

"Well..you ..you…you looked like you were sucking…."

I never finished as he dove down in front of me suddenly, flung the duvet away from my body and started mauling me with his sinful mouth.

I grinned cheekily_....who knew tomatoes had aphrodisiac qualities?  
_

_Round two here we go!_

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A/N: You happy with that JA Fan? Sorry sweetie...I couldn't make myself to write _cock, pussy_ and all that crude language with the two of them in mind....I guess I was brought up by Esme too!!!

Please do leave me your comments. I appreciate any constructive feedback. Clearly I need it...


	9. Sick

Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. I'm just playing with the characters.

A/N: Think I mentioned in several chapters how Jasper is annoyed with Carlisle's overbearing caring. This chapter touches on that, pretty much Carlisle explaining himself but who am i kidding - I 'm just dying to insert more snippets of father son moments between my two favorite characters. Also for Bite Me Jasper Cullen. For sharing my deep love for Carlisle/Jasper father-son relationship. Hope you enjoy this girl!

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**Sick**

_**Carlisle POV**_

"Daddy?"

I looked down at the flushed face and medication glazed eyes, frowning ever so faintly at the obvious discomfort my little boy was feeling.

"It itches." He grumbled, one hand automatically going to his torso to scratch the obvious itch on his skin. I stopped said hand just in time, looking at the red marks on his torso – allergic reaction to the antibiotic he'd been given to counter the persistent cough he'd caught two weeks ago, which had since flared up to full blown bronchitis.

"It itches…" He moaned again, coughing thickly this time. His tiny hand fought to escape my hold for a brief second before he quit, obviously too fatigued to put up much of a fight. He looked just about ready to cry.

"Hang on son...we'll get rid of that soon okay?" I muttered soothingly to his ear before quickly grabbing the bottle of calamine lotion Esme had left on the bedside table next to his bed. I practically slathered a thick gunk of the pink stuff all over his exposed torso, spreading the soothing liquid over his inflamed skin gently. The clenched up fists relaxed and I saw a glimmer of a smile appear on his previously irritated face. I felt my own lips curl slightly at the look of relief on my 8 year old son's face.

"Thanks daddy.." He murmured shortly after, snuggling closer to my form. With the itch on his skin eased, he was able to go back to sleep once more. The fever, the constant hacking of phlegm from his lungs had made him one very tired and irritable creature. I knew a sick child could be a handful, but my 8 year old may have very well invented a whole new category of handful these last few days of him being sick. Esme barely had rest in the last 24 hours due to his attention grabbing hysterics, which was why I was now in bed with our 'little princess in disguise' instead of my wife, so she could get some rest for a change. I could not blame him though. It wasn't his fault that he developed an allergy to the antibiotic Dr. Rene, the pediatrician gave for his lung infection. Poor Jasper broke out in horrible hives all over his arms and torso hours after Esme and he got back from the clinic, he was practically screaming in tears from the itch and probably from the horrific sight of it too. After that mad rush to the ER to get him checked out just in case he developed worse reactions, and another meeting with the ped, we were finally able to take him home with a bottle of calamine as adjuvant therapy to the hives. I had concurred with Dr. Rene about not giving him any oral therapy or injections for the allergy, worried he might develop another reaction. Just as well, my stubborn son practically refused to let any medicine to pass through his mouth after that fiasco with the first one. No amount of coaxing could make him open his mouth and the little that got in only ended up painting his shirt and duvet, because he made a point of spitting and dribbling everything out like 2 year old just as soon as Esme let up. Talk about mission impossible. My poor wife had to get creative in dispensing his medication. She mixed it in his food. Thank the Lord he was sick enough to not notice any difference in taste, else, he would have probably gone on a starvation protest as well.

He coughed thickly again, managing to bring phlegm up only to swallow it back. My face scrunched up disapprovingly at the sound. _Well, at least he was coughing it out – better his stomach than his lungs._

My lips curled into a smile once more when his hand was suddenly roaming across my torso, blindly searching for mine. It could only mean one thing; he wanted me to scratch his arm. That always lulled him to sleep more than anything else. Neither Emmett nor Edward enjoyed being held, hugged or touched much when they were trying to sleep. The one time I tried the Jasper sleeping trick with Emmett, he complained that I was making him itchy and hot. Edward was not a total lost fortunately; at least we were allowed to scratch his head once a while; although he much preferred us reading to him. It was a nice surprise for both of us then when we found out how touchy feely our middle son was.

He snuggled deeper into my side as my fingers started stroking his arm lightly, his breathing evening out finally. I sighed, content at just being able to spend some much needed time with my sick son. My duty as a doctor at the county's hospital meant that I couldn't always spend every weekend bonding with our three boys or caring for them the way Esme could when they got ill. But every chance I got, I made sure was well spent making up for those lost times. Even if it meant spending the night next to a sick boy, getting a cramp in my one arm from having to repeatedly scratch the scrawny limb resting over my stomach. I may not be their biological dad, but there was no doubt in my heart what these boys meant to me.

_What they still mean to me._

"Honey?"

"Huh?"

I swiveled around in my office chair to catch Esme's smiling gaze on me, before her eyes fell on my lap, at the object that had caused my daydreaming in the first place. She'd been the one to take the picture – of me sleeping, with 8 year old Jasper snuggled comfortably against my stomach and legs, my hand perching on his bare arm. She made her way around the desk and settled herself against the edge, in between my parted knees and took the picture off my lap, her smile broadening at the picture and her own memory of it.

"I remember this one.." She said fondly, eyes gazing back up at me.

"I went to relieve you from princess duty later that night, figuring you were probably tired out by his antics then; and found you snuggled up soundly with her royal highness instead..." She chuckled softly.

"I still haven't got you for taking that picture while I was asleep… what if I had been drooling, you would have ruined my perfect reputation.." I teased, thinking of the DILF – _doctor/ daddy I like to fuck_ rumor I'd heard going round among the female hospital staff at work – something Esme was well aware of and made a point of raising every now and then. The soft laugh that erupted from her lips washed over me like honey dripping from a spoon in the heat of summer sun. Warm and sweet. Esme perfection.

"Aww babe.. it was a priceless father son moment, I simply couldn't resist."

I looked at the picture in her hand again, and couldn't help but agree. It was a perfect shot. With our matching blonde hair, one could have easily mistaken him for being my own flesh and blood. Somehow the thought of that made me beam a little inside.

"You know… I much preferred the princess than the stubborn boy yapping 'I'm fine' every time I give as much as a glance his way now…" I started grumbling just a little, thinking of my current relationship with said boy – _an itch you couldn't scratch _was a perfect description of it. Much to my surprise, Esme's chuckle turned into a full blown laugh.

"I'm sorry… but it's not like I'm not the only person in this house hovering over him like a mother clucking hen…and yet I seem to be the only one getting much grief over it. And in my defense, he should at least try to understand that I'm merely trying to make up for all those years I wasn't able to be there for him when he was younger, and plus, he's given me a heck of a good reason to worry about him now."

"Of course you do sweetheart…" She appeased instantly, even though the grin was still painted clear as day on her pretty face.

"And you're right… we're all guilty for treating Jasper like a fragile egg …but…"

"But what?"

"If I had a video of you and how you carried about treating Jasper in January, you'd probably go the deny, deny and deny route."

I cringed, as though her words were a bitter pill that I suddenly had to swallow. Much as I liked to deny it, I knew I had gone overboard with my caring in Jan. Even Jasper's doctor had made a teasing comment about it.

"It was that embarrassing huh?"

She nodded, smiling at me.

"_Where are you going Jasper?!"_

"_I need to take a piss dad… it's just there…" _

"_Do you need help? Be careful with your IV… don't touch it before you wash your hands..."_

_He threw me a pointed look as if daring me to come in and fuss over him while he relieved himself..._

_I would._

"_And now?"_

"_Dad…." _

"_Should you really be walking on your feet yet? You've been in coma a whole month son… your balance is probably off… what if you fell and hurt yourself? What do you want, I'll ask one of the boys to get it.."_

"_Fresh air. Can you get me that?" He had asked a little sarcastically. _

"_Sure… let me just go get the wheelchair.." _

I chuckled at the memory now. Come to think of it, I did drive my son a little crazy didn't I?

"If you hadn't been so overzealous with caring for him every step of the way the whole month after he woke up…"

"I have given him much more space than before…" I tried defending myself.

"I know…but remember how he refused to take any more medicine after breaking out in hives? Our son might be older and wiser but the boy will always carry his habits around…and since that stunt, you're like the medicine that made him break out in those horrible welts… it's going take him some time to start trusting you to not go crazy again.."

I groaned in defeat. She only chuckled louder.

**********

I had been keeping a watchful eye on Jasper since his news on Tuesday evening about meeting the Hales. Apparently he'd been in discussion with Rosalie and had come to a decision to have the reunion the coming week – today in fact. Our discussion that night had been very interesting to say the least, especially on Esme's part. It was oddly surprising to see such an unfamiliar emotion flit across her face, and then overcome her so totally. She was jealous. It was adorable and yet sad at the same time, seeing my wife become distraught at the mention of Jasper meeting his biological mom. I was more than grateful that he was crafty enough to mollify his mother's unfounded concerns.

But that was beside the point.

I was worried for him, worried about how this impending meet, and the reunion itself would affect his mind and therefore health. If I knew Jasper at all, this one week wait worth of anxiety was going to eat away at his mind like a perforating ulcer. Much as he'd like to think he's made leaps and bounds in progress since the setback in December, as a doctor, I knew better – he was still very weak. It would not take a lot to overwhelm him, and his immune system was far from being strong enough to withstand another setback like the last one. I had heard of BMT patients who'd been in the recovery process longer than he'd been when he fell ill, succumb to much lesser complications. We were only fortunate that Jasper had been too stubborn to give up. That, or maybe he'd just been very lucky to survive. Whatever the case may be, I didn't want a repeat of December, ever again – if I could help it. Even now, he was still dealing with the effects from the multitude of complications that came with the CMV disease he contracted. While the limb weakness I had no doubt he would be able to overcome through physical therapy, the headaches were likely to be long term if not permanent due to nerve damages obtained from the combination of inflammation, seizures and subsequent hemorrhage he'd had. The few occasions I had seen him become totally incapacitated by the pain, it felt as if I myself was incapacitated by the very thing. I guess my guilt ran deeper than I thought. Every time he hurt – it reminded me that I put the hurt there. So long as he continued to feel pain, I doubted I would ever be rid of this guilt.

He was wincing all morning, even if he tried so hard to hide it. Most probably from me so I wouldn't hound him. _Honestly, I wasn't totally inconsiderate, I could control my mollifying if need be! _Of course, that didn't stop Esme from pulling me into the kitchen and giving me a piece of her thought anyway. I had a feeling my son had something to do with this. Traitor.

"_Carlisle… please honey, I don't think Jasper would appreciate it if you treated him like an invalid in front of the Hales this afternoon…."_

"_But I'm not!" _

"_Babe… then stop hovering.. Alice is with him," She looked at me pointedly for a second before returning her attention back to the casserole she was preparing for lunch._

"_But…he's been wincing all morning…and surely you can see he looks a little pale..."_

_She laughed. Laughed?! How could she laugh? I grumbled under my breath. My wife was supposed to be with me in this._

"_Stop being a mother cub…that's my job you know.." She chuckled. _

"_I know you're only worried for him, but Alice is with him… you know he doesn't, can't hide things from her… so if something comes up, she'll definitely know, and she'll tell you.." _

_I huffed. I preferred to have first hand info, what was wrong with wanting that? I was the doctor in the family after all. If Jasper was ill, I should rightly be the first person to know. But I guess, having Alice on my side was better than nothing at all. I would make a point of speaking to her later._

"_You ganging up with Jasper isn't fair."_

"_He's my son honey... his happiness means my sanity is intact.."_

"_And what about my sanity?"_

"_That's your own doing Carlisle… just…would it hurt to trust him a little? If he's in more pain than he can handle, I am sure he will come to you… he just wants you to stop treating him like he's still 8."_

"_I liked it better when he was 8." I retorted petulantly. _

"_Carlisle…." She pleaded, doe eyes looking at me again. _

_**********  
_

He told me he had a tiny bit of a headache when I managed to get my hands on him (while Esme wasn't looking for sure) and gave him a quick once over. He was lying through his teeth, _what did he take me for really? _Remembering what Esme told me though, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt ; but only after garnering Alice's confidence that she'd tell me if anything was wrong.

_Hey, I had to cover all grounds!_

He certainly didn't need any of my help in sending the worries clawing their way back into my mind when he blanked out on Catherine and William in the middle of their conversation this afternoon.

_Honestly, how could anyone think I was over worrying when he gave me every reason to? _

I wasn't the least bit surprised when Alice came knocking at our door close to midnight tonight.

"Alice? Is everything alright?"

"I'm sorry to disturb so late Carlisle, it's Jasper…" She muttered, a pained expression appearing on her face immediately. I didn't need to ask to know she was talking about his headaches. Today's meeting with the Hales may have turned out alright, and I was quietly glad that it did (seeing a happy smile on Jasper's face was worth the week's worth of worrying and stressing), but it certainly didn't come without a price; if him wincing or touching his head every so often today was any indication. I had been hoping though with rest and a couple of ibuprofen, the pain would have gone away.

"How long?"

"Since we got to bed… he took a couple of ibuprofen then, but I don't think it's helped... he's been grinding his teeth the last couple of hours."

"I bet you had to fight with him to come and seek my help?"I asked rhetorically. The tiny nod was enough to feed the tendrils of irritation filling the space behind my ribs that I had to exhale loudly to get some of it out. _What was he trying to prove? That he was man enough to suffer through pain?_

"What's going on? Alice?" Esme's voice alerted me she had come to join our little party by the door finally.

"It's your stubborn son, Alice said he's been in pain since they got into bed hours ago.." I grumbled, not even bothering to hide my displeasure.

"Oh my poor baby…"

I flashed an incredulous look at my wife.

"Don't you oh my poor baby him Esme…"

"If he wasn't so stubborn in trying to prove to everyone that 'he's fine' all the time," I pointed out, almost spitting the hated phrase out of my tongue, "he wouldn't be in pain right now…"

"Oh don't be so hard on him Carlisle..." Alice tried to defend him then, though I could see a glimpse of a smile appearing on the edge of her lips.

"Not you too… I think that fiancé of yours needs a spanking… and don't say he's too old for that either. I don't care if he's 23, he's being stubborn and childish.. 'I'm FINE' my ass.… " I huffed a little too hotly for my own liking; much to the amusement of both women.

"Now, now dear…we can talk about exacting corporal punishment on your child in the morning ok…. Right now he needs your medical expertise… come," Esme tugged my hand gently, not bothering to hide her amused grin. I stopped by my office on the way and got a shot of Toradol just in case before we hurried on our way.

If I had expected the irritation to linger inside me when we reached his room, I was mildly disappointed. It disappeared the moment I heard his muffled groan against the pillow. Maybe it was due to the many months of having already watched him suffer through his treatments and side effects last year, maybe it was just an inherent instinct as a father – but it hurt something fierce to see him in pain and helpless like this. The only thought in my head in that instant that I heard him moan was to relieve his pain as quickly as I could, just like every other time he'd been sick as a child and I had been there to care for him.

"Jasper…son, look at me…" I ordered, holding his face still with one hand while flashing the penlight quickly over his eyes. The immediate groan was expected. Slightly dilated pupils. The pain had to be quite intense.

"How bad is it?" I asked bluntly, seeking his confirmation. I heard him mumble three. Knowing him though, he was probably feeling closer to four, but as per his usual stance these days, played it down significantly. I gave him the shot. The relief on his previously tensed body was almost immediate; and I felt the anxiety in my own body ebb away with his pain.

"Thanks dad..." He murmured to me, after having recovered his senses again. I felt awful just seeing him look so tired and pale. My plan of wanting to lecture him about keeping his pain to himself went flying out of the window.

"Don't mention it…" I replied quietly, rubbing on his arm absently. In my peripheral vision, I saw Alice climb over to the far side of the bed to sit beside him again.

"Go ahead… say it.." He mumbled softly at me, as if reading my mind. A mischievous grin had appeared on his tired face even as his head settled deeper into the pillow. I snorted automatically. I knew that look only too well; I remembered him wearing it numerous times as a kid – when he knew he was caught doing something naughty or wrong.

"Don't think I won't…" I responded, trying to sound threatening. But it only drew chuckles from everyone, Jasper included.

"Reserve that for tomorrow honey… for now, I think our son needs his beauty sleep…" Esme interrupted me instead, leaning over to place a kiss on his forehead and blatantly ignoring the frown he was giving her at the remark.

"Mom…" He whined, while simultaneously trying to give a serious glare at a now wide grinning Alice.

"Yes… princess?"

The utter mortification on our son's face was enough to put a smug smile on my face, even as Alice erupted into a loud giggle at Esme's deliberate pun. My son just turned beet red. He only knew too well the 'real' story behind that pet name we sometimes used on him.

We left the two to their rest shortly after, but not before I told Alice loudly that she was to come knocking at our door if he happened to be in pain again; stopping him short when he almost said the phrase I'd come to hate in the last couple of months. I didn't want to worry anyone but I had a nagging feeling the long night had not yet ended.

I heard the next knock at 10 past 4 in the morning; quite glad that I hadn't fallen into a deep sleep after that first wake - up call at midnight.

"Is he in pain again?" I inquired after her the moment I opened the door.

"No..but he's very warm.. he's got a fever…" Came her worried answer. I saw a flash of unnamed fear flit past her eyes instantly.

_Fever. The last time he had fever…_

I shook the memory from my head instantly, not wanting to recall that day just yet.

"Give me a second Alice.."

I headed back to the bed and roused Esme up. I hated worrying her but I needed her to be prepared in case we needed to take Jasper to the ER, again.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I knew this was going to happen!_

A thousand and one possibilities ran and cartwheeled across my mind in the short distance we covered from our room to theirs. A thousand and one possibilities, none of which I prayed and hoped would be the one with us having to rush him to ER with something as dire as the previous one. I didn't think I could handle another one of those so soon.

But with Jasper – who knew?

**********

101 degrees.

It was slightly higher than the ceiling limit we all knew by heart by now, but he didn't seem to be worsening either. I decided against rushing him to the ER, choosing to rather try and bring the fever down ourselves and keeping watch of his vitals for the next few hours. If both of them were surprised by my decision, neither made a show of it.

Alice..do you mind if..I stayed with Jasper for a bit? I'd like to keep a watch on him..."

She smiled.

"Of course you may.… I think I could use some coffee and something light to eat.. Esme did say she was keen on some early morning snacking.."

I watched her place a light kiss on Jasper's head before she rounded the bed and gave me a similar one.

"Thanks Alice.." I murmured quietly in return.

"I'll bring you coffee shortly okay?"

"Okay.."

With a quick squeeze on my shoulder, Alice left the room. I made myself comfortable on Jasper's bed then, resting my back against the headboard while my hand once again sought to check his temperature. He was still very warm, but stable. At least he wasn't delirious. I uttered a silent thanks to the universe that the tight lines on his forehead was nowhere to be found. At least he wasn't in much pain either.

"Al..ice?" He roused from his fevered sleep a short while later.

"It's only me son… Alice's gone down to have something to drink.."

"Dad?….what.." He mumbled looking a little disoriented.

"Shh… just rest… you've got a fever…we've been keeping watch of you for the last hour or so.."

"No wonder…feel hot.."

"Here, put this under your armpits for a bit…it'll help cool you down…you want some water?"

He shook his head, and I helped to place the cool packs under each armpit and a couple more around his neck, and replaced the wet cloth on his forehead.

"Are you comfortable? Do you need me to move?" I inquired softly afterward, swiping the imaginary loose curls away from his hot forehead.

"No.. you can stay…" He mumbled, and I could have been mistaken, but I thought I felt him move just a tad bit closer to me. My hand instinctively started running over his bare arm.

"Thanks daddy… s'nice…" He murmured again, barely audible this time. He must have been really worn out by the fever to not have noticed his slip of tongue at calling me daddy again, something he hadn't called me since he turned 11. I watched his eyes flutter close and he was asleep once more. My hand continued its natural course on his arm and I felt myself relaxing against the headboard again; the heat from his fever seeping through my sleep pants even as he pressed the side of his head against my hip. I recalled the picture Esme had taken of us many years ago and how familiar this felt now; I found myself smiling warmly in spite of the situation.

We might have annoyed each other with our antics in the last couple of months, but notwithstanding our head butting; one thing we needn't ever fear, was the loss of love between us as a result. As I carried on watching him sleep, as my hand continued to run over the memorized paths - learned from years of caring and loving; it occurred to me that no matter his age – he could be 4, 8 or 23; times like this would always remind me of the 'constant' in our relationship - in my eyes, my heart, in my mind - he would always be my little boy.

* * *

A/N: I enjoyed writing this, for sure - I am a sap for father - son moments between these two characters - always. Did you enjoy that? Please leave us with some lovin...comments., feedback, other outtake suggestions?


	10. Baby Baby

Disclaimer: Twillight and its original characters are not mine. I'm just playing in the playground

A/N: Hi guys, first of all, sorry for the long absence! Seriously I thought the last chapter was it, but I guess some of you are still looking forward to some Tripod lovin. Who am I to say no? But really sorry, I've been having writer's block for the longest time....Anyway, enough of my rambling. Just a lil bit more: I read an awesome story - Vamp Jasper and Alice - its called Fear of fire by Chicory. Go read it, seriously - it's excellent. And yeah... and this chapter takes place 3 years after Tripod.

Summary: Everyone's got a family going now, what about Alice and Jasper?Will it be their turn now?

* * *

**Baby, Baby**

_**AlicePOV**_

We were going home to Jasper's folks for the coming Easter holiday. Since it also coincided with Carlisle's 50th birthday, Esme had decided to throw a little dinner party for him the following Monday evening. It was a perfect excuse for all of us to take leave, and both Jazz and I decided we could afford 2 weeks from our hectic life in New York. After a killer first quarter, I was looking forward to the little break and I knew Jazz was too, if only because he was craving for his mom's home cooked Italian food, seeing that his tiny wife – yours truly, even with her many years in La Italia, couldn't even beat his cooking. Most of all, we were simply looking forward to some R&R with everyone again. Our family had grown a little since I met the Cullens. Last year Feb, Rosie and Emmett welcomed their twins – Ezra and Benjamin – the most adorable little angels.

The Cullen Hale dynamic duo. If I had thought Jasper and I, well mostly Jasper, owned the year that we got married; we were wrong. Just a couple of months after the tearful but successful Hale reunion, Rosie rang everyone up with more good news, she was knocked up! That resulted in a shotgun wedding just before Jasper's first year off chemo ended. Daddy Hale hadn't been too happy that his baby girl was knocked up before marriage, they did after all come from old families; and Emmett was skating on thin ice for several weeks according to Jazz. But in the end, all was forgiven when he swept both parents off of their feet and made Rose cry buckets with a grand gesture of proposal that was most assuredly seen and heard by the entire Austin population as well. Big Bear Emm must have knocked off a good portion of his savings for the massive billboard advertisement with the tagline - _10 Things I love about Rosalie Hale_. It stood proudly along the highway Rose used to traverse to and from work every day. And then to top it off, he publicly proposed to her, again via the local radio. That couldn't have been cheap either. He told everyone later though that even though Rose had practically chewed his head off for his silly display of affection on the airwave, it had been worth every cent and effort. He wanted Rose and the Hales to know that he wanted Rose, wanted to marry her regardless if she was pregnant or not. He was proud of the fact that she wanted to carry his baby. When he got home, Rose was waiting by the door and tapping her feet and flicking her nail, looking every bit like a dragon about to eat her food up, but…err…. yeah, Emmett did well. Daddy Hale welcomed him with open arms and they got married in a small unfussy ceremony in Austin just before her bump showed.

The year after that, at the beginning of Spring – it was Edward and Bella's turn. They were the first to get engaged, but in the end, they were the last to get married. Not to say that their day was any less perfect than everyone else's. In fact it suited them well, as both were compulsive organizers to the minutest of details. Like ours, Edward and Bella had their special day in Forks, but held the function by the beautiful meadow a short walk through the forest behind the Cullens backyard. It was uber romantic seeing that it was there too that Edward proposed to her. While ours had been small, theirs had the attendance of the Cullens' extended families from all over ( Esme's family were sorely affronted to know that they hadn't been invited to the first two weddings and so Edward's special day was sort of a peace offering to them) as well as both sides of Bella's families. Esme and I nearly had a panic attack when we saw just how many were coming. As for her wedding gown, I pulled strings and had my designer friend James to design and make it. Suffice to say – she wowed the crowd, and Edward had eyes only for her for the rest of the day. She was as the French would say - _cest magnifique._ Bells was just over her first trimester now. They couldn't join us up in New York for Christmas last year due to her delicate situation, but having passed her first trimester with flying colors ( she was an overachiever just like her husband), she could travel anywhere she wanted, barring Edward's approval and him tagging along like her own personal servant, of course.

I was more than happy for them, as I loved both Rosie and Bells like they were my own sisters. But just as the thought of the twins and Bella's pregnancy and convening with everyone again in Forks put a smile on my face, at the same time – I couldn't help the little flash of hurt sparking behind my ribs. Their blessings also reminded me of our loss not too long ago.

Last year in May, I too was pregnant. It was wholly unexpected because I was still on the pill. Due to prolonged effects of the chemo drugs to Jasper's system, we were under advisement not to have kids until he was at least two years off of it. We were well aware of stories, documented cases of babies conceived from at least one parent who had recently undergone chemo treatments, who were born with severe birth defects and congenital diseases. Having seen Jasper suffer from cancer, him having gone through the experience of it; neither of us would wish for our child to go through tremendous amount of pain or suffering needlessly. Not if we could help it. We were both very clear on this from the day we got married. But then, I suppose – sometimes even the best of plans fails. It just goes to prove that nature is so much bigger than us humans, even if we sought to control everything. There was a _small_ 0.02 % of the pill ever failing, and for as long as I had been with Jasper – it hadn't failed me once. But somewhere between April and May of last year – it did, it failed; and that extra blue line on the test kit appeared one May morning, much to my anxiety, excitement and fear all rolled into one. After taking three more tests, just to be sure that I wasn't imagining things and then arranging a quick meeting with my gynae two mornings later to confirm it, on the third day – between coffee and hot croissants served in bed as the go between, I broke the news to him.

"_I'm pregnant."_

He nearly choked on the buttered croissant, and coffee sprayed out of his mouth and nose like a hosepipe.

I remembered the look on his face. Shock. Concern, like mine. But most of all – that inner glow that could only mean one thing – Sheer, undiluted happiness. He was ecstatic. We were already complete just the two of us, but having a child out of our love, our union – that feeling was beyond description. Indescribable joy. I was beyond overjoyed that he felt exactly as I felt about this. Once he'd recovered from his initial shock, he sprung up from the bed, lifted me up and twirled me like a merry go round, and then he hugged me tight but preciously as I imagined he would have done with Snow, his precious childhood toy; when he was a still a little boy of 4. He did everything he could think of to show me the extent of his joy, it was bubbling out of him really. And when he had run out of decent ways to show me, he bared his soul again, in the most intimate of ways. We made love – so slow and tender, it must have hurt him something fierce; but he was that afraid of hurting the little seed that was ours inside of me – I was moved to tears at his concentrated effort. I kissed his tears of joy as he hovered above me and made my body sing like a prized Stradivarius. I loved seeing Jasper's smiles – all and sundry – but that smile on his face even as he moved in and out of me with the most tender of care, that smile that stayed on his beautiful face amidst soft utterances of love for me – that went down in my record book as one of the top three most memorable ones I'd ever seen or received yet. And then later, after the euphoria died down a bit – we talked about the concerns of my pregnancy. It wasn't easy because obviously we had to discuss about the possibility of terminating it immediately, something we both decided independently, before even voicing it, wasn't even a consideration. Having a baby makes porridge brains out of people they say, and I suppose it did that to both Jasper and I, because we conveniently forgot the concerns regarding his chemo side effects. For a brief while at least. It was only after we skyped Carlisle and Esme to tell them of the news and seek advice, that we grudgingly got back to the ground. I was thankful, even if a little miffed by Carlisle's bluntness – if our baby were found to bear serious defects or carry diseases that could seriously mar his or her survival once he or she were born, would we carry it to term still? Would we allow that suffering to our child still? To be honest – it hurt to even think of it. Like it was wrong to even be thinking of those things with the seed inside me, growing, listening to my every thoughts. It was Esme's heartfelt words that really made an impact on both our thoughts. Forced us to put the needs of the growing seed inside me first, instead of Jasper's or my own desires and needs.

"_Alex suffered tremendously during his illness. Until he died, I doubt he knew anything much else other than pain. That's why I felt so guilty about him. Had I known that he was going to be suffering so much from the beginning, had I known that pain was going to be all that he knew of, I would have not brought him into the world. I know it sounds cruel and selfish, but to bring something so innocent and pure into beauty like this and all he or she will know of it is suffering and pain, I think that would be the crueler thing to do."_

Guh. It was hard to hear her say those words and see the heavy emotion painted on her delicate face. It made me think of her pain, how tormented she must have been over Alec, and then with Jasper again when he was sick as well.

We promised to take their sound advice under serious consideration.

Barring medical advice and all concerns, there was no question as to our intent with my pregnancy. We both wanted to keep it. If, we crossed that threshold, we would make the right decision then – for our baby.

Two weeks later, at my first ultrasound and checkup – that decision was taken out of our hands. Needless to say, we were both…**crushed.**

10 minutes into my appointment, as the doctor ran the scanner over my still flat tummy a few times, while my heart fluttered in excitement inside my chest, I had the first inkling of fear creep inside me. And when she stopped and cranked the monitor a little louder, I felt it seized a little more. Felt Jasper's grip on my hand tightened as we both stared at the monitor and at her face back and forth. _Was something wrong with our baby? Could they actually find defects with the baby so early in the pregnancy? Could it be?_ Her next words felt like a stabbing sword into my chest. My pregnancy was non viable. I was technically waiting to miscarry.

Jasper gave me all his support during and after my D&C procedure, but it was easy to see that he was as devastated as I was. The kind doctor told us it wasn't anyone's fault and that these sort of pregnancies happened quite often, and sometimes the reasons were idiopathic of nature, meaning unknown causes – but I couldn't help blaming myself, even if my tests showed that I was perfectly fine to carry a baby. But I was the one carrying it!

For some reason, Jasper blamed himself. Somehow in his despaired mind, he felt his 'defective' cells had something to do with the pregnancy failing. I wished I could have been a better partner at the time to tell him that he was wrong there. But I was too deep in my pain and loss to see that he needed me as well. When I realized this, that guilt had transformed and eaten into his core. After a month of moping, thankfully we both realized life didn't end and would continue – and I was glad to report it was there waiting for us when we were ready to face it with a smile again. But it didn't come without a price, and it certainly caused a deep seated, even if distorted fear in my angel's psyche. It would be months, before he would trust himself again.

"You okay sunshine?"

Warm soft breath brushed against the skin of my temple. Turning in my seat, I caught his concerned, somewhat sad look. He knew what had been running in my mind. I thought of how I had left him to suffer through his and my pain back then, alone, while I wallowed in my despair selfishly, and how he had borne it without a single word of complain. Guilt hit me.

_You've despaired enough..he has, don't you think?_

"I'm okay baby… it'll be good to be home with the family again.." I asserted, a little too chirpily – it screamed FAKE to his face easily. It only served to deepen the crease between his eyebrows.

"Jazz..I'm sorry.. I.. I was brooding about last year…" my shoulder sank as I confessed the very next second. It was pointless to try and lie to him. He had always been able to read me fairly accurately.

I heard a soft "oh" fall from his lips.

"I was thinking about the kids really… I'm excited to see them. I really am. But..then.. well, you know, it led me there…I'm sorry, I didn't mean.."

" Honey.. of all the things you can be sorry of, you should never be sorry for feeling sad over that. It's okay.. I understand.. I just.. I hate .." His face darkened with the word tumbling out of his lips. I had to shush him.

"Baby..I promise you that I'm fine? I really am. I have dealt with what's happened and I'm okay with it. It was just a touch of longing, that's all.." I stopped him from saying a word more, because in all sincerity, I did deal with it. The last thing I wanted was to make him feel guilty again or sad again, because I was sure he was going to make himself a martyr of out if, given the chance. It was times likes this, that I hated the fact that he felt too much for his own good sometimes. I saw the sliver of pain in his eyes linger for a second longer before he blinked it away. I felt his lips on mine instead.

"I love you so much Alice.."

Whatever grey cloud still hovering over my personal sky disappeared at his whispered statement, my sun obliterating all else.

I smiled, at peace.

He was right beside me, ready to thwart all melancholic thoughts away at a moment's notice, when we arrived at home at last to the sound of shrill cries of the babies. With a firm but comforting squeeze on my side, he looked at me and smiled encouragingly. _Don't be sad, we still have each other._ He seemed to be saying. I couldn't be sad even if I wanted to especially when I heard his next words.

"We have all the time to try sunshine…. in fact, I think we should take advantage of this holiday and get the ball rolling… what do you think?" He winked playfully now.

_Was he serious? _

I wanted to scream hurrah but managed to keep my excitement contained for the moment, choosing instead to antagonize him a bit.

"Jasper! " I hissed, trying hopelessly to contain the mirth from showing on my face. Unlike a few years ago, when we couldn't care less if anyone heard our raunchy, vocal bedroom actions, we had the two little piglets to consider these days. I was sure neither Rosie nor Emmett – even with their extrovert nature and blasé attitude about sex, would appreciate us tainting their precious babies' most important mental development phase with our unrestrained vocalization of passion.

"What?" He said, feigning innocence; and ignorance.

"There are kids in the house now....we can't just …. you know? Especially since you, Mister," I poked a finger into his chest, " can't really keep your mouth shut when you're at it…" I muttered, smiling slyly.

My husband only smirked wider.

"Speak for yourself Mrs. Pot. The kids? … all the better sunshine, they'll inspire us…." He whispered cheekily, one finger flicking me under my chin lightly as mischief danced on his eyebrows.

"I'm serious Mrs. Pot." He asserted, schooling his face into a serious one, futilely.

I laughed. The door opened.

"Hey guys.……What so funny?"

Emmett's appearance at the door, looking harangued and tired ended our little discussion.

"It's nice to see you Emm!, Sure, you look like hell.." I chirped, embracing the big guy and kissing his cheek.

"Yeah..tell me about it," he groaned softly. "...between Rosie's moods and those two devils disguised as angels.." He stopped short before looking behind him quickly, "I haven't had any for three weeks now!" he hissed.

"Well hello to you too Emm, geez ... couldn't you at least wait till we get in?" Jasper groaned. I slapped my husband's arm softly. _What was he complaining about? We were talking about the same thing seconds ago._

"Sorry…" Emmett looked thoroughly chastised, but only for a second, before his grin widened again. "Welcome home bro," he greeted Jasper properly, pulling him over for a hug before showing us through the door, alerting everyone with a yell of our arrival.

"So what were you talking about that was so funny?" I heard him ask Jasper again as we headed towards the stairs. My laugh carried off in the air as Jasper's lie of an answer rang in my ears.

He was damn serious. About the baby making thing.

No more condoms.

Or pills.

_Happy dance!_

*********

The opportunity arrived on Saturday morning when Rose asked if I could babysit the boys for a couple of hours as she had promised to do the grocery shopping with Esme later in the afternoon. I whooped in delight, excited at the prospect of playing mommy even for a couple of hours. Even told Rosie that if she and Emmett wanted to drive to Port Angeles and book into a motel for a couple of hours, I'd watch the boys for them too – Rose look totally scandalized, and then grinned shamelessly. She'd probably take my offer up before the our holiday was over.

I ended up doing nothing really as the boys fell asleep shortly after they left. The EB Inc, as we liked to tease Bella and Edward (due to their highly efficient, though sometimes annoying compulsive behaviors) were only due to arrive later this evening. Carlisle was at work. That left me and my husband who was currently playing Mr. Pool Boy outside trying to fix the problematic pool pump his mom was complaining of, and the sleeping boys under my care. In this big spacious house.

I giggled again at the thought of us having a little frolic in bed while the twins were asleep. Just as the thought sprung into mind, Ben stirred and woke up, dazed eyes looking straight up at me. I felt like a little girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar suddenly as his eyes bore through me.

_You better not be naughty Aunty Alice…Ezra and I are listening…._

They seemed to be warning.

Out of nowhere, his face scrunched into something awful, which made me feel panicky all at once. He was going to wail out for mommy dearest if I didn't do something quick. Seeing the pacifier lolling beside him on the crib, I quickly stuck it back into his mouth, praying it would work. The little angel calmed down immediately and then promptly dozed back into la la land.

_Phew. That, was close. _

_No more thinking about bed and Jasper, you dunce. _

_Shut. Up._

_And you say you're ready to be a mom? Bet you would have really panicked there if Ben started wailing just then…_

_Would not. _

_Would too._

_Oh Shut up moron. You're talking to yourself!_

Choosing to ignore my stupid monologue, I returned my attention to the tots, their content state – just sucking on those fake nipples, as Emmett put it so eloquently, as they slumbered, lulled me into a somewhat content state myself. What was it with babies that just made you want to sigh and just let the worries of the world go by?

Ben.

Jasper's namesake. Between the two, he was younger by two minutes. The boys couldn't have been more different like their uncles Jasper and Edward were. Ben had light golden brown hair that looked surely to turn blond as he grew older while Ezra's hair was darkening even further to the shade of his dad's hair. They even looked different. The only similarity at this point were the shade of their eyes – a grayish blue, which could very well turn into a different color as they grew older, according to Edward. Except for the eyes, Ben was an exact copy of his uncle Jasper. I knew this to be true because I had seen Jasper's pictures when he was a baby. Catherine told me that it ran in the family, the handsome trait, as she'd heard the same comment when Jasper was born, and he was a copy of her brother Thomas. Emmett snorted, correcting her in saying that the handsome trait actually ran in his blood, because it was known by everyone in Forks when Jasper was smaller, he was always mistaken for a girl.

"_Actually what he has is that beautiful, I- am- so- beautiful- I can- pass off as a girl trait really Catherine, you know ..like how Rose here is beautiful," _

We all laughed. Emmett and his theories.

But honestly, if they were to ask me if I saw the difference between the boys when they born, I could have sworn I would have said none. I remembered that day as if it was yesterday still. Jasper was holding one and I was holding one; and as we stood there side by side, becoming totally entranced by the tiny bundle of miracles in our arms, I recalled with perfect clarity how identical they were, even though Rosie and Emmett told us they were fraternal twins. It was almost magic really to see how different they were beginning to look like as they grew older. And more interestingly, how did Rose and Emmett know what to name who that day? How'd they know the one they named Benjamin, after Jasper; actually the baby that was first placed in Jasper's arms that day, turned out to be the one that would look just like him? Rosie simply said she followed her instincts.

Instincts apart, I did know of one thing though, watching these boys only confirmed the need that was growing inside me. I was dying to have our own mini _JasperAlice_. And I could tell from the way he doted on his nephews, the way he looked at them wistfully when he thought no one was watching, Jasper shared my feelings. Our loss last year weighed heavily on him, because he felt it was his fault, that it was because of the chemo treatments that resulted in the fetus to be non viable. After that, he insisted on wearing extra protection for whenever we had sex, even with me being on the pill still. I was aghast when he suggested it, and at first offended when he said he didn't want us repeating the mistake. It took me a bit of mulling to understand the full meaning of his words. He was scared. The mistake he meant wasn't that I fell pregnant, because his reaction and face the day I broke the news to him crossed that off instantly; but that I fell pregnant with a fetus that wasn't healthy enough to live. He was that worried that it might repeat itself. I might get pregnant and the same thing would happen again. That we'd have our hopes dashed one more time._ Tha_t was the mistake he was talking about.

"_I can't bear to see you get hurt again Alice…"_

I understood where he stood. I couldn't say no or blame him. If he needed this to deal with the consequences of what's happened, who was I to reject it. Even if I did hate latex that much. But I loved him more.

So it was a nice surprise when he suggested that we get the ball rolling when we arrived two days ago. To be honest, I'd been ready to try since the 2 year mark ended in October but it's taken him a bit longer to start trusting his body again.

A loud wail from the crib pulled me out of my wandering thoughts once more and I realized Ezra was now awake and throwing a fit. Quickly checking his diapers to see if they were dry still, and realizing they were, I decided to just take him out of the crib and rock him in my arms. Just as his plump body settled against my chest, another wail set off – this time coming from Ezra's younger brother. And getting louder and louder by the second.

_Yikes! Who knew baby cries could be so scary????!_

I could somewhat understand why Emmett looked as harangued as he did when he opened the door for us two days ago.

"Need a help sweetheart?"

My knight in shining armor appeared from behind me before I even thought to call him.

"Please….can you pick him up? I would if I could… but these boys weigh a ton.." I said sheepishly. One thing they were identical in – they were big boned like their daddy.

Jasper laughed as he lifted Ben off his crib and pretended to toss him in the air. The little bugger stopped crying immediately.

"How'd you do that?!"

"He knows his favorite _handsome _uncle is carrying him… that's why…" he chuckled softly as deft fingers slipped underneath the tot's diaper to check that he was dry still. I couldn't help but smile at his action.

_Such a natural.[sigh]_

_I know.. don't you just love him?_

_I do._

I laughed.

"Edward might disagree…" I muttered, carrying on observing his natural fatherly instinct in quiet adoration.

"Oh he can try.. he can try.." He said smugly before breaking into an unknown tune, patting his little namesake on the bum softly, lulling the tot to sleep again even as he swayed from left to right and back again as gentle as a breeze.

"He looks good on you angel," I muttered softly as we both walked to the lounge with our charges still perched on our shoulders.

He laughed softly, and raised a disbelieving eyebrow at me.

"What'd I say?" it was my turn to look at him odd.

" You just described my nephew as if he were a shirt on my back…" He tittered softly.

I giggled back, he was totally right. How glad was I that Rosie wasn't here right now? She'd probably do a _schwing_ on me if she heard it.

"What I meant to say Mr. Jasper Cullen, is that the dad look suits you well… I think you'll make a great daddy…"

" Yeah?" I saw the tiniest bit of doubt flitting in his eyes before hope overshadowed them. My head nodded in quiet acquiescence.

" Yeah… and I'm thinking too that we should definitely.. _definitely_.. take advantage of every day of our sweet little break here …you know, like you said earlier Mr. Kettle.." I winked playfully back now.

" I'm liking what you thinking Mrs. Pot…I'm liking it a lot.." He chuckled quietly before stepping close to claim my lips in a slow, lingering kiss.

_Stars. Planets. Heaven._

Maybe this year was the year after all.

*********

_Easter Sunday_

We had a relaxed Easter Sunday lunch that Esme prepared to perfection as always. Jasper looked like a little lost boy who suddenly found a huge treasure, and so did Emmett and Edward. Us three ladies snorted at them disapprovingly, because it really did make us look like pathetic wives in front of their parents. _Who could surpass Esme's cooking, really?_

'"I'm sorry baby…you know I eat your cooking with no complaints..but… oh God Mom…this is… Oh God…." Emmett moaned as he dug into his mountain plate of food.

Jasper didn't even look apologetic. I couldn't blame him. The most decent, closest to Italian I could cook was Macaroni and Cheese with bacon, and even then I did the microwave version. He was probably bored of it by now as I made that, a lot.

" Edward! Can you absolutely say you can finish that mountain of food? It's even taller than Emmett's!" Bella noted with alarm as she looked at Edward's plate with dismay. I guess between the three of us, Rosie was the best cook, Bella next and then me. But I was lagging far behind them to be honest. At least Bella knew how to use the oven and by that I meant bake real cakes or casseroles. So they had reasons to complain. I didn't. Not yet.

Edward looked thoroughly castigated and returned a slice, _ a slice_ of meat back to the dish and looked at his wife sheepishly.

Esme and Carlisle just laughed at the scene unfolding before them. I could tell they missed having the boys around.

"Give me a break girls… I haven't spoiled my boys in a while.." Esme defended, only half heartedly. That was met with a resounding cheer of yeah from all three.

"Oh no you don't Esme…next thing you'll hear from them, they're demanding a divorce cause we can't cook proper food.." Rosie voiced, spearing a piece of meat into her mouth daintily.

"Not just food hon… you know I love your cooking…but, I was raised on Italian food babe… it's in my blood…I miss it!" Emmett jabbered, earning positive grunts from his suddenly Neanderthal turned brothers.

" I cook Italian! I made that lasagne just last week Esme, and he ate it all…" Rosie chirped back.

" Me too! Eddie… you said you loved that beef thing I made you two weeks ago.." Bella pouted. She was usually very restrained, but the pregnancy had made her rather vocal of late. She was also the only one who could get away with calling Edward by that hated name.

I caught the slight crease on Edward's face, and the two monkeys next to him trying to keep their knowing smiles hidden. Jasper had told me after their brotherly calls that night that Edward nearly died eating that dish. It was too salty but he was too scared to point out to her at the time due to her pregnancy related swinging moods.

I concentrated on chewing my food _really, really _well. Suddenly microwave cheese and macaroni, _with bacon _ nonetheless, didn't quite rack up as Italian after all.

"Alice won't mind that I gorge myself this week… the closest I've had to Italian home cooked meal in New York is mac and cheese okay…." He winked at me.

My head tilted sideways as I threw an evil eye at my husband_. He did not just blurt that out loud!_

"I am so gonna kill you later Jasper Cullen…" I muttered hotly under my breath and speared an asparagus into my mouth. The chuckles from the boys only made the flame on my cheeks redden even more.

"You boys are all brats… ignore them Alice. Carlisle and I happen to like your mac and cheese.." Esme came to my rescue then, rubbing a consoling hand on my shoulder. I grinned, appeased. I had made it for Christmas last year when they came over to New York to be with us.

" Hmm.. what'd you know....your parents love my mac and cheese.." I tweeted.

" I didn't say I didn't like it babe…you misunderstand me," he pouted.

"We'll see what you think of us when it's time for dessert…" Bella singed song afterwards. The three of us had collaborated together making the tiramisu, with Esme's help of course_. _And_ I, _decorated it.

"A little birdie told me you girls made the special tiramisu recipe…" Carlisle interjected this time. It was followed with an echoing "ohhhhh" from all three, like little awestruck hungry piglets.

It was hilarious.

By the time lunch was over, the little teasing between us ladies and our husbands had died down. As the sages once said, or not; the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. Once sated, they were the picture of normalcy again, much to our relief.

Esme suggested we moved to the patio to enjoy some late afternoon sun and relax, which we all agreed to. As we spread out on the patio, Carlisle and Esme resting on one of the deck chairs, Jasper and myself on the other, Edward and Bella at the edge of the pool, their legs in the water; Rosie had gone in to check on the boys, Emmett was spread out on the bench with his back against the table, face looking up into the sky, absorbing some sun; I couldn't help but smile contentedly. The Cullens had always had an easy, unassuming way about them, and I was ever so glad to be a part of it.

"Penny for your thought?"

"Today's perfect ..I'm glad to be home," I murmured softly for his ears. I felt him return an agreeing smile on my hair.

This was just what the doctor ordered.

_**JPOV**_

I couldn't agree more with Alice's statement. It was wonderful to be home again. Granted, I was home wherever she was, but home here, with the rest of the family, was a different quality of home. Outside, even in New York, save the little haven of peace and comfort that was mine and Alice's 2 bedroom apartment – everything was always in constant motion. Things to do, destinations to reach, deadlines to meet. Sometimes, it tended to get too much. I wasn't complaining, having things to do certainly kept my mind off the loss we suffered last year. It hurt losing our ….could we call it a baby? It wasn't even 6 weeks old I reckon. What hurt even more was watching my wife break apart and then shut herself in a self contained prison of despair for a whole month after that. She blamed herself, I knew this. Truth was, how could she? The doctor said she was in perfect condition to be carrying a baby. I knew then that it was my fault. I believed that things happened for a reason and that the fact that the pregnancy, that's what the doctor termed it – not a fetus, not a baby, but a pregnancy; the pregnancy was non viable – there was no heartbeat; the fact that it was non viable meant that nature hadn't intended for it to happen yet because it knew _ it _wasn't healthy enough to survive. My part of the pregnancy wasn't optimum yet. _If it would ever_. It was a blessing in disguise, I had to contend, but that said, it didn't mean that it hurt any less.

Every time I looked at Ben and Ezra now, I couldn't help but get a little broody myself. I know, how very female of me. But what I wouldn't do to have a little Alice in my arms right now. When my sunshine blurted to me that she was pregnant last May, it felt as though a space had suddenly become available in my heart, a space opened up just for this baby. But then we were told of the bad news just two weeks later. The baby was gone, but that space - that space in my heart that became available for him or her remained open.

And empty.

At times, I'd get so acutely aware of that little empty space in my chest that it actually hurt. As the days and weeks passed, I had hoped that the void would close up eventually, and I'd feel okay again, but it didn't budge. I realized soon enough that I'd probably never feel totally complete again until that space was filled back in. I never told Alice this, because honestly, I wasn't really sure if I could give her what we both needed. For all I knew, the chemo could have rendered me sterile. How could I face my wife and tell her that I probably couldn't give her children, ever? I wouldn't be able to bear the look on her face if that were ever to happen.

Hurt and despair didn't belong on her angelic face. Her smile, her happiness was my balm. Her strength, mine. Making her happy was really my purpose in life.

_When she's happy, I'm content. _

I'd been scared about this whole baby thing, if only because I didn't want to open ourselves to disappointment again. But if she could hope still, how could I stop her? If she could be this strong, how could I let her down by not being stronger? I had defied death because of her.

This should be a piece of cake.

So I teasingly suggested to her about us taking advantage of the break fully and getting the ball rolling. Was she shocked? She sure did look like it, but I also caught the glint of unadulterated, pure dose of happiness seeping back into her eyes. Something I had been sorely missing since the incident in May.

Her mood was contagious. The melancholy I felt seeping from her every so often back in New York, and even during the flight here was nowhere to be seen and not for the last time, I was ever so grateful.

She offered to take care of the boys for Rosie on Saturday. Sweet of her, even if I wasn't too sure if she really knew what she was putting herself up to. Emmett didn't look the way he did because they were easy, and it took a lot to make Emmett look out of place and harangued. Thankfully, Rose fed them well enough that they slept shortly after she left with mom and Emm. Although, it would have probably been interesting to watch her try to manage.

I watched her quietly as she watched them sleep. She was so cute, and looked so natural there. Even if, she did have a moment of panic when both of them woke and started crying.

_Jasper to the rescue._

As we chatted idly with each of the boys perched on our shoulders, as I watched in quiet admiration her natural motherly instincts come out to play, it only affirmed the decision I had come to make when we arrived a few days back. Watching her with Ezra on her chest, even as she cooed and patted him to sleep again, I honestly felt the little empty space in my heart start to fill up again.

Perhaps this year would be the year it would happen.

*********

"Hey… can we have the tiramisu now? I think my stomach's settled enough to have some desserts.." Emmett spoke up after we had been resting quietly for all of 15 minutes.

I heard my angel snicker softly in my arms.

"Emm's a hungry bear…" she whispered and got ready to stand up. I stopped her.

"You guys made it, it's only fair we get to serve… relax, I'll go get it.." I offered and smacked her lips with mine chastely.

"Hey Emm… you can help.." I gestured a finger at him towards the house and headed in myself.

We passed by Rosie as we crossed the lounge and Emm was redirected towards the guest room instead.

"Sorry dude…daddy duty calls… I'll be back in a minute to help.." he said quickly before padding away to his family. I continued my way into the kitchen.

Mom's tiramisu was a family favorite. A closely guarded secret if I may say so. I was kind of skeptical about the girls making this one but looking at the creation in my hand now, I was ready to be won over. For one, it smelled decadent. It certainly looked decadent enough that it felt almost wrong to be cutting the cake. Alice must have decorated it, only she could go over the top with whipping cream and make a design out of food. Her macaroni and cheese, _with bacon nonetheless_, might be the microwave one, but it was an excellent dish and what more she always made it look like some gourmet macaroni and cheese, _with bacon nonetheless _dish. That was Alice to you.

I pulled out plates and forks and laid them out on the island. Stealing a quick bite of my own, I almost melted into goo right there.

_Oh damn, this was good…..too good…._

I was in the middle of serving the third slice, in between stealing dollops between my fingers every now and then, when I saw it - on the edge of the cake, closest to me.

A single bright red drop.

The world around me suddenly felt so far away, and everything was but an echo in my ears.

*********

_**Emmett POV**_

After helping out with Rosie to change the babies' diapers and taking them out to the patio to hand them to mom and dad, I returned to the house and headed to the kitchen again.

Damn I was really dying to have me some tiramisu. _Jas had better not have stolen bites or there'd be hell to pay.._

I saw the plates on the kitchen island, only three of them filled. Jas was standing by the kitchen sink, his back turned to me, and I could see the cake on his left side, untouched.

"Hey Jas, man - I thought you'd be done already…hurry up, the people are hungry outside…" I joked and started towards him. It didn't occur to me that anything was wrong. I leaned over from behind to his side to flick the top of the cake with a finger so I could steal a bite, but as I did it, my head somehow turned towards the sink, and that's when I saw it.

His arm.

It was dripping with blood.

"What the hell?"

_Did he cut his finger?_

"Did you cut.."

My words died on my lips. The tiramisu on my finger forgotten. My hunger forgotten.

It wasn't that he cut his finger.

His arm was dripping with blood because he'd been trying to staunch the bleeding from his nose.

"Oh God.."

Was all I could muster even as I noted his shaking, bloody fingers. I felt my blood run cold.

* * *

A/N: Evil grin. Cliffy..I know.... there will be a part deux. do hit me with your thoughts, tears, anger, daggers, kleenexes ..I know this actually shouldn't be part of the outtake anymore, but heck I didn't want to create another new extension of tripod so here it will stay. Also, some of you might say that hey - that 2nd last chapter in TRIPOD mentioned that Jasper had a baby...he's fine... but again, like I said, that could merely be a dreamscape. Things can change.


	11. Baby Baby:Part 2

Disclaimer: As always, Twilight and its OC are not mine, I am just borrowing for my own creative play.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who have read and left feedback for the last chapter. Guh... doing an angsty chapter is a sure fire way to get feedback huh? But, honestly I've been thinking of this plot forever and how to address it and I am so glad, even though it is long overdue, to have done it ( finally). Am pretty happy over how it's turned out, but you guys might disagree with me, have other ideas and what not, and I'd love to hear it. Anyway, let's get on with the show shall we? _Oh and yeah... the little Carlisle-Jasper part , Kate that's for you , Happy Birthday!_( I just had to insert it...eeks)

* * *

**Baby Baby, No?**

_**Emmett POV**_

It took me a good few seconds to recover from my own shock before I jumped into action.

_Some towels would be good. _ My mind said. Good thinking, I thought and started rifling through the kitchen cupboards looking for the towel drawer. I heard his muffled voice behind me,

"I can't make it stop,"

_Where are the fucking towels?!_

Almost growling that my brain decided to go porridge on me when I needed it to be working right this very second, I finally, by stroke of luck found the correct drawer and grabbed a few towels out immediately. He was still poised over the sink, his right arm still dripping of blood; and I thought - _how could a nosebleed bleed so much? _ I bunched the one towel, rethought then folded it into a small square instead before shoving it into his hand.

"If you look down like that, it's not going to stop…Tilt your head up, hold the towel under your nose, we need to get you sitting down," I spoke to him in a voice that was far too even for me, I sounded alien. I couldn't tell if it was the effect of shock or because I was still in one, but I had a weird sense of being outside of my body, watching myself at work helping to clean him. My calm exterior belied what was happening in my chest though, I could feel the hammering behind my ribs, the thumping so loud my eardrums were resonating. It could have been a trick of light or my own hallucination, but I thought I saw Jas's chest beating in the same frenzied way behind the thin layer of his shirt as well. I did my best to clean his bloody forearm up, and tossing the soiled cloth into the bloody sink, I led him by the elbow towards the lounge.

All through this sudden burst of activity, aside from the one liner he'd said when I was scrambling to find the towels, he'd remained awfully quiet. I wanted to ask what was going through his mind, but was too scared to find out that it might concur with the black word flashing like a neon sign in my own head.

"Okay..here we are, why don't' you sit down, I'll be a minute… keep your head tilted bro, yeah like that…" I told him softly once he was seated. He tipped his head in answer, and our eyes met for a flash, but it was too brief for me to glean any emotion in them. I almost froze again when I noticed the towel under his nose was already starting to soak crimson.

_Jesus._

I hurried outside, the feeling of dread growing inside me with every tentative step I took. Everyone was, as I'd left them a few minutes ago – relaxed, happy, unsuspecting. Why would they be otherwise? Jasper had been outside doing the same not 15 minutes ago. I felt physically sick at what I was about to do. So this was what Edward felt like when he was the bearer of bad news not so many years ago.

"Dad,"

I mentally cringed at seeing dad's grinning happy face as he turned away from mom to look up at me. Happy, relaxed, not a trace of worry.

One word, and his whole demeanor changed.

I wasn't sure if it was the look of dread on mine, or the streak of blood that was still on my hand from having to clean Jas's arm up or the combination of it – but he connected the dots instantly and practically sprung from his seat and flew inside. Dad was hardly every hasty, in fact he'd been teased (and admired) many times for his prim and proper -ness – like a lordly Englishman from a century ago; but right then he was everything but.

That one word spelled the end of the calm I felt when I came out a half a minute ago. There was a flurry of movements instantly, even as a thick blanket of tension fell over us. I knew I should be returning to the house to see if I could help any, but I couldn't move just yet. Directly opposite me, shocked eyes gluing me to the spot, was Alice.

I had never felt as sorry as I was then to have ruined her happy bubble.

_I'm sorry Alice. _

That familiar feeling that had been strangely absent from the pit of my stomach for almost a couple of years now settled right back in like it never left.

**********

The bleeding hadn't stopped but it was finally slowing down. The towel I'd given Jas had been replaced by a new one.

"Give him some room to breathe people, " Dad had ordered tightly when I returned to the lounge again. Everyone was hovering around him at first, wanting to know what was happening and wanting to give support I suppose. I made myself useful then, and started to pull everyone else but Edward and dad systematically away from Jas, making them sit instead on the couch at the opposite side, a good distance away. I felt displeased eyes glaring at me and ignored them, choosing to stand in attention beside my wife, myself watching in rapt attention at dad, Edward and Jas on the other couch.

When I had gone to fetch dad, Jas had been sitting upright on the couch, but he was slumped against the backrest now. Whether it was just my worried mind conjuring images or not, my brother suddenly looked as pale as he had been 3 years ago, when he was sick with that horrible disease. The memory of almost losing him a few times made my throat dry. Dad was sitting on the ottoman pulled up in front of him, monitoring his bleeding, fingers pressed on his free wrist. Edward stood above them, pinching the bridge of Jas's nose and pressing what I could only guess was a cold compress against his forehead. Both of them the picture of perfection at their chosen field of work - face concentrated at the task, devoid of any trace of emotion. As if Jas was merely another patient.

I knew them too well though, they were schooling their faces, reining in whatever emotion they were feeling about this tightly inside them. Perhaps not for Jas's sake at the moment, but rather for the audience behind them.

Mom, Alice, Rosie and Bells.

It would take a mere sniffle of a sound and I was sure the storm would erupt. Even in this dead settled silence in the room now, I could sense a certain heaviness in the air, just waiting for a trigger to unleash its judgment. Gauging from the rigid postures of everyone sitting on the couch beside me, I doubted anyone was eager to face that monster. I looked at Jas again, noting the lack of emotion on his face, like dad and Edward. Not a crease of line to say that he was at least worried or thinking of the same thing we all were. He, was not ready to face this.

Hot white pain gripped at my insides.

_Why?_

*********

_**Alice POV**_

How? Why?

How could this happen now?

Why did this happen?

Not half an hour ago he was lying beside me the picture of perfect health. How could this happen to him now?

_WHY?!!!_

I perched rigidly at the edge of the couch, squeezed between Rose and Bella – hardly even breathing. There was an awful, awful silence in the lounge and no one else, except for the three people in front of us, made any movement. Despite the exterior calm, my mind was running mad and screaming inside. A torment of gale. The hem of my favorite white dress was being wrung tightly by my fingers, knuckles almost as white as the wretched material now. Jasper had always loved this dress on me and for that reason, I was always very careful with it. I would have cut these very fingers on another day but right now I couldn't care less if the hem tore. The tension was killing me.

I felt like throttling somebody for daring to throw a spanner in the works. NOW. When we had just come out of this 2 year long restriction. Just recently decided to get the ball rolling with our very own baby project.. he had just recently begun to trust himself again..

Where was the fairness in all of this?!

Why?

Why now? Why him? Why us?

God what did we do to deserve this now?

I wanted nothing more but to cradle him in my arms, and tell him I was there, tell him things were going to be okay. Even if I wasn't too confident that things were okay. It wasn't just the physical distance, no thanks to Emmett; but the look he was wearing on his face – that look that told me he was far, far away from this room now, just made this feeling inside me even more worse than it should. I hated it when I couldn't reach out to him.

_Baby look at me._

He didn't.

I felt lost, disconnected. Floating in space like a dead rock with no point of reference to keep me in orbit.

I hated this feeling.

_Look at me Angel. Let me in._

_Please._

"I'm sorry about the cake…"

I felt my breath release finally at the sound of his voice. Finally. Contact.

How long had it been since our world tilted on its axis again? It couldn't have been more than 5 – 6 minutes but it felt as though I'd been stuck in this tensed bubble forever. He sounded strangely – fine, even perky. I would have imagined he would have sounded strained and stressed, the way everyone was looking like right now, but he sounded fine. Too fine. Too calm. It made the layers underneath my skin itch.

I still couldn't reach him. He'd cocooned himself out of reach and this was merely a puppet brought out in his stead.

_Jasper._

His comment started a chain of little conversations, ending the tight silence that had been hanging in the room not too long ago. I heard Bella telling Jazz to not worry about the cake as we could all make another one _quick quick_, her voice also tinged with that element of perky that sounded so grating in my ears suddenly. Then it was Rosie agreeing with Bella. An then Emmett joining in, saying something about the taste of it. A snort, a little laugh somewhere.

What the fuck was everyone on about, acting as if nothing consequential just took place here? Why were they talking about cake?

I couldn't join in with the small talk, but I couldn't not listen to their inconsequential bullshit either. It made me seethe.

"It was very good though…you girls did well..taste just like mom's.. well almost.."

A giggle, laugh. Emmett's boisterous voice agreeing with Jas over…

_That goddamn cake again. _

_It's a goddamn cake! If anyone so much as mention that cake again…_

"You know.. I think there's three good slices in the kitc.."

I couldn't stand it any longer. This blasé attitude by everyone as if nothing's happened, as if Jas hadn't just been bleeding like a running tap in front of us, as if tomorrow wouldn't change for everyone..

"Goddamnit, it's a cake Jasper! Let it go!"

I felt all their eyes fall on me and the room had gone eerily quiet again. I stood there, shaking in balled up fury, glaring at him.

"Stop trying to smooth things out, you're not fooling anyone.." I hissed.

In the 3 years we'd been together, we had hardly ever fought. Disagreements yes, but never to the extent of actually verbally fighting with malicious words that could slice and cut. It was just not 'us'. I didn't think he was capable of ever being furious with me.

"Shut up Alice." He growled, finally looking at me. But it wasn't an affectionate gaze either. He was furious. Furious that I'd called his bluff, and forced him to come out of his cocoon.

"Or what?!" I goaded, my voice unnaturally shrill.

"Get a grip of yourself…." He retorted. That, just bristled me even further.

"You're not the boss of me! You get a grip of it! Who are you kidding, huh? Just because you, all of you won't acknowledge it – doesn't mean I won't! Ignoring it doesn't make it disappear Jasper! It's right in front of my face. Or maybe you just don't really give a shit what this means… to me… to us!!! Maybe you just don't care!"

"Alice!!"

Someone finally yelled at me to stop._ Too late._ I'd hurt him in the worst possible way. His body, even seated on the couch seemed to stagger at the weight of my outburst, my slanderous words. I felt the bubbling cauldron in my chest brim over finally, bringing with it hot white tears spilling over my face. A hand perched on my shoulder but I shirked away from it roughly, suddenly feeling unworthy of any soothing from anyone. I ran. Hurt, Anger, Shame screaming for attention in my ears even as I sought the sanctuary of fresh air outside.

I hurt him.

That hadn't been my intention. But I hurt him.

_Way to go Alice. Way to go._

"Alice.."

I flinched at the sound of Esme's voice behind me, and then at her touch. Memory of Rose being chewed by her once flitted into my mind and I tensed fractionally at the anticipation. Esme might be the most docile of creatures out there, but hurt her cubs and there was no doubt what her response would be.

"Alice.." she said again. Gentler this time.

I bit my lip trying to quell the sob wanting to escape the prison of my chest. I didn't deserve her pity, much less her understanding. When I didn't answer still, I felt her hands grip both my shoulders before her soft body pressed against my defeated back. Drops of clear liquid dotted the terracotta tiled floor below us even as her strained voice whispered,

"He cares sweetheart… "

I wanted lightning to strike me and hurt me. The way I'd hurt him. I wanted the earth to swallow me and imprison me.

"I know… I'm sorry… " I sobbed, my chest staggering at the ache of my own admission. I knew and yet I still lashed out those lying words to hurt him. I clung to her hold tighter than I thought possible, even as I was lost in my own feeling of remorse.

"Talk to me honey.. what's got you so angry like that.." She asked, once I'd regain a semblance of calm over myself, but only barely.

Rubbing the tears from my face as best I could, I told her of his suggestion when we had first arrived here a few days ago. How excited I'd been that we could finally start because the two year restriction was now over. She smiled as I mentioned about my observation of him with the boys, how natural he was at being daddy. How when he thought no one was watching, how wistful and broody his face and demeanor would get. Her face creased slightly when I told her about his guilt over our loss in May, how he blamed himself for it, and how it's only been a day since then that he was starting to trust himself with me again.

"We've waited two years….what if he has to start chemo again? When are we ever gonna get a shot at this?"

She sighed. I watched as a myriad of emotion flicker past her face before she looked back at me in all seriousness.

"So you want a baby? Is that it? Is that why you got so mad with him in there?" She asked matter of fact, looking at me shrewdly now.

I knew I couldn't hide the truth from her.

My lips started quivering before I could even voice the real reason I'd gone all machine gun on him in the house minutes ago. My tears started rolling again, but I couldn't care less that it did now; in clear view of the woman who probably understood most the feeling of losing someone who was everything to her.

"I know what he's doing… he's trying to be strong for everyone as always, even though he's probably panicking inside. He's locked himself up somewhere inside there – and he's scared and alone. He's torturing himself, he knows it and yet he puts up this brave front. And I know ..it's for me. He puts it up for me. And I appreciate it, I really do – but it maddens me at the same time, because it's doing fuck all… excuse my language,"

I wiped at my face furiously, hopelessly trying to keep a semblance of decency on, but at the rate my tears were going, I knew it was futile.

"I'm scared Esme.."

A heavy sob erupted from my throat then. And with it, my entire heart.

"He is _Everything_ to me…"

I saw how her brown eyes watered now before they spilled down her face freely like mine. She engulfed me in a tight hug, sharing my fear and pain. I didn't have to tell her a word more, didn't have to explain to her how I couldn't breathe at thought of losing Jasper again, couldn't fathom living if he wasn't - because she understood. She understood.

*********

_**JPOV**_

After I had recovered from the shock of the hurt her angry words had cut into me, I wanted nothing more than to run after her, to console her and tell her I was sorry for not being strong enough. For telling her to shut up. How could I have been so callous with my words with her. She didn't deserve to be told off like a little girl like that. She was only worried for me.

But dad held me on my spot, pleading with his eyes that I let her be for a while. And let them take care of my predicament first. My shoulders sagged and I slumped back into the couch. I was only mildly comforted when mom went after Alice shortly after.

_It should be me going after her._

Granted, her words hurt. We had hardly ever fought, disagreements yes, but even then, trading malicious words weren't part of our repertoire. For her to say that I didn't care about her when it was furthest from the truth, it was like I had been put through the shock treatment, and I should have died, but ended up being merely paralyzed while the excruciating pain coursed through my entire body.

She was partly true though. I was acting as if it wasn't a big deal. Smoothing it for everyone like she said. Fuck, I'd be lying if I said this sudden turn of event didn't scare the shit out of me. This, was the last thing I expected to happen. The fact that it was Emmett who found me made it even more fucked up because I'd dreamed of that scenario before. _And I remembered vividly how that dream had ended up._ But honestly, what else could I do but try and put a brave front? Panicking in front of everyone – what good was that going to do? It certainly wasn't going to help me deal any easier, especially when everyone already looking at me like I was dying. And more than anything else, sure I was wrong, but I was hoping if I appeared strong, she'd have the strength to face this. And if she had the strength, then by GOD, somehow I would find the strength to face this too. Didn't she know that? Didn't she understand that she was my source of strength? When she was in that haze of despair when we lost our baby, seeing her hurt so badly – and there was absolutely nothing I could do to alleviate her pain, I'd never felt so hopeless in my life.

_Stupid fool._

It wasn't my intention to play my nosebleed down, but of course it looked like that. I should have just kept my mouth shut instead of trying to ease the tension and talk "cake". What was I thinking?! Whatever ounce of intelligence left in me from all the treatments I'd had in the past, that probably drained out with that nosebleed. Gah!

_But hearing Alice yell 'you're not the boss of me' was quite hot wasn't it?_

_WTF Jasper! _

_That's it, you've lost all your marbles._

"What are you grinning about?"

"Huh?"

I looked at dad dazedly. We were in his office where he was giving me a thorough examination to check if I was manifesting other symptoms of note. Here I was in my boxers no less, being examined by my own dad and I was suddenly thinking of how hot Alice was yelling at me, not in the context of the fight of course.

_You better not get wood now._

_Fuck!_

I felt myself color a little at how embarrassing that would be, if it were to happen.

_Honestly Jasper… where is your mind going? _

Dad pulled my attention back to my current health situation. Something I was simultaneously grateful and grim about. He started shooting questions at me, compiling information that could be useful for later.

"Have you felt faint or fatigued in the last month or so?" He queried, taking notes on his doctor's pad. I shook my head. Truth be told, I never felt better. But it could be because the months previous hadn't been so stellar either, since we both took quite a beating mentally, and emotionally after the May incident.

"You've got a bruise on the back of your hip. Did you notice that?" He noted, looking at me with all seriousness. I whipped my head back so quick, I almost gave myself a sprain. A cold slice of fear hit me again when my eyes confirmed it. My wandering thought on Alice gone, I was forced to face the prospect of what this new development could mean for me. But dad didn't let me linger on my thoughts for long. He threw another question.

"When is your next test due?"

"June. I had the last one in Jan. My test was good. There was nothing wrong with my marrow. Everything was good dad…" I almost gasped, suddenly feeling winded from the onslaught of thoughts flying through my brain. His grip on me tightened fractionally and I was led to one of the chairs so I could sit. The black word hung over my neck like an invisible metal chain, and I felt worn down by it. When he was through with his questions, he replaced the pad down on his desk again and looked at me almost sadly.

"Jasper.. I'm not going to lie to you. This could be nothing. Or … you could have.." I watched him hesitate, his forehead creasing as if he was paraphrasing the statement in his head, " it could be a sign that you've relapsed,"

It shouldn't have taken me by surprise when he said the word finally. After all, I'd seen it flash in my head when I saw that drop of blood, so bright and red on the cake. And I'd heard it whispered in silence in everyone's faces even as dad and Edward helped to staunch my bleeding nose in the lounge. It was there, in between the lines of Alice's angry words when she yelled at me. Even when my mind was going all over the place, thinking inappropriate thoughts of Alice while dad was busy checking me over, it was always there, lurking at the edge of my consciousness.

Alice was right. I was trying to keep a blind eye to it. If I didn't acknowledge it, it wouldn't own me. The fear wouldn't be real if I had just left it to taunt me in silence.

But I was wrong. This fear was real. It was real whether I addressed it or not.

"I'm cold dad," I muttered softly, feeling the all too familiar chill from 3 years ago creep back into my marrow. Thinking I was physically cold, dad wrapped his white coat over me instantly before pulling me up and hugging me tightly. I felt like all small and tiny again.

"It'll be okay. You've gone through this and you've made it. If you have to go through it again, then you will and we'll be there for you. It'll be okay son,"

I wished his words were a comfort.

_What if I didn't want to go through it again?_

_What if I can't go through it again?_

_What then?_

I didn't dare ask dad, or anyone else the answer for that.

********

We returned home from the hospital at almost 9 and by then I was tired as hell. I'd been poked and prodded and blood and bone marrow sample taken out of me again. Dad made contact with my favorite doctor in the world, next to him of course – Dr. R, to tell him of my recent development. He wanted him to analyze my report seeing that he was my attending physician before.

"How soon before we get the report?" Edward had asked. I didn't even want to know.

"Two days. Maybe three."

"And then?"

I stood up and walked towards the patio. If they wanted to discuss this, I wasn't going to hear it. I didn't want to hear my family making plans for my relapse.

"We'll deal with that if we pass that." I heard dad answer Emm. I flashed him a nod of thanks for not answering that question.

"Honey… are you hungry?" Mom called from the kitchen.

"Thanks I'm fine.. I'm just tired…listen…you're still doing the party aren't you?" I asked, remembering dad's 50th dinner party tomorrow. If I knew mom at all, she'd probably cancel it and the last thing I needed was for everyone to start bending their ways to accommodate me again.

"I was thinking of cancel.."

"Mom.. don't, please. Don't."

"Honey…it's no big deal.."

"It is. It's dad's 50th, you can't just cancel it,"

"Jas.. I don't think anyone's in the mood.."

Before anyone throw in another two cents worth of their own thoughts about why the party should be cancelled, I closed the lid on it. I needed it, this grasping feeling of normalcy, and what's left of it and right now, I wasn't above begging to ask for it.

"Please… mom, please don't cancel it. It's a big deal for me too.."

"Look, I know what this is. I know you're all just thinking of me. And I appreciate it. But right now… I need you guys to treat me like you did this morning, yesterday. I need this. I don't want to be treated like I'm there already okay? Just a few more days…please,"

I must have looked pretty desperate when I said that because mom looked like she could cry right that very moment. I felt like a right asshole for putting that look on her face. _Again. _

"Well… thank heavens I haven't sent out the cancellation notice then!" Mom's voice came alive not a second sooner, thankfully ending the dreaded silence that filled the room after my little desperate speech. She touched my cheek very briefly; there was a tight pained smile on her face before she turned quickly and asked loudly if anyone else wanted a glass of wine, then promptly disappearing into the kitchen before anyone could actually take up on her offer. I didn't miss the strangled sob that came from that direction shortly after.

_How could I let anyone go through with this again? _

I disappeared into my room, wanting to just escape from everyone's scrutiny and pitiful looks.

She was there, my sunshine. Looking downright pitiful and lost.

Almost instantly, I felt a semblance of normalcy return to me again.

I hadn't even had the chance to say sorry for goading her anger, and telling her to shut up this afternoon.

"Hey.." She called, sitting upright on the bed instantly.

"Hey,"

"I'm sorry,"

Her words collided with mine. I flashed a heartfelt smile. At least she wasn't angry with me anymore.

*********

"I'm sorry for calling you a bluff and saying all those mean things to you.." she murmured to my face earnestly, even as my hand trailed along the milky whiteness of her skin. I knew this was probably not the best position to be in when trying to have a serious discussion with your loved one, but I had sorely missed her nearness this afternoon and evening.

I remembered the hurt I felt at her accusation and couldn't help but cringe at the memory of the pain in my chest again. For her to think that I didn't care about her…

"I care about you Alice. You are the most important person in the world to me. You do know this right?" It was my turn to ask her earnestly. I was relieved when she nodded at me, doubtlessly. When her face creased and a sliver of tear rolled down from the corner of her eye, my thumb was there to catch it.

"You were right, I was trying to smooth it down for everyone and for myself. I am sorry that annoyed you, that wasn't my intention at all. I thought it would help ease the tension on your faces. Besides, it's not exactly helpful for me to deal with my situation when all of you are looking at me like that…" I smiled wryly.

"I'm sorry baby… I am soo sorry…" she cried.

I shushed her with a chaste kiss on the lips.

"And believe me when I say this… I am fully aware of the implication of this thing to you and to us. I meant what I said about trying for a baby. I would want nothing more than to see that happening Alice. Please believe me.. I want what you want."

"I know angel.. I believe you. I believe you. Will you forgive me for doubting you? For getting angry with you? For being such a child.. I can't believe I threw a tantrum in front of your family!" she moaned.

I smiled.

"You're not the boss of me.." I singed song to her face softly, before chuckling at her. She colored at my teasing before swatting my shoulder with her tiny hand. I caught her wrist and turned her palm upward instead to kiss it. I felt her wriggle closer in my embrace before her lips landed on the nook of my neck, planting a deep, searing, healing kiss there. And then on my jaw, my cheek and finally on my lips. When she pulled away a few lingering kisses later, there were fresh tears in her eyes. I couldn't describe how much it hurt me to see pain gleaming behind her sad, misty orbs.

"I'm scared Jazz." She sniffled softly, fingers gripping on my shirt tightly.

I wanted to cry at the sound of her voice. So tiny. So desperate.

"Me too sunshine. Me too.."

"You won't leave me will you? Promise me you won't?"

_Oh Alice. How do I answer that? How do I answer that when I don't even know. _

"What if you and I try and do that baby thing tonight?" I murmured instead, trying to deflect from answering the question. I had an answer, but it wasn't something she would want to hear. The vehemence in her eyes and in her answer flayed me apart.

"I don't want a baby, or a future if you're not there Jazz. I don't care if we have to wait another few years, if you have to do it all over again. Or if we don't. I don't care. As long as you're with me, I'm happy and content. I just need_ You_. Just you. Okay? Okay?" Her voice was trembling so much by the end of her speech, I could barely hear it.

From the moment that I saw the bright red drop of blood on the edge of the cake this afternoon right up till she said those gut wrenching words to me, my feelings had been well barricaded inside me. For so many hours since my prospect of the future tethered on the balance, even through the many conversations and words of comfort I'd heard from everyone, even after hearing mom's sob – my feelings were still safe, and I was still for the most part – pulled together. An unbroken fort. But hearing her plea just then, the vehemence in her eyes, the desperation in her voice – I couldn't hold the fort anymore. Like an obstruction dislodged, a guttural, strangled sob finally broke free from the back of my throat. And with it, my safely guarded emotions spilled out like a river gone wild. I held on to her, My Alice, my rock, as tightly as I could, clinging to her just as much as I was trying to let her know that I would never leave her, Never.

"I promise sunshine. I promise…"

We didn't let go of each other the entire night.

*********

_**Emmett POV**_

The first thing I noticed with everyone the next morning was the fact that most of us had puffy eyes. I didn't have to ask why – I had spent half the night trying to console my wife. She had been in the kitchen with Esme after Jasper pleaded to her not to cancel tonight's dinner party. And mom had broken down in front of Rose.

Quite frankly I wasn't quite sure how we were going to go through this party and pretend as if nothing was wrong. Quite frankly, I wouldn't mind if we all just had a group hug and sat moping in front of the TV and watch some GOD awful soppy film like the Notebook so we could all cry because damnit, I could use a little crying to ease the weight of this lug of brick I've been carrying all afternoon and evening yesterday.

But Jasper had a point. Treating him like he had relapsed when it wasn't even confirmed yet wasn't fair on him. Doing that wasn't going to help anyone, especially not him. And if he did…relapse, it was of utmost importance that he stayed positive from the get go. That meant now.

Whatever, if Jasper needed us to pretend for a couple more days until his test came out, I'd do that for him.

I just prayed, GOD I prayed it wasn't a relapse.

*********

The party was a resounding success. Most of the guests were staff from the hospital. I had a feeling the party had been cancelled and this was a last minute scramble after Jasper pleaded her to not cancel it. It didn't matter who the guests were, the important part was that we all had a decent evening. Mom seemed to have rebounded from her breakdown the night before and played the part of the good hostess to perfection, even managing to slip in a joke or two on the dinner table. I guess dad had a heart to heart with her.

Found out later it wasn't dad, but Jas.

Apparently Jas spoke with mom this morning. I wasn't privy to the details of their conversation but according to Eddie, they had a heart to heart and crying session rolled into one. It was good to know that Jas finally had a bit of a tear going, I was getting concerned by his lack of emotion over the whole thing yesterday. If anything, it meant that he was acknowledging his fear, and in acknowledging that, he was facing it. _That knowledge_ made me feel a whole lot better already. Especially since Edward told me of his own fears regarding Jas the night before.

" _I don't think he wants to go through this again.."_

"_Of course - you dunce, who would want to go through what he went through, ever again?" _

"_I don't mean that Emm. I mean.. if it is a relapse… I don't think he wants to go through it again.. the treatment. I don't think he thinks he has the strength to do it all over again…."_

"_Damnit, Don't say that kind of shit Eddie!"_

I had retorted to him a little angrily at first. But Edward just looked at me with this worried crease on his forehead. He was very observant, Edward and he wasn't the kind of person who would crack jokes over something as crucial as Jas's health.

"_You know if it is it, if it's a relapse, it's gonna be harder for him to recover, you know this right?"_

I knew. And that knowledge twisted in my gut like a malevolent dagger.

"_Well if it comes to that Eddie, I can count on you to help me knock some sense into him right? We're not just going to make him give up? Can I count on you on that?"_

I remembered the flash of hope in his smile.

"_Of course. I'd do nothing less. We're together in this, right? Tripod. Always?"_

I smiled now at the thought of how our conversation ended. We would always be _that_.

If we crossed that threshold and Jas needed a solid butt kicking to get his priorities straight, we'd be there day and night drilling him until he got it right.

There was nothing to fear about. This shit didn't own Jas, or us nor would we let it. Ever.

From across the room I caught Edward's gaze and flashed a smile at him. He was casually seated on the armrest of the one couch, seemingly engrossed in a conversation with one of the guests of the evening. I knew though from his discreet glances every now and then, he was keeping a watch over Jas who was seated on the ottoman, comfortably lost in another conversation with other guests. And I was doing the same.

**********

_**Carlisle POV**_

Getting the call from Stephen on Wednesday morning at my office had to be the best call I had received in months!

It wasn't a relapse! He was fine. Okay, technically, not _all _was fine, but the point was it wasn't a relapse. That, was the important thing. I almost cried out of sheer relief when Stephen reiterated that his results were excellent and there wasn't any indication of leukemic activity in his marrow, at all.

Having worked the night shift, the minute my shift was over this morning, I practically raced home so I could break the news to him and everyone else. This kind of news wasn't the kind you wanted to tell over the phone.

I broke the news to him in my office.

"Son, I got the call from Dr. Rodriguez this morning…"

His body tensed immediately. Even though I was about to deliver relatively good news, it still hurt to see his reaction. He was, despite his actions the last couple of days, anticipating the worst.

I decided to not delay it any further. A wide smile appeared on my face even as I broke the news to him

"It's not a Relapse Jasper. It's NOT,"

It took a few seconds for him to somehow process the information. And when he did, I could sense the heavy burden lifting up from his shoulders.

"Really? It's not? I'm…I'm okay?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Technically no…you have a condition called ITP, your spleen is basically destroying your platelets, which causes the bleeding and bruising…" I started rambling on.

"But I'm relatively okay? I don't have Leukemia, I don't need to do chemotherapy again?" He interjected, shutting me up before I could go off tangent.

I grinned.

"Yes. No. No."

I felt the grin on my face widen even more as I confirmed all three of his questions in short definitive answers. The way his eyes widened and cleared as the information sank in him reminded me of a little boy with huge blue eyes, totally soaking in the sense of adventure even as I read the stories out loud to him.

He started grinning with me but halfway through, I felt a change in his demeanor. He ran both palms over his face and from behind them, I could see his face creasing. It didn't take long before his shoulders started shaking, and he was crying audibly, even if softly, in front of me. It was all I could do to pull him into my embrace and share his relief with my own tears.

"Thanks dad…"

"You're welcome son. You're most welcome."

_Thank you GOD. Thank you._

"I think we should go and tell everyone else, don't you?"

The grin on his face was pure gold now.

* * *

A/N: There you go.... even if I am an evil author who leaves cliffies like no tomorrow ...I believe in HEA......( even if RL is not always like that..). Pure Alice and Jasper moments, even if angsty. Did you cry too when Alice said Jasper was her everything? Please guys.... do leave me with your thoughts!


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